I have only been in this relationship for 2 months and everything jas been going great so far. The only problem is that she does not want a equel relationship, she says women take more risk in relationships then men(for example pregnancie) so man have to treat women better. I do want to do everything for her, but I dont like the idea of being treated differently because of my gender. What hurts the most is that she said that she would want equelity in a relationship if she was dating another women. When I asked her if wanting equelity in hetero relationship was wierd, she said yes. Am I overeacting, is this how relationships should work or is this more leaning to manipulation or a power imbalance? What should I do?
Girlfriend (23f) excpect me too treat her better then she treats me (20m)
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA.
Leave. This one is too high maintenance for someone your age. It will only get worse.
That’s not at all how it works. NTA
hi, I dont think youre overreacting Its unfair she wants you to treat her better just cause shes a woman but doesnt want equality You deserve respect too talk with her and see if you can find a balance If not maybe rethink the relationship
NTA. this isn’t how relationships work. She wants you to do all the work, make all the money, and support her while she does all of NOTHING. Walk away.
NTA, that is ridiculous. I’d dip while it’s early. I don’t see this going well with that kind of mentality.
What the hell, no if she is set on that then she shouldn’t be in a hetero relationship. You will probably never get her to see it as equal and just keep arguing.
NTA, you’re only two months in, leave her before it gets worse. If this is how she treats you already it won’t get better
Run!
NTA. This screams imbalance not love . If equality only matters when it benefits her run before it drains you.
I do not disagree with her but it does not align with your views.
If you do not want to treat her the way she wants then break up, if you are open to it, stay together.
Men and women are not equal and women take more risks dating- pregnancy, STDs, abuse. Women also spend more on beauty yet earn less.
By its very nature, male and female relationships are asymmetric but if that does not align to your views then, find a different girl.
Welcome to life
Interesting but what does that look like irl?
She wants more from you because of the risk of pregnancy…….. are you wearing a condom when you have sex with her? Are you paying for her birth control? Are you putting aside money for the morning after pill ( if available in your area ) ….. What are you doing that is directly benefits her risk of pregnancy from sex with you?
If she’s referring to some nebulous…. Carry things for me, go out and get me a milkshake and advil cause I’m sad and on my period? That’s kinda normal boyfriend stuff.
Be specific because if this is just her talking about a general mindset without specific instructions or ideas of what you need to do for her then your girlfriend is deep in theory and not practical ideas. Theory is fine…. she might just want you to be an audience to her ideas.
Men and women are not the same and are not equal. She is 100% correct. You can prove her wrong by giving birth.
Every woman thinks this way, especially the ones who say they don’t.
Suck it up, no one wants to hear a man complain.
Dump her. I’m sure she’ll find the “alpha” patriarchal chap she desires. She might even buy him a nice red baseball cap. /s
Run 🏃.. it’s only gonna get worse
My friend was in a similar situation, had to pay for everything, open the car door for her wherever they went do chores for her. It only means something when you want to do these things, not when it is expected or demanded of you.
Honestly? You’re 20, this is a new relationship, and you’re already spotting deep imbalance. That speaks well of your self-awareness. The fact that you even asked, “Is this manipulation?” means your gut is telling you something’s off. Trust it. Equality isn’t a weird request, It’s the bare minimum for a healthy partnership.
NTA.
Wish her luck and say goodbye
NTA. This could be a very long text, but let’s keep it simple: so if you don’t do all those things for her she wouldn’t be with you? If the answer is yes, she doesn’t like you, she likes whatever you provide. Then ask yourself if that’s what you want, and if not, leave.
NTA let her go be with a woman then.
Dump her if she keeps doing this, both people should be equal
if this is the honeymoon period I dread to imagine how she’ll treat you in a year. NTA
That is most definitely NOT how it works and at 23 years old, she should fucking know better
Nta let her find that person
Be more specific. What is she asking for?
Bro make like a jumpy castle and bounce
The tell her to fuck off…. It’s been 2 months….
Find a girl your own age. This one comes with too many warning labels
She needs so much more from you if this is how you spell with technology… I can’t imagine you fulfill her intellectually.
Ditch this massive red flag and get some remedial writing help.
RUN far far away from her. She could not be more wrong and it’s only gonna get worse
You’re already seeing the red flags 🚩 so just cut bait and bail.
NTA – But you also forgot to add a single meaningful detail so it’s sorta hard to really judge.
For instance, you do something [the details goes here] and she gets mad and tells you not to. She then does the same thing.
NTA – Red Flags. She will try to control and manipulate. A Long Term relationship with your PARTNER means two PARTNERS IN LIFE. You do not owe her anything. Golden Rule = “Treat others the way you wish to be treated yourself”.
NTA. Not normal. Not how it should be. Partners should be equals.
NTA. She’s chosen to date a young guy because she thinks she can train you to follow her warped point of view. Let her go, it’s only been two months and you’re already seeing big red flags. Look for a woman that shares your views about what equality means.
This is BS. Drop her.
Nah, that’s fucked up. No one gets preferential treatment because of their gender. I treat you like you treat me. So match energies with her. If she complains, tell her this is exactly how she’s treating you. And if she doesn’t like it, what makes her think you do? That’s only if you stay with her. Because I would leave if anyone ever told me that. Especially this new in the relationship.
NTA
Your girlfriend is stuck in the princess stage, she hasn’t realized other humans matter too. Dump that child and find yourself a woman.
What you should do is drop the nice guy act and learn to stand up for yourself. Just because she’s older than you doesn’t mean she knows better than you. Trust she would NEVER try that BS with a 28 year old man. She sees you as malleable and she is molding you into what she wants you to be (her little thing). You don’t really need to tell her anything. Just treat her like YOU want to treat her and observe how she treats you. If you qre not satisfied with how she treats you, then tell her what you want. If she is not willing to have that discussion, reevaluate if this relationship is worth it and break up if it’s not. Or better yet, break up right away.
The whole conversation about equality is unnecessary because it’s all theoretical. People can say whatever. Watch what she does and if it’s satisfying. Some discussions are not worth having. The discussion you had with her, if i were to have that debate with my girlfriend it would be more in the context of a fun debate sparring exercise, not a serious conversation.
ETA: Also, this might be controversial advice but fuck it. You need to lay it down better in bed as well. If you were putting it down proper, she would be too scared of losing you to come up with this BS. As shallow as it is, it’s the truth.
Bwahahaha!! Run screaming from this delirious woman. Wipe your brow with relief and celebrate that you aren’t married to her yet! Most women who treat men this way don’t start until after marriage. For this, I’m going to be attacked. I didn’t say most women act this way because most women DON’T!! Only a few really do. I’m saying that the ones that do wait until after marriage because most guys will recognize this BS. Also men do this crap a lot too. Br forever cautious when your heart is concerned.
NTA. She sounds like hard work.
Not worth it dude.
NTA – The good news is you are so young and have only spent 2 months with her. Time to drop her and look elsewhere for someone who can be your equal.
Dump her and find someone sane.
NTA
That’s ridiculous. That’s just a full blown sexist hypocrite. Grab your feet and run
Everyone saying to just get out of that relationship is right.
NTA
I hope you get a million miles away.
Explain what you guys mean by “treating better”. To each other. There will always be an imbalance between men and women.
I’ll be honest, as a woman I don’t see it as a red flag. But, If her expectations don’t feel right to you, if it already feels one sided or unfair, then it’s okay to say that this relationship might not be for you. You don’t need to force yourself to fit into something that makes you feel off. But if you genuinely feel okay with giving more and you want to stay, knowing where she’s coming from, then that’s your call too.
It’s just about being honest with yourself and making sure you’re not building a relationship on resentment or pressure. Sometimes people can both be good but simply not match each other’s values.
What exactly does she mean when she says you have to treat her better than she treats you? Like she wants to be spoiled?
This red flag is so big you can see it from space. NTA and GTFO before it blows up in your face.
Luckily, you have only been together 2 months and leave. Ask her if she is a feminist and if the answer is yes, why doesn’t she want equality in the relationship her view of relationships doesn’t seem like feminisms “equality”
Nta, but you should probably cut you losses and move on.
Bro no that’s such a crimson flag to me she would think that. She clearly has an inflated sense of ego to think she is deserving of better treatment just because she’s a girl. Everyone risks things in relationships and everyone should put in as much effort as they can.
This sounds bad on the surface, but I’d really need examples to be sure. Does she just want you to hold the door for her and buy her flowers or is it more serious than that?
Either way if you don’t like what she’s putting out there then leave.
Take it from an older lady who has been in a happy relationship for decades. Your girlfriend is wrong and maybe immature or selfish. You should not be treated as less due to your gender no matter who you are.
First learn to spell and write better. Then find someone else.
Ah yes, the ol reverse oppression
NTA – bin her and find yourself a woman who will treat you with respect. She is showing major red flags already
Treat her the way you want to treat her. If it’s not good enough, she can kick rocks.
As long as you’re happy in your relationship and you feel as though you’re being treated right yourself, then great, otherwise you’ll need to have an encounter.
IMO in 20s majority of the time it isn’t fair between guys and girls guys have to do all the courting/impressing where the girls just pick from a few options, given she’s at least average appearance. But to voice it out loud seems like it’s a bit too much and her saying how it would be equal if she had a girlfriend sounds cooked as, I would only agree to her if she was extremely attractive and she’s extremely protective of her intimacy meaning no past toxic relationship no random hook ups otherwise we are equals.
Just her comment on the possibility of getting pregnant would have me on guard.
If she expects servitude, no. If she expects a few surprise and she surprises you. Yes. I treat my queen when I am treated like a king!
If you think you are uncomfortable now, imagine how you will feel after being treated like this for twenty years. She is telling you very clearly that she has no intention of trying to make you happy. Seriously, get out while you still can. NTA.
NTA. How does “She treats me worse than I treat her” look. Does the not say thank you? Does the call you things you don’t like? Does she give you one word answers? Does she flirt with other men?
I don’t know man, it doesn’t sound good to me, I’d be heading for the hills if I were you. It’s only been two months, lesson learned. Good luck!
You are young; just find someone else.
NTA
Shr is a giant red flag, holy shit, don’t let her “train” you into a parasitic relationship, you seem smarter than that.
INFO PLEASE
What, exactly, do you two mean by being treated equally or unequally? Some concrete examples would be helpful.
There is a saying, in modern times, that women (mostly) gatekeep dating and sex, while men (mostly) gatekeep relationships.
While that is a simplification of modern dating life, with lots of exceptions, I mention this to point out that you do not have to be in a relationship with her, that’s okay. You have the power not to be in a relationship with her.
You also have the power to provide more info…
You’ll be broke in a year
Relationships are 50/50
Sometimes it can be 70/30 or 80/20, but those are times of crisis or difficulty. It’s supposed to be you two Vs the world.
She doesnt want equality , she wants to be “special” or pampered or a fuckin princess , as for hiding behind pregnancy, that’s both valid and bullshit as there are things both of you can do, condoms, the pill, paying attention to ovulation, oral / anal etc etc.
I get it, we want to make life good and special for those we love, that cannot be demanded or not reciprocal. I would ask, what is she doing to make your life better ? If you can’t answer that easily, then you have some re-evaluating to do
Nta
Nah, king. If she wants you to treat her like a queen she better treat you like a king.
NTA. She’s delusional.
Dating is full of choices. In that you find out who you are compatible with and who you’re not. Just because she asks it doesn’t mean you have to deliver. Tell her it’s not working. She sounds high maintenance so stand firm when she complains that she didn’t get her way. If you need to block her number. She sounds exhausting to be in a relationship with.
NTA
If either of you see it that way, you’re both assholes and the relationship is doomed. Do yourself a favor and get out now.
It’s actually the opposite. Like 60% of marriages end in divorce and 70% of divorces are initiated by the wife. And then in the divorce the court favors with the wife for things like house, parenting, money etc. More than likely you will end up divorced at some point with a lot of your assets gone.
If you two aren’t being a team walk now
Leave that ho bro
Drop that toxic slug
🏃🏻♂️💨
Uve seen the flag bro
GTFO!
You are young plenty of fish yadda yadda yadda. 2 months is a blip.
Be glad she told you this shit only 2 months in. NTA
Run bro.
Using statistical data to generalise the person you’re dating is icky.
Dehumanising your partner in such a way is icky.
Why assume the person you’ve just started dating will lump all of the reproductive issues onto you, for example? I know it’s common from data that many men do, but there more and more of us who take control of our own birth control, etc.
This applies to any statistic – I live alone, no one is doing my chores but me. In a cohabiting relationship with no kids, I’m not doing any more or less than 50/50 split on chores, since I date adults.
My advice is, this will likely get worse, women who spend too much time online and in women dominated online spaces are just like men who spend too much time online in male dominated online spaces.
There’s something to be said about having a preconceived idea about a relationship you’ve barely begun.
NTA they usually do at that age
honestly, I think that you are a kid. I think that your relationship is childish, but I don’t mean to be mean by saying that.
You’re too young to get traumatized by a woman. Leave now. 🍀🍀🍀
I want to know who the hell gave her that idea.
Because it’s fucked up.
NTA, she sounds like a brain rot tik tokker
That’s not everything going great so far. That’s a fundamental difference in how you treat one another
Get out. Run far away. If your values are not the same she’s not for you.
Find someone who treats you as an equal. Don’t listen to her manipulative BS
Dated a girl who thought double standards were ok. Seasoned veteran advice: drop her immediately. She is an unfinished product and needs a reality check.
Leave little bro tons of girls on this planet girls treat you nice if they like you
NTA. Sounds like she wants to be in control because an equal relationship scares her. Is this what you want your future to look like?
No, this is not how a relationship should work. And you know that instinctively. You should break it off with her before it goes full toxic
Nta. Stop wasting your time in that nonsense.
She’s low mileage but you should split.
nta. and most definitely not the girl for you. unless you want to be treated like shit.
Lol girls can choose a man cause 10 are waiting in line, and man gets women harder cause he needs to pursue them.