I (18F) have had a constant problem with my mom (37F I think), where she likes to get drunk every other night and blast music all night, preventing me from sleeping.
Tonight, I snapped at her when I smelled alcohol on her, with my exact words being “are you drinking already?”, and she came up to my room asking if she and I could talk. I said no, that I don’t feel like talking to her while she’s drinking and that she can come back when she’s sober. She tried to slide $20 through my door and asked me if I would accept twenty dollars to “pop a Benny” (take Benadryl) to go to sleep so she could drunkenly blast music all night.
I refused, and she tried to reason with me. I said I have work at eleven in the morning, and she insisted she would wake me up at nine. I answered that she doesn’t get up until past noon when she’s drunk the night before, and she pressed on. I basically just said I can’t trust her and that she’s proven her words are empty. She made me slide her the $20 back, which I didn’t mind, and she left. Now she’s in the garage pouting about not being able to blast music.
Still, some people on Reddit have sent me DMs when I post things complaining about my mom, saying things like “she’s just being silly” and “you’ll regret saying things like this when she’s dead”. So now I have to know, am I the one being an asshole about her drinking?
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I (18F) have had a constant problem with my mom (37F I think), where she likes to get drunk every other night and blast music all night, preventing me from sleeping.
Tonight, I snapped at her when I smelled alcohol on her, with my exact words being “are you drinking already?”, and she came up to my room asking if she and I could talk. I said no, that I don’t feel like talking to her while she’s drinking and that she can come back when she’s sober. She tried to slide $20 through my door and asked me if I would accept twenty dollars to “pop a Benny” (take Benadryl) to go to sleep so she could drunkenly blast music all night.
I refused, and she tried to reason with me. I said I have work at eleven in the morning, and she insisted she would wake me up at nine. I answered that she doesn’t get up until past noon when she’s drunk the night before, and she pressed on. I basically just said I can’t trust her and that she’s proven her words are empty. She made me slide her the $20 back, which I didn’t mind, and she left. Now she’s in the garage pouting about not being able to blast music.
Still, some people on Reddit have sent me DMs when I post things complaining about my mom, saying things like “she’s just being silly” and “you’ll regret saying things like this when she’s dead”. So now I have to know, am I the one being an asshole about her drinking?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Some people on Reddit have sent me DMs on my previous posts complaining about my mom’s alcoholism, saying things like “she’s just being silly” and “you’ll regret saying things like this when she’s dead”. I’m also wondering if maybe I was a bit harsh refusing to talk to her until she’s sober or if I maybe jumped the gun a bit.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NAH. You’re 18 and choosing to live with someone who has a disruptive lifestyle. She had the good manners to go to the garage to pout, rather than blasting music all night. Still, must be quite an ordeal to live with her. But if this is what you want to keep doing, I guess that’s OK with me. I’d get tired of it.
NTA. Your mom literally tried to pay you to drug yourself so she could party. That’s not normal parenting.
You are NTA
Your mom is dangerous. Be careful.
NTA – As a parent, my jaw literally dropped when I heard that she suggested that you take sleeping pills just so that she could be as loud as she wanted. When people in my family need to be up early, the rest of us make an effort to be respectful. If I have some *deeply entrenched need* to blast death metal, I can use a pair of headphones. Your mother is most definitely TA, and I’m not surprised by your comment that you don’t plan on keeping in touch when you move out.
Also, let’s be real – although you are an adult and *technically* ‘choosing’ to live with her, it’s only basic courtesy even with roommates. Once you realize that someone is being an AH in your living situation, there’s inevitably going to be some time before you can make an exit (like you’re doing).
NTA and frankly you seem to be lucky to have lasted this long with a mom that acts like a drunken band groupie
NTA.
Hide your money. Make sure she can’t access your bank account. Secure your important documents. Work towards getting out if possible.
I’m sorry, I had a similar experience growing up (albeit) I was younger and my mom did not try to get me to do drugs. I would sleep with a pillow over my head. Now that I am an adult, when arguing about stupid things, she still says, “remember you’re the child and I’m the adult!” Like lady, you were never the adult.
NTA sleep is a basic necessity, you literally cannot function without it.
There is no reason for your mother to be getting drunk and blasting music all night other than her own entertainment. When you become a parent it’s a basic requirement that you sacrifice your wants to meet your child’s needs.
Drugging you is not a valid alternative.
Join the military.
😬😬😬😬😬😬 I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. NTA
NAH, you have a valid reason to not want to deal with the behavior. But, your still under her roof.
She needs therapy instead of drinking away her problems, and I hope you are capable of learning to stand up for yourself without breaking someone down, especially when that person doesn’t seem to be handling life well at the moment.
NTA; a parent should be there to guid and protect their child. Not try to manipulate.
Even tho a Benadryl isn’t even a prescription drug, it’s really weird for a PARENT to want their child to take an unnecessary medication to sleep when all you need is reasonable quiet.
Your mother is a drunken narcissist. NTA.
NTA but you know your mom is an alcoholic? If she is offering to pay you so she can drink, she knows she is disrupting your life enough that it is an issue. Have you talked to her about her drinking? There is a ton to say about her addiction but I don’t want this to be about her addiction.
There is more going on here than being offered $$ tonight. Obviously I don’t know anything about your situation, but I’m still offering the advice of finding a new place to live. It isn’t your responsibility to police your mom’s life. Even if you feel responsible for her, you are not! Your quality of life shouldn’t be tied into your mother’s behaviors. If you need support there are groups available with others dealing with very similar situations. My BFF drank herself to death before she was 50. I know some of the pain you deal with. Good luck
NTA – Your mom is on a destructive path that implodes her life and affects yours.
You need sleep without being drugged in order to work; a basic life goals. She is too far into her addiction to understand this….sad but true. Sorry you are going through this and no, you are not the AH however, those stating you should relent, “are being silly’, etc. are AHs.
You and your mom have the exact age gap my mom and I have, and a similar dynamic–she’s irresponsible and thoughtless, and I was parentified very early and blamed for basically anything that annoyed her. She kicked me out when I was 16 because I “cost too much money” and “would be fine” as a homeless teenager. Your mom is better than mine, but only barely; she’s not being silly, she is a narcissist with an alcohol abuse problem. You are NTA, but you might want to start stacking up some cash in case she decides your presence is getting in the way of her drinking.
Anyway, NTA. I’m sorry this is happening to you. It does get better from here, though. and screw all those people who tell you you’ll regret complaining when she’s dead.
Back when I had a drinking problem like your mother I used to blast my music while wearing my AirPods. That why I could enjoy without disrupting the household. I’m not defending your mother m, I think she’s very selfish and needs help. Sober myself for 3 years. I look back and I’m so ashamed and embarrassed about my behaviours
NTA she wanted you drugged so she could drink and play music? This is awful and I’m so sorry.
Yes you are
NTA. Alot of people have a deranged sense of faaaamillly and live in some delusion that having horrible crappy family members is better than having none. They’re wrong so don’t listen to that garbage.
NTA. Trust me, I have never regretted all the truths I told my mom after she died. She was a bad parent, and yours sounds just a bad.
My mother was an alcoholic. I hated when she got sloppy…and I would tell her that I’d leave if she drank. I realise that you can’t do this at night, so I would hold your ground. You’re NTA. Eventually, she went on Naltrexone which helped her stop drinking. I had some resentment for a cpl decades, but we reconciled a cpl years before she passed. All that to say, try to get her help and know that it’s all up to her. If she refuses, at least you tried and you won’t have regrets.
I’m sorry that you’re in this situatio…hang in there.
NTA. Those people messaging you are full of shit. Tell them to go duck off.