This feels so wrong to be writing down like this. I feel gross comparing him to other men.
I dont have many friends, the ones I do are all women. Recently I have joined a little club and there are a few men my age and slightly younger I have been hanging around with when I am there. They are pretty cool.
Every time I hang around them, I just get the overwhelming feeling of just how immature my boyfriend is. Multiple time I will need a few seconds for my brain to calibrate over what has just happened. A much older woman that we dont talk to much has recently gone through a lot of things, and one of the guys suggested we all chip in and get her some flowers.
Sorry to be sexist here, but I didn’t know guys could do that. I genuinely didn’t realise a man could think about someone else struggling and do something nice for them just because. It really threw me off.
Another guys girlfriend messaged him while he was showing me something on his phone. The contact came up as ICE – Girlfriends name <3. ICE? In case of emergency??? at his little age?
All of them have realistic plans for their futures. One was showing me a saving scheme for buying a first house. The other talks about a nice holiday he wants to go on that he is saving up for. The other mentioned he wanted to do a masters degree and is trying to plan out doing one part time in the future.
Its really random small things too, the one guy was dog sitting. Grandma needed something picked up so he did it for her. One day it was raining hard so he gave me a lift back home.
I know I am only ever seeing the best of them, and I see the best and worst of my boyfriend.
I know my boyfriend isn’t a bad person, he isn’t mean or spiteful. But all of these things would never cross his mind. All of his goals for the future are grand and luxurious. He doesn’t go out of his way to offer, its either in front of him or it doesn’t exist.
I think my boyfriend is just really immature. is this miaybe a semi normal thing where some guys this age are and some aren’t? will he grow out of this?
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“Comparison is the thief of joy”
It’s also a huge motivating factor why one person eventually cheats or monkey-branches…..which usually ends up in the crapper.
If you had certain issues with your bf WITHOUT comparing him to other people then that would be one thing, but if it happens AFTER you compare him to other people then you’re just looking at somebody else’s lawn.
“Will he grow out of this?”
That’s impossible to tell. Some people never get their shit together. Some people do. I know people in their 40s who are less functional than some people in their 20s.
What you really need to evaluate here is what you think he is lacking. Are you saying he never does nice things for you? And never helps you/his family/etc ?
I can see why that would be a problem.
And with his grand plans for the future. Am I right in thinking you’re implying he’s doing nothing to realize those dreams? If so, what does he do? Is he working a good job and going to have an ok life? Or is he sat on a sofa claiming he’ll be a millionaire one day?