So I was just lying down and feeding my baby on the couch. Him and I were relaxing and cuddling when my fiancée decided to lie on top of the both of us, I didn’t mind. I started playing with my son’s ear with my lips and making noises, and then for some reason my fiancée decided to do the same to me, but with a lot of saliva and licking. I told her to stop licking me and all that, but she just kept going said, “you’re doing the exact same thing to baby,” and continued. All I was doing was moving my head away because that’s all I could do, and she’s just trying and trying, but apparently I was hurting her (I was holding my son with both my arms and was moving away) so I’m not sure how I hurt her, she didn’t specify. Then I told her I’m not doing the same thing she’s doing because I was not letting any saliva out or licking my son’s ear. Then she walked to the other couch all mad. I didn’t realize she was upset so I tried to talk to her, but was ignored. I asked her why she was ignoring me and she told me it was because I hurt her. I then told her it was because I was trying to move away from her, and then a couple seconds later i apologized, but it was a half assed one I’ll admit. She then got mad again because apparently I think it’s okay to hurt her because she was licking me. That’s what she’s upset about currently. Then we just had this whole argument about whether who’s right or who’s wrong, the whole thing was just dumb. I also did tell her that it wasn’t okay and I didn’t mean to hurt her, but she still had all these reasons to get mad at me. I told her I was done with the argument and tried ignoring her.. there was a short pause, but she continued to argue. I did say some mean things at the end and it wasn’t okay, but I was just so done at that point. I called her exhausting and that also made her upset, and just started arguing with me again. I ended up walking away and going into a room. Baby is currently sleeping now and she’s upstairs doing whatever. Am I really in the wrong? She’s very adamant about it, and how it was wrong for me to think it was okay to hurt her because she was trying to lick me.
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So I was just lying down and feeding my baby on the couch. Him and I were relaxing and cuddling when my fiancée decided to lie on top of the both of us, I didn’t mind. I started playing with my son’s ear with my lips and making noises, and then for some reason my fiancée decided to do the same to me, but with a lot of saliva and licking. I told her to stop licking me and all that, but she just kept going said, “you’re doing the exact same thing to baby,” and continued. All I was doing was moving my head away because that’s all I could do, and she’s just trying and trying, but apparently I was hurting her (I was holding my son with both my arms and was moving away) so I’m not sure how I hurt her, she didn’t specify. Then I told her I’m not doing the same thing she’s doing because I was not letting any saliva out or licking my son’s ear. Then she walked to the other couch all mad. I didn’t realize she was upset so I tried to talk to her, but was ignored. I asked her why she was ignoring me and she told me it was because I hurt her. I then told her it was because I was trying to move away from her, and then a couple seconds later i apologized, but it was a half assed one I’ll admit. She then got mad again because apparently I think it’s okay to hurt her because she was licking me. That’s what she’s upset about currently. Then we just had this whole argument about whether who’s right or who’s wrong, the whole thing was just dumb. I also did tell her that it wasn’t okay and I didn’t mean to hurt her, but she still had all these reasons to get mad at me. I told her I was done with the argument and tried ignoring her.. there was a short pause, but she continued to argue. I did say some mean things at the end and it wasn’t okay, but I was just so done at that point. I called her exhausting and that also made her upset, and just started arguing with me again. I ended up walking away and going into a room. Baby is currently sleeping now and she’s upstairs doing whatever. Am I really in the wrong? She’s very adamant about it, and how it was wrong for me to think it was okay to hurt her because she was trying to lick me.
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> I hurt my fiancée somehow, and I did so because I was trying to move away from her
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
I feel bad for your kid. If there is a fight about something so stupid it will only get worse unless y’all work on it.
NTA – women need to stop this bs. It is human nature to try to get away from an unpleasant or unwanted sensation. If someone says no or don’t fucking stop! We would want the same respect.
So in you trying to avoid her unwanted touching she got hurt. That is not your fault. Don’t let her make you think it is.
Also, don’t fall for the bs some people might tell you about she just had a baby, wants attention etc.
No is fucking no – man or woman, baby or not.
NTA could the “hurt” be that you hurt her feelings, and then when you said it was because she was trying to lick you, she then turned it into “it’s okay to hurt you if you’re licking me”? idk, kinda sounds like she is projecting because she feels embarrassed or rejected. maybe this weird ear licking thing was an attempt at some kind of physical intimacy, and when you didn’t want to be licked, she defensively took it as you rejecting her.
“I don’t think it is ‘okay’ to hurt you. Not only was it completely unintentional — I’m still not sure what exactly caused you pain — but I apologized. And in case my first apology wasn’t sincere enough, let me try again: I’m sorry for hurting you. And now, it’s your turn: are you sorry for what you did?”
NTA for inadvertently hurting someone when trying to get away from them and she’s an AH for continuing to engage in physical contact with you after you asked her to stop.
But for the post-conflict behavior, probably E. S. H. It’s unclear exactly what happened (you were extremely light on details), but it seems like you both lashed out at each other instead of trying to deal with the specific situation
its the baby only yours because you say my baby not our baby
[deleted]
INFO How old is the baby? If she’s freshly postpartum, there are tons of hormone changes and emotions don’t make sense. You are right if this is a normal occurrence but just because you’re right doesn’t mean anything right now when emotions are high. Try to let it go.
NTA for not wanting to be licked but I get why she was upset. Although she handled it poorly and should have stopped as soon as you told her to. To me she clearly was trying to connect in a playful way but didn’t catch on that you didn’t like it (at first) and by the time she did I think her feelings were hurt more than anything. She’s reaching out to connect with you with a new baby in the mix. That takes time! More than anything she’s embarrassed by the obvious rejection. If possible you should try to schedule a date night. Maybe even stay in and snuggle and watch a movie while a grandparent keeps baby for a couple hours. It’s hard to feel connected after a new baby arrives and I think you both need it.
ngl this whole thing sounds like a miscommunication spiral. you clearly didn’t mean to hurt her, but she probably felt dismissed and reacted emotionally. probs best to just talk it out once you’ve both cooled down.
NTA My god. I hate when people do silly stuff like wet willy in my ear or tickling when I asked them to stop. It can feel so overwhelming. It’s not okay for you to hurt her intentionally, but you didn’t. It’s not okay for her to continue licking you when you asked her to stop.
She seems to be jealous of the baby, and it’s her feelings you hurt.
NTA. She is exhausting. No means no. She should be old enough to understand that.
EWE! NTA! I don’t like much dog licking let alone some person licking my face! So you hurt her feelers. If she’s an adult she will get over it!
NTA
You want to marry this childish person with disgusting behavior??
She obviously wanted attention from you…….
Nta. Consent is universal.
NTA. She just got embarrassed and she’ll get over it. I’ve had similar things happen to me where I’ve tried to flirt or be sexy in some way and I screwed it up. I’m a very clumsy person so I’ve accidentally hurt my partner physically, like by bumping into them or pulling their hair too hard so on and so forth. It’s embarrassing, it sucks when it happens, but they usually just tell me, “ow, that hurts” or “I don’t like that” and I just apologize, stop, and switch gears. All she had to do was respect that you didn’t like it, stop, and either move away or switch gears. She didn’t have to make it a big deal. Again I get that it’s embarrassing, but no means no, no matter what.
NTA… This is what we refer to as manipulation. She egged you on, you tried to be respectful, then you tried to move away from her all while holding your baby. WTF is she going on about. She put you in a position that was uncomfortable and was being overbearing but is the one turning it around on you to make you the bad guy and then simply arguing because she wants to be right.
By saying you hurt her, she took the attention off of her bad actions and directed them at you. Complete BS and is not a good sign for her ability to handle conflict like an adult.
NTA
NTA
Even if OP’s finance meant “hurt” in the emotional sense, it’s still comes off a little manipulative (I’m using that in the lightest sense of the word). Many parents don’t feel comfortable doing things even remotely sexual when they’re holding their kids or when their kids are close, even if the kid is an infant and doesn’t understand anything.
OP’s fiance should’ve just taken a step back at the first sign of discomfort or the first “no” without needing an explanation (at least not needing one right then and there)
Making your partner uncomfortable is not ok, regardless of the gender of the person doing it, or the partner’s gender.
When tempers cool a little, op could potentially tell their fiance that her actions made them uncomfortable and if they did hurt her, it was unintentional. maybe? Idk, regardless, OP is Not The Asshole.
PPP pppp
No means no 🤷🏻♀️
Nta.
I wouldn’t like him to lick me like a postage stamp either.
This is my take on it:
She saw you and baby having a nice time and wanted to join in, making it a cuddly family thing. In her head it was probably going to be very cuddly and nice. Her attempt did not fall in good hands with you (can’tblame you). She realised but in stead of stopping she continued. She is hurt because she feels rejected and humiliated. Her feelings are valid.
What is not valid, or ok, is her behaviour afterwards. It is very childish and manipulative.
We all do stupid things sometimes, and we have to learn to get over it.
I hope you two find a way to make peace. No-one is winning an argument, it is about agreeing and see things from the other person’s POV.
Good luck!
NTA
I would personally find it extremely difficult to tolerate people who do gross shit like lick you with “a lot of saliva” (!!??!?) while refusing to respect simple requests to stop. You are NTA, but I really feel like you shouldn’t need to resort to Reddit to sort out this out (and y’all are raising a baby…).
NTA she was making an excuse to be upset with you bc she was embarrassed.
No. You asked her to stop. She didn’t listen her own fault. She’s trying to make you feel bad.
Yeah, it’s bullshit. The question is do you want peace or not. Sometimes you have to placate a little bit of crazy to keep the peace.
She was in your personal space, fuck her and leave her, if not many many years of more pain are headed your way. Facts
lol esh. you seriously having a fight over this? you seriously cant work it out?
Sounds like you’re in a relationship with a toddler. She sounds so exhausting. You already have a baby, you don’t need another one in the form of a grown person acting like one.
AITA for accidentally hurting my fiancée after I told ●her● to stop licking me?
So I was just lying down and feeding my baby on the couch. ●Him● and I were relaxing and cuddling when my fiancée decided to lie on top of the both of us, I didn’t mind. I started playing with my son’s ear with my lips and making noises, and then for some reason my fiancée decided to do the same to me, but with a lot of saliva and licking. I told ●her● to stop licking me
OP, I’m very confused, sorry, I don’t know how to bold, but see the black dots. If OP is HIM how can HIM AND I be relaxing?? This makes no sense!
NTA. Your fiance needs to learn that no means no. She ever heard of consent. Also, if she can’t tell you how you hurt her trying to pull away from her then I’m calling BS on her really being (physically) hurt. She’s just pissed you won’t let her treat you like a rug.
NTA but you should both go to couples therapy before you get married. Not only is she getting upset over something trivial, but the communication between the two of you is dire. There’s a lot of red flags here that indicate this will not be a happy marriage.
Your description really grossed me out, so I don’t blame you at all.
NTA she is an AH for laying on top of you while you were holding a baby. The rest of her behaviour is just the icing on the cake.
NTA. No, stop, and don’t do that are reasonable requests. Did she specify how exactly you “hurt” her? It sounds more like she’s butt hurt because she’s embarrassed.
NTA. That’s really gross.
Most childish fight ever. Really.
Your wife sucks
She’s sulking because she feels rejected more than it is that she was physically hurt- she’s embarrassed.
Either way, NTA. The more pertinent question is why she thinks it’s okay to continue doing something that makes you physically uncomfortable after you clearly didn’t consent. Even if you didn’t handle the aftermath perfectly, she’s not got much of a leg to stand on when it comes to the initial interaction. Silly behaviour too when you’re trying to safely hold a baby.
NTA. Based on what you shared that’s an easy one. But then you came to Reddit. That’s going to be a problem.
Why? Because you already know she’s wrong. You don’t need other people to stroke your ego and dog pile on your partner to make you feel better.
That’s not the communication that’s going to make this relationship healthy.
She IS exhausting. She just can’t admit she was wrong. NTA
NTA. I have these same discussions with my 3yo. And that is developmentally appropriate. Your fiancée, however, is far too grown to not understand this action and reaction sequence.