So a family moved in around 6 months ago and seem quite nice. They have 2 kids, we have a 9 year old son. Kids, man and woman always say hello and very polite. They said when they settle they would like to invite us round for dinner (hasn’t happened but kind to say.) We know their names and say hello in passing and I’ve even sent his CV/resume to my workplace when he was looking for work. So yesterday he knocks round and says could we discuss childcare options with each other as we as parents all work and may need extra help so we may need them to have our son occasionally and we could have their children round. We are both full time workers but incredibly organised so have all childcare booked and planned until October. I felt I wanted to be neighbourly and say yes of course BUT also hesitant as I dont want to be saddled with kids I barely know all the time and know for sure we simply dont need extra help. Should I have given it more time before I said “thats kind of you to consider us but we are genuinely ok! Thanks!” Feel like I may have dismissed him? AITA???
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So a family moved in around 6 months ago and seem quite nice. They have 2 kids, we have a 9 year old son. Kids, man and woman always say hello and very polite. They said when they settle they would like to invite us round for dinner (hasn’t happened but kind to say.) We know their names and say hello in passing and I’ve even sent his CV/resume to my workplace when he was looking for work. So yesterday he knocks round and says could we discuss childcare options with each other as we as parents all work and may need extra help so we may need them to have our son occasionally and we could have their children round. We are both full time workers but incredibly organised so have all childcare booked and planned until October. I felt I wanted to be neighbourly and say yes of course BUT also hesitant as I dont want to be saddled with kids I barely know all the time and know for sure we simply dont need extra help. Should I have given it more time before I said “thats kind of you to consider us but we are genuinely ok! Thanks!” Feel like I may have dismissed him? AITA???
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1.Not providing free childcare to a neighbour
2. Not being a good neighbour
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
That’s not your responsibility and don’t fell bad for saying no! Sounds like you’re a people pleaser lol
NTA
You were polite, honest, and clear. You barely know them, already have your childcare sorted, and don’t need the help. It’s perfectly fine not to commit to an arrangement that doesn’t benefit you.
He might’ve just been exploring options, but that doesn’t mean you’re obliged to say yes or feel guilty for setting a boundary
NAH
it’s a simple difference in situation: they are new to the neighbourhood, settling in and setting up their lives and routines there, while you have yours already established. you haven’t done anything wrong, but if you do feel you want to offer more of a hand in friendship why not set up a few play dates for the kids? you could explain that you already have childcare for the year sorted but you would like for the kids and families to get to know each other better, so that if all goes well perhaps you can coordinate those plans next year
NTA. You barely know these people. You’re not obligated to watch their children just because you live near them.
Honestly, his request seems a bit strange, especially the “you may need us to watch your kid” part. A polite, “thanks, but not interested” was definitely your best option here.
NTA. “That’s a kind offer, but we have our own arrangements that we’re happy with.” No need to feel bad. Also, they barely know you, or you them, I definitely wouldn’t be comfortable leaving my kids with neighbours!
Nta- I would have done the same. Overtime you may develop a friendship and get to know the family but at the moment it is a bit of a hard ask. What if the kids don’t get along for example.
Don’t get saddled with them, they sound like moochers. You already have your childcare set up. They need to be grown up and find their own.
Nope. You’ve got arrangements already made and don’t feel the need to opt into their child-care sharing. It’s best, when you’re already sure you’re content with your own arrangements, to politely decline and not entertain the discussion so that someone else thinks there’s room for negotiation.
NTA. You handled it just right.
Wow I think your response was great. I would have froze and halfway committed or some dumb thing. NTA
NTA. That’s weird. You may be neighbors, but you really don’t know them. Mind you, I thought taking his resume was a big deal as again, you don’t really know him and now linked yourself to him – if he got hired.
NTA. The request in and of itself isn’t A-holery, but neither is your response. It sounds like your neighbour needs to look into more formal arrangements for childcare.
NTA. Even if you were looking for childcare you probably wouldn’t choose to put your son with a family you hardly know and their children who aren’t currently friends with your son. I can’t really blame them for asking but I would absolutely have said no to this as well.
NTA
Beware the “thin edge of wedge” situations. A small request like “could you drop off a resume” will turn to “let’s watch each other’s kids” and continue to escalate.
Better to nip this shit in the bud and be thought of as stand offish than allow things to build to a point where you have to draw a hard line that causes hurt feelings.
Takers never stop taking.
NTA as you aren’t really close to them at this point. You don’t say how old their 2 kids are – but eventually if they’re the same age – a closer friendship may develop and kid swapping may occur naturally. If you have a list of reliable babysitters – or know some local teens looking to babysit – that may be something to offer them in the future – that way it shows them you’re not interested in being their emergency childcare contact but provides them with potential sitters in the area.
NTA: he probably misread your situation and just thought it would have been a win win.
But experience suggests people proposing such things are generally thinking about their needs and not grasping others.
You handled things just fine. It sounds like they are looking for childcare help and may not offer any on their end. Great idea not to get involved with that.
Your response was a natural response since what you said was absolutely true, so NTA. If you feel like you may have been a bit abrupt you might want to provide the family with suggestions for daycare since they are new to the neighbourhood.
NTA. I think you would need to be really close friends before discussing something like that. Plus, if you guys are all set with childcare then it’s really just them pawning their kids off on you. I have an arrangement with one of my neighbors to cover date nights for each other, but we were VERY close for years when we came up with the idea & it benefits both of us.
I think your response was perfect. I might have gone one farther and offered them names of before and after cares at your local school or different babysitters that you or people you know have used.
I think it’s ok what you said. You weren’t rude, you were just telling it like it is.
Maybe next time you and your fam are home, you should invite them over or suggest a play date or something to show you’re open to hang more than to watch the kids.
It’s hard to trust new people so they may also be just trying to reach out for company or new friends too.
Were they talking about the occasional play date on a Saturday so you can run your errands or have a nap? I do this with a family down the street. We alternate weekend play dates and occasionally a school closure.
I’ll have her boys over to play with mine, and then the next weekend they all go to her house. It’s for maybe 2 hours, just enough to have a bit of a break but it’s not terribly difficult for the parents watching them.
If it were anything more than that, I would not want to do that.
NTA, he was clearly looking for you to watch his kids, and if you don’t want to commit to that then polite no is the best way.
NTA but I wouldn’t leave my kid with strangers just to avoid offending someone.
NTA they really tried to catch you out with that kne! Thank goodness you wised up quickly. Otherwise those two would be round your house at any given time. Asking for snacks, breaking toys, being in the way etc. I understand why they would ask. Could be really useful, but you are right, your boyncomes first none of you know the family and you already have plans in place.
NTA.
They only moved in 6 months ago and you’ve only interacted with them in passing? They’re either trying to shirk responsibilities, or they’re incredibly overly trusting.
NTA. You can be good neighbors without taking on the responsibility of childcare for each other. Especially since you have your childcare all taken care of. You know you’d end up watching their kids more than they’d be watching yours. That kind of thing turns into expectation really fast.