I (34m) recently finished a very nasty divorce towards the end of January. While it was clear I was upset about it at the time to anyone I talked to, I like to think in the last few months I’ve really gotten better and that I’ve separated myself quite well from the whole situation. Last week was my younger brother’s (28m) wedding. Me and him were always close growing up, and I knew how much this day meant to him. I was very proud of him in the moment and began to tear up during the ceremony, which was met with stares from many family members and others.
I thought they were just surprised to see me cry, as I’m typically not the crying type, so I brushed it off. Once the ceremony ended however, the Brides Mother, and her Father not far behind came over to me and began scolding me. I didn’t catch what she said at first because I was confused, but it became clear she accused me of crying over my divorce, and taking away from their moment. I tried to explain that I was crying tears of joy for my little brother, but they weren’t having it and told me to leave right away. I tried to calm things down and talk to my brother and his wife, but was told they wanted me gone. The next day I was met by 2 texts, a text from my brother and a text from his wife. From my brother, it was a message saying he was disappointed and said I shouldn’t have attended the ceremony if I knew I wouldn’t be fit to attend. The message from his wife was similar.
AITA?
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I (34m) recently finished a very nasty divorce towards the end of January. While it was clear I was upset about it at the time to anyone I talked to, I like to think in the last few months I’ve really gotten better and that I’ve separated myself quite well from the whole situation. Last week was my younger brother’s (28m) wedding. Me and him were always close growing up, and I knew how much this day meant to him. I was very proud of him in the moment and began to tear up during the ceremony, which was met with stares from many family members and others.
I thought they were just surprised to see me cry, as I’m typically not the crying type, so I brushed it off. Once the ceremony ended however, the Brides Mother, and her Father not far behind came over to me and began scolding me. I didn’t catch what she said at first because I was confused, but it became clear she accused me of crying over my divorce, and taking away from their moment. I tried to explain that I was crying tears of joy for my little brother, but they weren’t having it and told me to leave right away. I tried to calm things down and talk to my brother and his wife, but was told they wanted me gone. The next day I was met by 2 texts, a text from my brother and a text from his wife. From my brother, it was a message saying he was disappointed and said I shouldn’t have attended the ceremony if I knew I wouldn’t be fit to attend. The message from his wife was similar.
AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I cried during my brothers wedding, and I may be the asshole because people believed I was crying over my divorce
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Wtf NTA and these people suck. As long as you wernt loud or disrespectful. Hopefully your brother heard a weird version from the in-laws so just tell him you cried because you were happy for him. Jeeze
NTA. You cried at your brother’s wedding, not his funeral. Weddings are emotional. The idea that you “stole focus” just by tearing up is ridiculous. Their reaction says more about them than it does about you.
NTA. As long as you weren’t sobbing so loud that it interrupted the ceremony, you did nothing wrong. Crying at weddings is super normal. I’m in a very happy relationship and last year I cried like a baby at a good friend’s wedding because weddings. are. emotional! Maybe because you don’t normally cry much, people chalked it up to some unresolved feelings about your divorce, but even then this feels like an overreaction.
So they presume they know better than you why you cried. That’s rich. You’re NTA but they sure are.
NTA, but I’m curious, were you standing with the bride and groom as the best man or groomsman, or were you sitting with the other guests?
I cry when I see people getting married on tv so absolutely in person with people I actually care about. Too bad they won’t believe you but you are NTA.
Dude when my friends and family got married a shit ton of us were happy crying every single time, your family is fucked NTA
I don’t think you were these types of occasions can be very emotional
NTA. They are weirdos.
I’m curious if you were just teary eyed or actually sobbing. If it was just wiping your tears then definitely NTA
NTA
I will say NTA for crying but I have personally witnessed the sister of a bride bawling her eyes out shaking and getting mad at her parents for not stopping the marriage because she didn’t want her sister to get married, while at a celebration for the couple, and it was definitely upsetting for the family and just odd. I kind of see where they’re coming from because of that, but if they don’t accept your explanation that’s just plain weird.
Feels like something’s missing here
Sadly, if you had been the groom’s sister, no one would have had a second thought about your crying. (People are jerks like that.) NTA
I wept during the wedding ceremony of a very dear friend. My father had died a few weeks before, and I was overwhlemed by grief as I realised my dad would never get to walk me down the aisle, nor be a grandad to any kids I might have. I had no co trol over those tears spilling down but bit my lip to stifle any sounds, as the last rhing I wanted was to create any distractions on someone’a wedding day. People did notice but they were gentle and kind to me. You were also suffering immense grief and you are definitely NTA.
NTA. Your brother’s in-laws kicked you out, creating more of a fuss than if they had let you show emotions on a day when it’s absolutely natural to show emotions. How would any other guests know whether you were crying because of the divorce or joy for your brother? Tears don’t come out with labels on. And now your poor brother faces a lifetime with these hard-nosed, heartless people. Ugh.
INFO
Why do you think this happened? Can you provide context because you know the people involved well and readers don’t?
It’s not unheard of for people to cry at weddings. It also causes more fuss and time to ask people to leave than a few quiet tears causes. Someone has done a mental calculation and determined asking you to leave is the best course of action, so can you provide context and clarity?
NTA because you showed emotion and they couldn’t tell the difference between happy or sad tears because of what happened (I apologize if that sounds rude but furthermore, you’re nta
Letting a few tears fall is normal. Audibly sobbing like you’re at your brother’s funeral would be weird and over the top. If you did the former, you’re NTA. In that case I can’t comprehend why the brides parents would react the way they did. If you did the latter, I can understand why they’d be peeved that you created noise and distraction during their daughter’s ceremony. But it’s still heartless and unnecessary for them to punish you by kicking you out of the wedding (unless you were so histrionic that they thought you’d continue to cause a scene at the reception).
NTA. They are assuming the worst about you. Really, they need to ease up.
Verdict: NTA.
Talk about rushing to conclusions.