I’m typing from my phone, so please excuse any typos.
Throughout my teenage and college years (ages 12–22), I struggled with depression and anxiety and often felt like I didn’t truly belong in my family. My brothers (25 and 22) played sports, and much of our family life revolved around their games, tournaments, and activities. As a result, I frequently missed out on experiences that aligned with my own interests or chances to spend time with friends.
Being the only girl, I didn’t have anyone to confide in about those feelings. And now, as an adult, I still often feel like an outsider in my own family. My brother (25) has a great job and frequently gives gifts, and when I try to express my hurt or dissatisfaction, my parents often remind me of those gifts, as if they outweigh the underlying issues.
I’m usually the last to know about family gatherings, if I’m told at all. My parents and brothers will plan cookouts or events and not inform me, even though I’ve made it clear that I value being included and appreciate advance notice (something I always try to offer them as well).
I know I’m rambling, but I just feel really isolated from my family and I don’t know what to do or how to address it. I’ve felt this way since I was a kid. Whenever I tried to talk to my parents about it, the response was usually: “What about everything I do for you? What about the things I’ve bought you?”
TL;DR: I feel excluded by my family, and I’ve felt this way for a long time.
Comments
Hey there.
Same situation, flip flopped. Only male with an older sister and a twin sister. Middle child, hah.
I personally gave up trying to appease my parents, I moved back in with them and talk with them regularly, but no longer try to win them over, show my siblings up, etc. When guests come over, my family talks in circles about what my siblings are doing, and they can barely explain what I do (when they do, it’s what my job was 5 years ago actually, haha!).
“When your family shuts the door, your friends open a window.”.
Solid friends helped me feel like I belonged, and that sense of belonging from them superseded the compulsory need that I used to wish my parents had for me. Good friends will lift you up and feel like family, bad friends will make you feel like your family. Find the distinction.
Have your siblings mentioned the clear favoritism in the past or are they oblivious? Can’t be ignorant of the fact that one day your parents will need you, and how they treat you today will reflect your presence in the future.
Guess who doesn’t have to be the one caring for them in their old age! Although they and your brothers will definitely expect it.