Hi I F25 have been dating my boyfriend M28 for 6 months now. He’s an absolute gentleman, checks all my boxes, treats his family really well. Good job, spoils me, has hobbies, good in bed etc. Basically the entire package.
But over the past month or two since he’s gotten comfortable with me in bed, some of the things he does or likes have made me question him. I feel like deep inside he be one of those red pill alpha male guys who think less of women. For example, when I’m giving him a blowjob, he’s been asking me to kneel down while he stands, he says he likes slapping my face with his dick, he says he likes ‘fucking my face’ because of the choking noise i make. Even when he ejaculates, he wants to finish on my face or asks me to put my tongue out. And just some other fetish stuff that i don’t feel like writing about.
Outside of bed, he’s very gentle and respectful again. So I’m confused as to wether he’s pretending to be this man and who he is in bed is actually who he will later become. I’m feeling very conflicted. Women/men who have experienced this, please share your opinion. Thank you in advance
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Just sounds like he’s learned all he knows about sex from porn.
When you’ve told him that those aren’t things you like how has that gone?
It sounds like he is mimicking stuff he sees in porn, which happens an absolute fuckton nowadays. He is displaying traits that are usually ascribed to Doms, and you are the Sub. I hope that you are voicing your opinions about these sex acts with him, and having discussions about your boundaries. It is his job to make sure he has enthusiastic consent from you to do these sexual things, and I sincerely hope you tell him which ones irk you the wrong way.
That being said, his behavior in the bedroom shouldn’t really influence your opinion outside of him if he is being courteous about respecting all of your boundaries in the bedroom. There’s not really a reason to think he disrespects woman or is a red-pill/alpha male unless he does something degrading to you without your explicit and enthusiastic consent.
m25 i like the kneel down position too but not in terms where i’m in control but if you don’t like those things that’s perfectly fine and you should tell him.
Everything you describe comes from porn
I’m kind of the alpha/leader in my marriage (I’m the woman). But I have kinks or fantasies that are the opposite. That I’m being dominated by my husband. That tends to happen in the bedroom, where you want the opposite of your day-to-day self.
So maybe because he’s so sweet and such a gentleman, he’s wants to be rough and be dominant in bed.
Have an open conversation with him about it, and tell him if you don’t like those things. If you trust him at all, your first thought shouldn’t be that he’ll go cheat on you
Do yourselves a favour. Have the conversation. Have the confidence and tell him how you feel, what you don’t like. Ask him what he’s looking for and what he wants to try. Are they things you want? After some pretty awful relationships and awful sex I swore to myself that I advocate for myself and be fully open and honest with my partner. Inviting the conversation and being open-minded and kind with my responses(even when saying no)
Next partner became my husband. Been together for 14 years.
Cannot believe the comments so far. Logical extension is to do nothing that’s ever appeared in porn.
You want to know what’s going to make your sex life better? Talk to him. If you’re willing to break up with him because he thumped your cheek with his dick that he happened to see (or possibly not, he is after all a thinking human, he might’ve just come up with it on his own), you’re doomed anyway. Change your status to “missionary only in the dark”, and enjoy.
If you don’t enjoy it and find it degrading, don’t do it. I don’t mind being on my knees but someone slapping my face with their dick would just take me out of the moment, knowing my partner likes the sounds of my airway being blocked isn’t attractive to me either. Finishing on my face is an absolute no-no. Like others said, he’s recreating POV bj porn, it’s very obvious. Kinda sounds like you have to really perform when sucking him.
He will survive if he doesn’t cum without your tongue sticking out, or on your face, or while slapping your face with his dick. He should really care actually if you don’t enjoy something.
FYI, a lot of women would find what you’re experiencing super fucking unpleasant, and would feel like there’s no intimacy in these scenarios.
Sounds like he has some kinks that you aren’t comfortable with. Don’t do it if you don’t want to! Tell him you’re not comfortable with those acts in bed, and to keep those fantasies in his head
Communicate how it makes you feel and that it’s ok once in a while but it makes you feel less connection and doesn’t turn you in or makes you feel unsafe etc. sex issues are often communication ones but he probably feels safe with you to request you to do new stuff like this with him
This is not a guy who is an absolute gentlemen. Red flag, I would consider my options.
My bf and I are both into that stuff in the bedroom, but he’s still very respectful/loving in our relationship! That’s prob just stuff ur bf is into, and he may not be aware you’re not into it. Usually it’s just roleplay.
What REALLY matters is how he responds when you tell him what you’re not comfortable with! If he respects your boundaries and stops doing the things you tell him you don’t like, that shows he’s the same gentleman you know him to be. On the other hand, if he complains or makes you feel guilty for not wanting the same things he wants, that’s a red flag. The fun stuff y’all do during sex should be mutually enjoyable! If he tries to push it on you after learning you don’t like it, that’s a bigger sign he doesn’t respect your decisions and probably won’t in the future.
Okay I do have some advice.
My boyfriend is exactly like this. Normally, he’s a very kind and sweet gentleman. He’s very cute and loves to be babied. But when he’s having sex with me he’s the opposite. He’s aggressive, rough and dominant (For the most part).
When I’m giving him oral sex he likes doing exactly what your boyfriend does as well.
I don’t think any of his sexual preferences are bad or questionable at all; I also don’t think they’re a reflection of him as a person. We always talk about what we like and what we don’t like, we constantly speak about boundaries and respecting them. If either one of us isn’t comfortable in engaging, we make that clear and stop.
We are both very different to our usual selves during sex and I think most people will be able to relate to that.
Your boyfriend’s behaviour during sex shouldn’t sour your perception of him outside sex, he just seems to have different preferences to you and that’s absolutely fine.Obviously if this was in tangent with him displaying the typical “Red pill/Alpha male” behaviours outside of sex that would be concerning.
Have a conversation with him about it and be open with how you feel. Tell him you don’t feel comfortable with those things because I’m sure he doesn’t want to make you do things you’re not comfortable with.
Wow..
He’s watched too much porn
He likes the sound of you choking…. I don’t need to know anything else, instant deal breaker for me. You can talk to him if you want, but the truth of the matter is you don’t align. And no amount of talking is gonna change that.
I don’t think one correlates with the other. Some people are freaks in bed.
Once again overthinking. Enjoy the moment
That’s just like, soft BDSM. Nothing inherently misogynistic about it, IF he stops if you blatantly and directly express to him that you don’t like it.
So he’s a dom. People’s kinks and fetishes in bed are not always in line with their personalities outside of it. Just because he has a domination kink in bed doesn’t mean he wants that in the rest of his life. I’m kind of like that too: I like to be dominant in bed but I don’t want to be dominant in the relationship overall. I want each of us to be making decisions, and to be responsible for ourselves. I hate girls who expect you to lead them everywhere, plan everything, pay for everything, etc.
You have to tell him. Set boundaries if you are uncomfortable or feel demeaning. Some playfulness is fine but choking on him every time is a bit excessive. A mutual experience is to be enjoyed not just by one. Have a chat as you slow the pace down with a slow sexy oral act. Make him se the live and not the porn side of sex.
He just likes this stuff. You decide whether you can put up with it. Does it bother you a great deal, or you are told it should ?
I’m a man who is very respectful of women, their attitudes, their space, their bodies, their aspirations, their freedoms. And I love to play rough in bed, but only with someone who consents to it, with interest and enthusiasm. Playing rough in bed certainly could include the things you mentioned and many other things. Playing rough, playing power games (I’m a switch), it’s all wonderful fun, if you’re into it.
If you are not, if you’re not open to at least exploring it, then you are not compatible with him. But the bottom line is, you need to have a conversation about it, see what’s going on with him and let him know about you. Then you will either work it out or not.
You are right to question this and have a real honest discussion about this as you may not be compatible regarding sexual expectations and it makes a huge difference as time goes on – your instincts have kicked in and do listen to them – a good relationship is having good communication and both should feel safe discussing needs – if you really do not like that type of play – you-need to be honest