I (24F) have been with my boyfriend (24M) for 6 years now. We’re kind of high school sweethearts, though I actually didn’t like him in high school. It was by chance that we ended up going to the same university, and that’s when we really started getting closer.
Over the years, there were times when I had to convince myself I was in love with him. That phase seemed to pass, now I feel so deeply in love with him, he’s my best friend and the only person I feel completely myself with. He makes me laugh, he understands me in ways others don’t, and I’ve never had to hide any parts of myself with him. But I still have these thoughts. Like what if I conditioned myself to love him? What if l’m still just convincing myself? Is this just some weird long-term Stockholm Syndrome or complaceny? Perhaps even codependency.
Today, I got high and had the strangest moment. I was just looking at him, and it felt like I could see every single flaw. Not just physically, emotionally, too. It was like I couldn’t recognize the person in front of me. The feeling really turned me off, like I didn’t even want to look at him anymore. It felt so uncanny and wrong, but I don’t know if it was just the weed or something deeper surfacing. Now, he’s not conventionally handsome, but I’ve never cared about that. His personality has always been what attracted me, but in that moment, even that felt unfamiliar. And now I can’t stop thinking about this being some weird, intuitive signal that the relationship is over?
I guess I’m looking for advice or just similar stories. Has anyone else in a long-term relationship ever felt this way? How did you work through it? ls it normal? Can a relationship last if these thoughts are always there, lingering in the background?
TL;DR Been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we’re really close, but sometimes I wonder if I genuinely love him or if I’ve just gotten used to him. Got high today and had a moment where I couldn’t recognize him – it turned me off completely. Now l’m overthinking if that was just a high moment or a deeper sign. Has anyone else gone through this in a long-term relationship?
Comments
Sounds like its part of the relationship. People go through that moment of disillusionment in long term relationships. Its not a bad thing. And also weed helps you view things more as an observer as they are (like from the outside) so it may have aided it. That said, this is one of the real tests of a lasting relationship I think..to see someone as they are and love all of it, and a lot of it is a choice too. Experiencing it suddenly can be scary and yes can make you wonder if there’s another side of you you haven’t noticed. And I’d say there’s two parts to it. One, you can decide if you want to choose to loving this person as he is and not as you WANT to see him. And the other, maybe there is a side of you, you haven’t explored. And the unknown is always scary, but it is still a part of you and if you decide to block it out, I believe it will crop up and feel more alien to you each time. This is where self understanding comes into play, of exploring the sides of you, you may not know or accept. And usually that starts with noticing something about you you haven’t noticed before. This too is a good thing that helps self growth.
Bottom line, I dont think the feeling is something to worry about. And experiencing getting high like that can be a bit overwhelming and it is possible it caused it. So my advice would be not to jump the gun, explore your feelings, and rather then get scared and disgusted by what you notice, both in you and the one you love, view it without judgement. Maybe you might find that the very flaws that you dont like both in you and others, might also play a big part in what made you like them in the first place.
Confusing advice here haha, but hopefully it gets you to think about it rather than shut it out. Long story short, just let yourself process it before making a decision. Thoughts dont make a person, what thoughts you act upon do.