So this has been building up for months now and I’m actually losing my mind. I don’t even know if I’m overreacting or what, but it’s starting to feel like I’m just… not allowed to be the mom of my own kid anymore. My husband’s sister let’s just call her her moved to our city a while ago, and ever since she got here, she’s been weirdly obsessed with my daughter. At first, I thought it was sweet. Like, “Aww, she’s trying to bond.” Cool, whatever. Family and all that. But it didn’t stop. She just… inserted herself. All the time. Like, I’d be feeding my kid and she’d grab the spoon from me and say, “Let me do it, you look tired.” I wasn’t tired. I was fine. I was bonding with my baby. And even if I was tired, it’s still my job. I’m her mom. Then it escalated. She started coming over uninvited. Just showing up, picking up my kid, rocking her, putting her to sleep in her arms while I sat there like a ghost. She started buying baby stuff without asking me and telling people she was the one raising her. One time, she actually got upset like visibly angry when I didn’t let her take my kid for the weekend. She said, “You’re being selfish. You need a break.”
I told her, “Please stop. I’m the mom. I decide what’s best for my child.” And she literally laughed and said, “You’re too controlling.” Controlling??? For wanting to be the one to raise my own child??? And the worst part? My husband thinks I’m overthinking it. “She’s just being helpful,” he says. “She loves our daughter.” Okay great. She can love her. But she’s not her mother. I am. Last week, I finally snapped. She came over again without telling me, walked in like she owned the place, and tried to take my baby out of my arms. I pulled back and told her, firmly, “Stop. You need to let me raise my child. Please give me space.” Now the whole family’s acting like I’m the bad guy. She’s been crying to everyone about how I don’t trust her, how I pushed her away when all she wants is to “help.” My husband’s caught in the middle but barely defending me. I feel isolated, disrespected, and honestly, kind of scared. Like, if something doesn’t change, I might lose control over my own child. I don’t want to be mean. I don’t want to cause drama. But I don’t feel like I’m being unreasonable either. So… Aita?
Comments
NTA
You don’t have a SIL problem. You have a husband problem
NTA that’s your house and your child, you decide what’s best for the kid especially when they’re so young. Anyone with common decency would understand that. Maybe invest in a door chain so she can’t come in?
I just read this same story about an hour ago
NTA, time to put some hard boundaries down and start locking the doors, you owe it to NO ONE but your hubby and you to open the doors to your house. Id also tell my husband its either he lays some boundaries down or he can lose the both of you and he can thank his sister constantly coming in and out of your home and taking your baby away from you
NTA She needs to learn to mind her own business. If she wants time with your daughter, she arranges her plans with you in advance and if you say no, it’s no. She has no right to question you. Your family who is siding with her haven’t witnessed her behavior so their opinion is uninformed and unimportant. You should feel comfortable being a mom to your daughter and your husband needs to be on your side, sticking up for you.
NTAH. Can you pack a bag and go stay with your parents or a friend? Tell your husband you will come back when him and his sister get back to reality? Because this is not going to improve being polite. She’s overstepping to a major degree. She lost all the privileges by treating you like a babysitter instead of the mom.
ESH but not the OP or her kid. OP and her kid are not the AHs here
NTA you habe a husband problem.
“Look im your wife, this OUR daughter- not a child who’s a doll who’s free for all, as her mother and your wife, im asking for boundaries- no more walking in uninvited, no more taking the baby from me, and no more unsolicited advice. If your sister wants a baby that bad, tell her to go have one of her own but this is MY baby and what I say goes. If you cant respect that, then go find a lawyer because youre not the man I married and I refuse to be ignored and run over because youre more concerned with your family than your wife.” And let that fire burn. If hes smart, he’d help put the fire out by setting boundaries, if hes a bad husband, then the fire will destroy your marriage because sister means more apparently.
Updateme
Nta. You have a husband with no backbone. He should be supporting the mother of his child
Why do people let things like this build up? Why won’t people speak up the very first time someone crosses or violates a boundary or does any other shitty thing?
NTA…………….SIL is slightly mental.
YTA for getting AI to write you a fake story 🙂
NTA.
You have a SIL and husband problem
And you have to set boundaries:
– YOU and your husband are the ones raising your daughter
– She can love her as much as she wants, but she can’t overstep
– She can’t come uninvited
– Her help will be appreciated, when is asked for
– YOU decide when you need a brake
NTA document everything. Get a baby cam and protect yourself and your child. I feel with these kind of posts things can escalate super fast and then your being accused of having ppd and then they take your baby or something.
I’m sorry, your husband’s been so spineless, but he can’t even stand up for you in the face of this.
She’s not the problem your husband’s the problem because he should be the one dealing with this instead of lacking any kind of courage whatsoever
Repeat after me…”It’s not “help” if the person you’re “helping” doesn’t want it. It’s rude and intrusive and if you don’t stop I’ll have to limit my contact with you.”
Frankly your husband is the REAL problem here. You need to make it clear to him that what his sister is doing is making you both hate and mistrust her. So if he wants you to have a decent relationship with his sister, he will tell her to the back the fuck off and if he doesn’t chances are you’ll soon be divorced.
Also tell him that couples counseling is non-negotiable (and make sure you find a good therapist who understands boundaries).
Let the family know that they are enabling a bully. Ask them how they got so brainwashed they can’t see who they’ve become.
Tell your husband if you have to leave him to protect yourself from his overbearing sister, you will.
Keep your doors locked. Don’t give her a key or hide one outside. If you are not exaggerating, this is disturbing behavior. Draw a line in the sand. If DH complains tell him this is the hill you will die on. Be firm.
NTA, even without the childcare interference showing up to somebody’s house uninvited is completely rude. But the bigger issue is that you have a Husband problem, he should be protecting you.
NTA. I wouldn’t trust her either. When confronted about it, own it and don’t back down from it.
Take the baby and yourself for two weeks at Mom’s.
Or
Buy chain locks and deadbolt locks, change your lock, fo not share the keys.
Don’t let her near the child. And don’t let her in your house.
yta for being a spineless wussy and not ‘using your words! right off the bat!! on your husband and your SIL. sheez
” Your sister consistently violates my boundaries and privacy. I cannot live with her constantly intruding on my space and my parenting. If she wants a child to bond with she needs to have her own, and stop trying to push me out of our child’s life. Im over the lack of respect from both her, your family and you regarding it. If she continues to come around and intrude then I will just start leaving each time. I can’t even feel comfortable in my own home anymore. “
NTA
Who just lets people walk into their house? Who just goes to someone’s house constantly uninvited? Very strange.
The husband is supposed to be your partner. He’s supposed to back you up. It’s time to talk to him seriously.
Ask your husband who is he married to you or her? Because he needs to pick one.
How is disrespecting your boundaries helpful exactly? How is telling people she’s raising her…..helpful? NTA
NTA: besides a sis in law problem the bigger problem is your husband
Fake. Used the word selfish. People don’t use that as often as posted here.
NTA. Well one thing you can do is lock your door. Don’t let her in your house. For some reason she is a key, time to change the locks. Also time to get some couples therapy and your husband needs therapy on his own pointing out that he is a doormat to his sister and lets her do whatever. Ask your husband so you’re fine with your sister just taking our child never giving them back? You know she wants the kid whether it’s because she’s never had a child and she wants one really badly but the fact that she wants her brother’s child is just weird.
Fuck his entire family. Shes crossing boundaries and being over bearing. Its like she wants a kid but cant so shes using yours. She needs to back off and your husband needs to stop being an idiot
Lock your door and just do not answer and she can’t just walk in.
NTA!!! You have a SIL AND husband problem sadly. You are also not overreacting at all.
Don’t you lock your doors?
Your husband is the bigger problem.
Change the locks and don’t give her or her parents a key. Tell your husband that if he gives them a key you will change the locks again. NOBODY should let themselves into your house like they own it.
If she comes over and your husband lets her in, pack up your child and leave the house. Tell him you no longer feel safe around his sister.
Document her behavior so that if this escalates and it causes a divorce, you can use her behavior to try to get full custody. Maybe she wants to cause a divorce so she can swoop in and help raise your daughter.
Updateme!
NTA – Your SIL is not your big problem. It’s your husband. There is no being caught in the middle. Your and his core family are your husband, your baby, and you.
This woman has way overstepped. She truly believes that she is your baby’s mother. She has absolutely no right to just walk into your home. She isn’t allowed to decide how to raise your baby or even if you’re tired. I believe she may have mental health issues.
His family is playing the guilt game and manipulative game. She is not the victim. She is the woman who truly believes that your baby is her baby.
I would change the locks and install a ring camera. I would keep the doors locked. I would put her trespass notice advising that if she enters your home against your wishes, you will have her arrested.
If your husband disagrees, he can go live with his sister, too. You shouldn’t have to say one word to his family or his sister. That is his job to handle his family.
Every conversation should be from him saying: “I” and “me” as he wants and thinks the same thing, too. You and he are the parents and a team. He’s playing for the other team right now.
BTW, she behaves like this bc he lets her. Until he grows a spine, this is going to be your life.
Your sister in law needs to back off. She’s being psycho!
NTA she is being disrespectful to you and trying to take over your ability to be a mother. Next time your husband is spending time with your child du exactly what she dies to you to him. See how much he enjoys that.
Nta lock the door if she has a key take it back.