My husband and I have a strong relationship overall, but things got really hard when we had our first baby. We had just moved to a new town during COVID, and we had no local support. His parents were within driving distance (about 5 hours), but they never visited.
Looking back, I now recognize I had postpartum anxiety. Our daughter had colic and would cry for hours every night. She needed constant holding, and I was utterly exhausted and overwhelmed. We were navigating parenthood completely alone, and it took a real toll. We fought a lot trying to figure out how to survive it all.
During this time, I found out my husband had reconnected with an ex and had what I’d consider an emotional affair. It nearly ended our marriage. We eventually got into couples counseling, and thankfully, things got better. Around that time, he also went to stay with his parents to get advice and emotional support. During that visit, he shared things about me and our relationship that he later admitted were unfair or exaggerated.
Although we’ve moved past that chapter in our relationship, the damage with his parents seems permanent. They’re polite in group settings, but they clearly avoid one-on-one interaction with me. They never ask about me, never initiate visits, and keep their distance.
My husband has noticed it too and even brought it up with them. He’s told them we’re happy now and asked if there’s an issue, but they insist everything’s fine.
It’s hard because I always pictured marrying into a warm, close-knit family. I thought we’d build something stronger than what I had growing up. Instead, I feel like an outsider. I feel sad—for myself, but even more so for our kids who are missing out on close grandparent relationships on that side.
My own parents live far away but are very loving and involved from a distance. They don’t visit either, but they stay connected and show their love.
I guess I’m wondering—has anyone else experienced this? We’ve been together 12
years, it’s been 4 since this happened.
Did you find a way to move on, resolve it, or at least make peace with it?
Thanks for reading.
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TL;DR: When we had our first baby, we had no support—moved towns, had a tough newborn, and I had undiagnosed postpartum anxiety. My husband emotionally reconnected with an ex and overshared with his parents, which hurt our relationship and damaged mine with his family. Though we’ve healed as a couple, his parents remain distant and polite but cold toward me. It’s been 4 years. Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you cope or move forward?