My wife and I were on a ferry headed to a small island. While we were waiting in line, I noticed a woman with what looked like a working line breed dog possibly a service animal. As someone who owns a large working breed dog myself, I couldn’t help but notice. I’d left my own dog at home in the comfort of air conditioning because it’s a hot day, and my wife doesn’t like our vacations being interrupted or influenced by the presence of a dog.. even mine.
A few minutes later, that same woman came into the interior seating area of the ferry. She looked flustered, almost desperate, scanning the room. I assumed she was trying to find a place to sit with her dog ..it was really hot out, and the dog was panting heavily. Out of instinct and empathy, I offered, “You can sit here,” meaning I was fine with her sitting nearby with the dog, in case she was worried someone might object. As a fellow dog person, I wanted to extend a bit of kindness, especially for the dog’s sake.
She replied, “No, I’m looking for water,” and I noticed she had a dog bowl in her hand. I told her, “There might be a bathroom downstairs,” trying to be helpful. Then I turned to my wife and asked, “Do you have a water bottle?” She handed it to me and said, “Yeah, give her this one.”
But I immediately sensed a shift in tone, sarcasm, and passive aggression. It felt like she was upset, not about the water, but about me offering it. She stood up and walked off to the outer deck, visibly angry, leaving me sitting there alone.
Confused, I went looking for her. When I asked what was wrong, she said, “You’re an asshole for offering water to another woman. Why is that your problem?”
I tried to explain. It wasn’t about the woman. it was about the dog. I saw an animal that was clearly overheated and struggling. I empathized. I just wanted to let the owner know she could sit near me if she needed to. I wasn’t flirting. In fact, I even pointed out that the woman wasn’t someone I’d ever be attracted to, and my wife knows that about me..
if it had been someone I might be attracted to, I probably would’ve said nothing at all just to avoid drama.
I’m starting to heavily dislike her and her culture and religion that i succumbed to being part of.
She claims and speaks highly of her countries cultural values and religion but does the complete opposite.
Shes from Morocco and of Islam religion to which I became a part of because we couldn’t marry if I didn’t convert. I’m open minded so I said whatever let’s do it.
We live in USA New England region.
This isn’t how American values are, or just anybody’s values who has logical reasoning and a heart. I didn’t grow up like this. Even the most human hating people soften up for animals. All of our arguements are because of cultural indifferences and her inability to compromise 50%
Judging and catching an attitude with her husband over me being a nice guy offering water and a seat to someone of the opposite sex. I didn’t flirt or touch the person. I just offered to do something nice.
Now I’m getting the cold shoulder for “fucking up and being an asshole”
About to just jump off this boat and stay in the ocean far away from drama (sarcasm)
AITA??
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My wife and I were on a ferry headed to a small island. While we were waiting in line, I noticed a woman with what looked like a working line breed dog possibly a service animal. As someone who owns a large working breed dog myself, I couldn’t help but notice. I’d left my own dog at home in the comfort of air conditioning because it’s a hot day, and my wife doesn’t like our vacations being interrupted or influenced by the presence of a dog.. even mine.
A few minutes later, that same woman came into the interior seating area of the ferry. She looked flustered, almost desperate, scanning the room. I assumed she was trying to find a place to sit with her dog ..it was really hot out, and the dog was panting heavily. Out of instinct and empathy, I offered, “You can sit here,” meaning I was fine with her sitting nearby with the dog, in case she was worried someone might object. As a fellow dog person, I wanted to extend a bit of kindness, especially for the dog’s sake.
She replied, “No, I’m looking for water,” and I noticed she had a dog bowl in her hand. I told her, “There might be a bathroom downstairs,” trying to be helpful. Then I turned to my wife and asked, “Do you have a water bottle?” She handed it to me and said, “Yeah, give her this one.”
But I immediately sensed a shift in tone, sarcasm, and passive aggression. It felt like she was upset, not about the water, but about me offering it. She stood up and walked off to the outer deck, visibly angry, leaving me sitting there alone.
Confused, I went looking for her. When I asked what was wrong, she said, “You’re an asshole for offering water to another woman. Why is that your problem?”
I tried to explain. It wasn’t about the woman. it was about the dog. I saw an animal that was clearly overheated and struggling. I empathized. I just wanted to let the owner know she could sit near me if she needed to. I wasn’t flirting. In fact, I even pointed out that the woman wasn’t someone I’d ever be attracted to, and my wife knows that about me..
if it had been someone I might be attracted to, I probably would’ve said nothing at all just to avoid drama.
I’m starting to heavily dislike her and her culture and religion that i succumbed to being part of.
She claims and speaks highly of her countries cultural values and religion but does the opposite.
This isn’t how American values are, or just anybody’s values who has logical reasoning and a heart.
Judging and catching an attitude with her husband over me being a nice guy offering water and a seat to someone of the opposite sex. I didn’t flirt or touch the person. I just offered to do something nice.
Now I’m getting the cold shoulder for “fucking up and being an asshole”
About to just jump off this boat and stay in the ocean far away from drama (sarcasm)
AITA??
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole because of too much manipulation and gas lightning from her part that I believe I’m an asshole for being a good hearted Samaritan who helps thy neighbor in a time of need
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Wow, calling you an AH for being a kind person?
Does your wife even have a soul?
NTA
> This isn’t how American values are, or just anybody’s values who has logical reasoning and a heart.
the fact that you’re feeling this way is a much bigger problem than anything else in this post.
do i think your wife overreacted? yes, i also find her behaviour strange.
but i don’t know anything about the culture or religion you married into. you haven’t even said what culture/religion it is. the only thing we know is that you’re resentful of it.
but the fact that you think your american values are “logical reasoning” and hers show she has no heart….. woof. that’s bad. like, that’s really really bad.
you need to go to therapy. your resentment is going to turn into racism, you are already expressing cultural chauvinism about a culture that is your wife’s, your future children’s. this culture and religion is a part of the fabric of your family no matter how you feel about it. so you better get those feelings sorted out now before you cause some serious damage to the people you supposedly love.
INFO: What culture/religion is this? And what country/region of the world was this? You say you agreed to her culture and religion and now you’re second guessing yourself, but also that Americans don’t think this way, which confused me. If this isn’t a western culture nor western area that might change things? At the moment, N T A but more info is needed.
NTA
Your wife should work on her insecurities. You helped a human in desperate need of help for their pet
Pets and children are similar in that they are reliant on another for their care. I wonder if your wife would’ve acted the same if she were needing water for her child
Any culture or religion that forbids giving a thirsty dog water is a shit culture and fake religion. NTA.
NTA and get out now unless you want to be dealing with this behavior for the rest of your life
yikes what. NTA. Also you’re offering it to the dog, not the woman.
This is not a religion problem. This is a wife problem.
Your wife is jealous about you giving a woman a drink for a thirsty dog. An animal.
You are already not liking this aspect of your wife’s character. Unsurprisingly. Perhaps time to cinsider couples’ counselling.
NTA
NTA. Your wife sounds rather mean spirited.
NTA. I love when my husband helps others. Even if it were for the woman herself, you wouldn’t be the AH. Your wife is very insecure and being selfish.
NTA: There is absolutely nothing wrong with helping out an animal that is clearly struggling, let alone a service animal. Your wife is clearly an insecure and paranoid person if she thinks that helping out a service dog means that you are making a pass at another woman.
Your wife sounds like an extremely cold and emotionally unavailable woman if it is possible for her to be this unfeeling towards a dog who is clearly in desperate need of support.
NTA for offering the water to a dog/person in need.
YTA for explicitly stating you wouldn’t give water to a woman you found attractive. Do you care about dogs or not? That’s your reason for this post is caring about the dog so much that somehow it made your wife upset. But you recognized she was not someone who could be a threat to your wife so it was okay to engage?
NTA. Does your wife bring anything positive to the relationship? Because she sounds absolutely exhausting.
The way it’s written, could this be AI?
You did the kind thing by offering help. If you’d kept your post limited to just the actions you took, I would absolutely be on your side.
Your wife is absolutely an asshole, but that has nothing to do with her background and everything to do with her being an asshole. She’s controlling and she doesn’t trust you. There are people like that in every culture and religion. Don’t judge a whole group of people based on one individual.
ESH except the dog.
NTA.
She should have been proud of you for being a good person.
Have a few days away when you get home. Think about what you want from a partner and life.
If helping those in need is being an asshole the world needs a lot more assholes. Your wife sounds really selfish and insecure.
I do know that some religions think dogs are really gross. However, can we get past that for a minute and see a creature in distress? How about just caring about the woman being worried about her dog? If your wife was really jealous because you were helping a woman, that’s absurd. Like you said you were just trying to be kind. If she’s upset that you were helping the dog, then she’s not being very understanding of your culture. Americans tend to love dogs. It kind of seems like she needs everything to be all about her all the time. That worries me. It sounds like you’re young, and your wife needs to address this situation or else she will be miserable.
NTA
I will admit, I like dogs a lot more than I like people. I just don’t understand why your wife would be upset about you offering a dog owner water for their dog on a hot day.
Life sounds so much more stressful when you’re straight AND insecure. NTA
I used to think most of these type of stories about people/partners/family members were made up, until I recently came across one or two people with that exact frame of mind. Understand where they are coming from, I still don’t! But now I believe they DO exist, and that makes me hate people even more 🤔
NTA
NTA. I would have done the exact same thing, offered the woman my fiancé’s water. If he didn’t offer it first.
Could it be the fact that dogs are najis in Islam? (I’m not Muslim, I’ve just researched Islam pretty heavily before.) I have to admit, I’m surprised your wife allows your dog inside at all as that’s generally frowned upon. And as far as I’m aware, it would be considered haraam to keep a dog on a leash without food, water, or exercise. And you were trying to help the woman with the water part of that statement.
Maybe I’m not making sense, I just got off a long night shift in the hospital lab.
NTA but your wife is deeply flawed.
I’m sorry, but this is a bit of an ESH for me.
Offering to help with water? OP was being kind, and his wife was the asshole.
But I was a bit disturbed by the way OP seems to be growing resentful of a nationality, culture, and religion.
I have Muslim friends who care deeply about animals, and who would probably have done the same thing OP did. OP, do you have any Muslim friends? Do you know any other Moroccan people, besides your wife and her family?
Cultural differences can be hard to negotiate, and you have my empathy with that. But it sounds like you’re turning problems you have with your wife’s behaviour into antagonism towards groups that she’s part of. I’d strongly suggest talking to a therapist to help you work through this.
NTA except for the part where you married someone who didn’t like your dog.
She’s insecure
NTA, but your wife seems difficult. I don’t think the religion was relevant in this scenario. Now some idiots in the comments believe her religion has something to do with not giving a dog water.