I dont want to go into excessive detail, but I’ll try to provide as much context as possible.
My (previous) employer allowed a known dangerous person back to our location, who ended up barricading me in an isolated location and threatened me. I couldn’t call or alert anyone for help.
I was able to get away and thought that was it its over and I’m fine but that’s not the case. I tried to say I wasnt okay and that I needed help. In short, my employer neglected to do anything to help me (actually went as far to publicly mock me and berate me for being scared and wanting to feel safe) and ultimately dropped my contract.
There’s a lot more but that’s the gist.
After the encounter I could only leave my house to get myself to work. Since they dropped my contract and I stopped working I have now become terrified to leave my house. Being in a small community and having the people I work with treat me this way has me not trusting anyone.
I push getting groceries as long as I can. I live out of town so just walk around the property to get my dog exercise otherwise I’m literally hiding.
Its been months, I know I have to move, I’m not okay here, but I’m terrified that this person might show up anywhere I am and I dont trust anyone around me to care or help because that’s what this experience has shown me. And what if I dont get away next time.
I dont know what to do. I barely exist. I joined reddit just so I could have some human interaction and feel a little normal.
I wake up crying in a panic every morning. I have to wash my bedding every other day from the night terrors/sweats. I have lost so much weight. I barely sleep.
I just want to be okay again.
Comments
Not going to diagnose you or anything but it seems like the encounter has given you some sort of PTSD or severe anxiety. I’d go speak with a therapist or someone who can maybe help you through it.
You’re in shock, and that’s okay. Take small steps: therapy, grounding, routine, plan your move. You’ve got this.
They failed you when you needed them most and that kind of hurt runs deep. Start small and take back your power because you deserve to feel safe again.
Do you have a friend or trusted family member who you can stay with for a little while so you can get set up in a new city? You can cancel a rental agreement if you’re in danger, no penalty. You can also support at a women’s shelter too while you get on your feet in a new city.
If moving isn’t an option, take legal action. Get a restraining order and if you ever feel unsafe call the cops and have them circle your block a few times.
Also, hire an employment attorney. You have a case, you got fired for retaliation and they put you in danger. Maybe you’ll get some money you start over.
Consider speaking with an employment attorney. See a therapist specializing in ptsd and trauma. Try tapping. There are so many YouTube videos on tapping right now. Find one you like and give it a shot. Consider where you’d move and what would make it feel safer and better for you. Do everything you can to bring that safety to where you are. Do you need to consider self-defense? Take a class. Do what you need to feel safe right now and take care of yourself.
You need therapy. You can do it telehealth.
You went through something traumatic. You got not support.
Moving will help some, but therapy will help a lot, too.
I’m sorry that you went through what you did.