My ex and I broke up 20 years ago when our kids were 3 and 1. Our reason was he made a financially reckless decision, buying a very fancy car that we could not afford that he took out debt to buy, that put the financial security of our family at risk without telling me and then he blew up at me for not supporting his decision and wanting him to sell it and pay off the money he borrowed to get it. He told me a real wife would’ve supported him and fuck me for wanting to take away something so special.
After our divorce he had to sell the car anyway and he blamed me for it. He was nasty to me in every conversation after that as long as our kids weren’t present. He remarried about 2 years after our divorce. He and his wife told me she was the kids new mom and she would be just as important if not more so than me. More than once they told me I was nobody special or important and the kids would have a much better relationship with the new wife. I had to bite my tongue around the kids whenever my ex’s wife would be all over them. I hated the two of them. This stuff was never said/done in front of our kids. And I would walk away but they carried on speaking and they’d approach me anywhere at any time as long as the kids weren’t there to try and claim that I was going to lose my kids to them.
The kids ended up hating her and their dad after a while though and I was never very sad about that. I think they were always going to have to dislike or pull away from me or him. Because my ex and his wife would never have accepted both. They always believed she would come out on top over me and would be the favorite mom and that I would be called my kids’ birth mother.
When the kids were in their mid teens they asked a judge to let them live with me full time and that was granted. They had calls and some non-overnight visitation with their dad that they hated and now both of them are in college and in their 20s and they have been no contact with both for a couple of years now.
I was recently at the opening of a new restaurant in town when my ex and his wife confronted me over the state of their relationship with the kids. Before they could get too nasty to me again I smiled and told them that it was not my fault they destroyed their relationship with the kids and they were wrong about the outcome. Then I decided to be a little petty and I gloated that I guess she was the one who was nobody special or important after all because the kids certainly never called her their mom.
I know what I said was petty and that it was rubbing it in. Maybe it makes me as bad as them. Or maybe not. But it felt good after years of putting up with so much from them. Does it make me TA?
Comments
NTA you could have said much worse things instead of just repeating what they said
NTA. You did the right thing by not engaging as the kids grew up. That’s probably a part of why you have the relationship with them and their dad doesn’t. Kids hear and learn a lot from what is said and what isn’t.
Now that they’re adults you can speak your mind. In this case, all you said was the truth. If they don’t like it, they’ll have to learn to deal with it.
NTA. I love a polite burn. But they didn’t even deserve your politeness, you don’t mess with people’s kids. They can both go sit on a cactus.
Well done on how you handled the situation over the 20 years tbh. Definitely NTA and a nice bit of pettiness!
Comtinue to enjoy your relationship with your kids!
NTA, you bit you tongue for 20 years. While they took every cheap shot they could. You had every right to throw it back in their faces. They deserve a lot worse.
Plus, kids can be very observant. I guarantee they knew something was off with their father and new wife and the animosity they had towards you. And, that added to the resentment.
Hope, you were able to rebuild a happy like for yourself.