We’ve met on Tinder, and right from the first messages, the connection was uncanny. I’ve never met a girl who literally speaks my language. We have so much in common, shared interests, movies, music, lifestyle, tattoos, etc we can talk for hours on dates, messages, voice notes about everything and the time just slips by so fast when we are together. On the very first date, we spoke nonstop for 4 hours straight, and it felt like 10minutes. Everything is going great and I just can’t wait to see her again and again. We do a lot of different stuff on dates – cinema, going out to restaurants, walking her lovely dog, biking, you name it. I know she grew up without her dad and was raised by a single mother, and she’s independent, smart, funny, and has good taste in pretty much everything. She also has strong feminist/vegan/animal rights/lgbtq beliefs, which is totally fine with me. I haven’t asked her about her previous relationships yet, but I have a feeling she’s been single for a long time.
We’ve been dating for about 2 months, exchanging countless messages, voice mails on a daily basis, sharing how our days went, and all that. I have never been this long in a “limbo” before. Usually, after a few dates, I can clearly see where my relationship is going, or I end up in a romantic situation, but with her, there are no romantic aspects at all. She doesn’t seek physical contact, there are no “read between the lines” messages, no late-night texting/calls, and cute messages, and I’m starting to worry that we might stay like this forever, and I really don’t want that. I just simply don’t even know at this point if she likes me in a boyfriend way and it make me fall in love with her even more and I’m afraid I might fuck it up rushing things.
I’m a sucker for small gestures, gentle physical and eye contact and just overall romantic stuff couples do. I also have the tendency to be impatient, but I’m managing that pretty well so far (it’s a challenge tbh). It’s also worth mentioning that she’s inviting me on dates, writes first, and I’m doing the same, so maybe that’s why I’m a bit confused, cause I can see she still wants to date and keep this going.
Any reasonable advice would be welcome.
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Have you tried, you know, talking about it?
Okay so have you tried flirting. Why are you not sending the cute messages? Have you tried holding hands to see how she reacts? Have you talked about what you want out of a relationship (a very normal thing to talk about after a few dates…).
Take some initiative! She might just be waiting for a move clear enough to react to.
Ask her, but it sounds platonic to me and that’s awesome that you’ve met a new friend!
Are you pushing for romantic gestures too? Maybe she’s thinking you don’t like her like that also. Next time you’re out for a walk reach for her hand to hold it or in the cinema. See how she reacts. She might be shy and waiting for you to make the first move. If she takes back her hand then it’s time for a conversation about are you friends or are you two heading towards more at a slow pace.
Sounds like you would be awesome friends.
“Usually, after a few dates, I can clearly see where my relationship is going”
You are seeing it, but you don’t like what you see. It looks like this is developing into a really nice friendship.
But you already decided that you don’t want that outcome. So now you need to go all-in. You need to tell her about your feelings and about your hopes for the future.
Here is my point of view. It‘s highly subjective and please, view every perspective seperately and not as a whole.
Dating from a healthy perspective:
Red flags I see here (this is strongly subjective and based on my rather consistently unpleasant experience with these types of women):
Again, from my own experience and when I read the dynamics, this gives off some strong vibes of a possible Cluster-B personality (specially borderline personality disorder) when looked at as a whole.
Her being single for a very long time can either mean she‘s been taking a break and focus on herself OR it can mean that she isn‘t able to maintain a relationship (fear, impulsiveness, avoidance, attachment issues) longterm.
Again, take this with a grain of salt and not as a judgement, but as a possible perspective.
Talk to her about your needs and wants, even if you might lose her. Being in this limbo can wreck you long-term and you aren‘t even in a relationship yet.
If she needs more time, give her like a month (don‘t tell her, just set it as your own personal deadline) and after that you should consider breaking it off, when nothing changes.
Thanks guys.
Well I kinda tried to make the first move, by suggesting a kiss on the cheek when we met and goodbye instead of a friendly hug, which I said felt awkward, but she said its not awkward at all, and she still didn’t kiss me back (or at least make a gesture like this) so I’m afraid she’s either not ready yet or she’s afraid or don’t know how to do that. Usually, I wait for permission to make a move by reading the signs, but in this case I don’t see any yet.
We were also kinda flirting recently in a voice messages about the sound of our voices and we both agreed that we really like each others voices.
I’ll try to compliment her on the next date to see what happens and maybe try to ask her out, where are we going with this. I’m just afraid that my worst scenario will come true that she just wants to be friends. I just haven’t figured out yet which is worse for me – knowing she only wants to be friends or not knowing and hoping for something more. It’s tough for me
She’s 36. She isn’t a girl any more.