hii okay so during intercourse my boyfriend of 24 cries during sex. like not a small cry or whimper it’s full on sobbing really bad. It terrifies me actually and this only happens during sex. he’s a pretty happy man and super kind so when he sobs during sex it turns me very off because i feel like he’s hurting or something really bad is happening. i have a very sensitive heart so hearing anyone cry immediately makes me worry and makes my heart ache. He doesnt want to talk about it after weve done it. an advice on what is even happening or how i can get him to talk about this??
my bf cries during sex and it’s confusing me a LOT f(20)
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Sounds like he has some deep trauma he has never worked through.
I would recommend he see a therapist for this. That’s not normal and could be linked to past trauma?
I would be more worried about the refusal to talk about it than the crying.
Sex can be emotional. That is not a deal breaker. However, if he cries during sex and won’t talk about his feelings then he does not seem healthy.
He needs therapy.
You need to talk about it at a time where sex is not about to or has just happened.
It’s not reasonable to behave that way with a partner and refuse to talk about it.
That man has been through some dark times. It sounds like maybe he was sexually abused or some other kind of terrible trauma. Hopefully you can continue to be as kind and supportive as you sound and help him get through it. Obviously a therapist would be the clear path forward. Good luck 🍀
Ain’t no way I wasn’t asking what’s that about😂 that’s so strange I’ve never heard this before
Therapy…lots of it.
Not after (release) but during?
Yah naw that’s fucked up I would probably avoid sex at all costs if I was you, he needs therapy
I’ve been around this once before and got very turned off by it. But thinking more about it, there’s definitely something underneath those emotions. The person I saw do it was the same way, bottled up and wouldn’t talk about it, would run away and avoid.
There’s only so much you can do before it’s no longer your responsibility (so to speak), but if you can offer and be for him a safe place to share his inner troubles, where he would not be judged or hurt, he might be able to open up. He sounds like a sensitive guy but terrified to show it probably because of his past. Just don’t wear yourself out trying if he isn’t budging. Again, only so much you can do before it’s bad for your own mental health; both partners have to meet up somewhere in the middle.
Also, he might be into gentle female domination. Just a hunch. Look it up (it’s a kink/sexual thing, but also therapeutic for the mind)
i’ve been with 2 men who have experienced sexual abuse. although they both went through the same thing, they were both very different. the first one was very shut down, and there were specific places in which i couldn’t even touch him, as he would get triggered. but the second one was very hypersexual and sex crazed, so it can affect everyone differently.
you said he doesn’t want to talk, i would really stand on it. proclaim how uncomfortable it makes you feel to have to watch and hear him cry and you don’t know why or what to do to help. sounds as if he may need to talk to a professional as well. men have lots of trouble opening up about abuse, it can be hard to break down that wall. just be persistent. hopefully you guys can work through this, wishing you the best<3
He’s dealing with some sexual trauma. From the description it’s fairly serious.
If he’s not willing to talk about it with you the hopefully he will talk to someone else. He needs to get this addressed.
What you can do is tell him that you are concerned and care for him. If it’s bothering you then also understand it’s bothering him.
It’s confusing be. Like..what type of cry? Like single tear it’s so good? Or that old school whoopin where you can’t even make a sound? Is it during or after. Details lol.
This is concerning. Especially since he isn’t communicating about it. Def reccemend a therapist, both individual and couples counseling.
I also reccemend checking in if he wants sex. Some people can feel like they owe it to their partner, or overall ignore their own feelings to try to be convenient for others. (People pleasing)
Ofc he could want it and have complex feelings/stuff going on, but I reccemend checking in/asking at a time where there is no sexual tension or possible pressure. Especially if he shuts you out after sex.
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Could be he felt unloved as a kid and those are tears of relief.
It took 30 years for me to cry my eyes out.
Trauma manifests in the strangest ways
Are you his first lover? Could have been raised very conservative where he is full of some kind of guilt and fighting the perceived morality and his intense feelings towards you.
If he’s not willing to talk about whatever is making him sob heavily during/after sex then that indicates he has some deep trauma going on. It’s obvious something very horrible happened and having sex with you makes him remember whatever it is. What do you think it is based on how he is as a person? If he refuses to talk to anyone about this then I don’t think he’s healthy enough to be in a relationship with.
He could be actively cheating or hiding something from you.
In my experience, that’s been the case.
This is a therapy thing, he’s clearly got some sexual trauma that he’s not processed.
Something very traumatic.
Was he doing this when yall first met too and first started having sex?
Sounds like some trauma. Happy cry is a real thing, and you must make him feel things deeply that he’s learning to get used to. Just hold him and say something like “i know whatever this is makes you feel vulnerable, but that’s why I’m here, and whenever you’re ready to talk, I’m ready to listen.” Just be sure to not judge. While therapy is a good route he may need, sometimes we just need someone to listen, which is therapy on its own.
Maybe he hasn’t felt wanted before in his life, so the emotional intimacy he feels during sex is too much. To therapy!
It sounds like he could’ve been sexually abused. My little brother who is 6 years younger than me (who I know was abused as I was the one who reported it to the police when I walked in) admitted to me that he cried the first time his at the time gf tried to kiss him and touch him, and he had to set a boundary at only kissing because it gave him so much anxiety at the thought of being that vulnerable was too much for him. In the end the relationship fell apart because he just wasn’t ready to take the next step, but they did stay friends. I pushed him to get therapy, because obviously, there’s things he is never going to be comfortable telling me about what happened to him, and he needs someone impartial that he can pour his heart out to who actually knows how to help him put the pieces back together.
Just explain to your boyfriend that you don’t mind if you guys don’t have sex, you’d rather he was comfortable, and you don’t want him to feel like he HAS to give you sex. Let him feel safe and for him to open the conversation about it.
He’s emptying his dopamine tank, it’s like taking Molly some people don’t have regulators so either all his “feel good” drug been used up pretty fast and he is left with nothing but his thoughts it’s a reall thing
i recommend some testosterone! he sounds like a wimp!