I (35f) have been dating my boyfriend (37m) for 7 months. So far our relationship has been good except that he doesn’t seem to have any interest in being intimate. He will offer a peck when we first see each other or when saying goodbye and he’ll hold my hand but that’s about it. There’s rarely a real kiss between us. We have been sexual before. I typically initiate, it would last about 10-15 minutes about once per week. I have not initiated for the past 3 weeks, so nothing has happened. We spend the night with each other at least 3-4 nights out of the week. I’m looking for advice on how to ask him why he doesn’t seem interested in being intimate. I don’t want to offend him but I also want intimacy as well. He’s not super religious. I have an IUD to prevent pregnancy. I’ve wondered if he has someone else or if he’s just not attracted to me. Any advice on how to approach this conversation with him?
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Who knows, maybe he’s just not sexual. This is the point of dating though, if you value sex then you know this relationship isn’t going to work out unfortunately
You two are not compatible. Move on.
If I were in your shoes, I’d sit him down and talk about it. Sex is important to me and I need physical intimacy in my relationship, so I’d discuss it with him with compassion and respect. A civil conversation is possibly, just use a lot of “I feel” and starting sentences with “I”, dont “you” too many times yknow? Don’t go in with “why don’t you want to have sex with me”, but instead “sex is important to me in a relationship, and I was wondering what sex means to you?”
Sounds like he’s asexual. He might love you but the intimacy part is not important him. Just have a discussion and if he’s not into initiating intimacy you might need to move on and find someone that will meet your needs
Hi there! I’m (36F) in a 7 month relationship right now too (39m) and I wanted to share what my relationship is like: he is constantly seeking me out and highly romantic. We are intimate every other day, and if it goes longer it was because there was literally no time (we both work 10-12 hour days) and yet we almost always make time. Sometime daily, sometimes twice a day. My point being, this is the new relationship energy stage, the honeymoon stage, and he’s lacking intimacy already? Does he try to get you off at all? Go down on you? Does he plan dates and pull you in close to cuddle at night? Press you up against walls? Do you look up and catch him staring at you because he can’t believe you’re together? This is supposed to be the part where you can’t get enough of each other… and frankly I never want this stage to end. I will do what I can to keep this level of affection—like I expect it to settle into a routine eventually, but even then I will want romance. I used to be in a relationship where I had to beg for connection: all it did was ruin my confidence. Now I am showered with connection. Do. Not. Settle.
So how do you ask? There’s no trick to it, just tell him you’re crazy about him and want more of him.… no asking needed, just tell him you want more…. but believe actions. If you tell him and he steps up, great! And if he doesn’t change, believe him. Trust your gut.
Does he prefer the screen? I’d drop him there, but if there’s other issues aside from porn, it’s up to you to determine if it’s compatible with your needs.