I (32F) have gone no-contact with my only SIL (25F) after several incidents that built up over time. The last straw was when she physically pushed me aside during my pregnancy. I’m now being seen as cold or distant by my in-laws, so I want to know: AITAH for walking away?
Here’s some context:
A while back, my SIL was going through mental health struggles and had stopped speaking to most of her family. I tried to reach out and be there for her, but she told her mom to tell me not to text her. Still, she randomly messages me whenever she feels like it and probably expects me to respond, pretending like nothing happened. Apparently her family allows this behavior.
One time, I couldn’t give her a lift because I was dealing with severe cramps. She took it personally and gave me the cold shoulder. Later, I planned a little outing for her and told her mom excitedly.. she texted me last minute and canceled without any explanation.
When I was in the early stages of pregnancy, I was exhausted all the time, but I still helped her with two graduation photoshoots. I walked around in the sun, took dozens of pictures, and did what I could to make it nice. My husband made a harmless joke asking why she needed two shoots, and she abruptly left the shoot, clearly pissed.. at me. She never even thanked me.
During a really stressful time when my husband and I had to move out of our apartment unexpectedly, I texted her about it, just trying to share and vent a bit. She never even responded. We live 5 minutes apart.
The breaking point: On the day they were moving into a new place, my husband said something that upset her (not me), and she burst out of the house and shoved me aside. I was 6 or 7 months pregnant at the time. Her mom and my husband both saw it happen. No apology. No concern. I was told, “that’s just how she is.” That was the moment I told my husband I was done with her.
Even after the baby was born, I sent her a few sweet photos. No response. She visited once or twice but barely interacted with me. After dealing with further boundary issues with my in-laws during my postpartum recovery, I completely disconnected. I haven’t visited them or invited them over since.
Now, I’m getting subtle judgment for being “cold” or “unwelcoming.” But from my view, I bent over backward to have a relationship with her, and all I got in return was disrespect, indifference, and even physical aggression.
So, Reddit, AITAH for cutting her off and choosing not to interact anymore?
Comments
NTA but where is your sibling who is married to her?? Why haven’t they intervened? I would never speak to her again, she has mistreated you and could’ve hurt you when she pushed you aside
She sounds like a person who is using her ‘mental health issues’ to be a massive biatch.
NTA
NTA, you don’t have an in-law prob you have a husband one. He should be running interference for you with his family. I don’t enable bad behavior and would tell your hubs this is on him now because it’s how you are.
Nta. She pushed a pregnant women. That alone is enough to go LC at least. Everything else makes it more NC. And tell your inlaws to bugger off as they never told her to stop.
NTA but seriously, it’s high time you stopped trying to befriend this woman. Surely you see all your efforts towards her over time were neither valued nor welcomed.
She sounds like an overall nasty person whom her family enables and makes excuses for. Definitely go NC, but stick to it! Don’t be tempted to “try” with her any more, it’s a waste of time and only destroys your peace.
Updateme
NTA, your decision to cut contact was completely justified, no one deserves to be disrespected or physically pushed, especially during such a vulnerable time. I just Googled “effects of emotional abuse on pregnancy” and found that it can lead to increased stress hormones which may affect both maternal and fetal health, it’s important to prioritize your well-being. How do you feel about setting boundaries with family members who enable toxic behavior?
To me you are NTA,
Seems like your SIL is still a brat (no offense) and her parents are enabling her. Pushing you while you are pregnant is NOT ok. (I hope you are ok) Since there’s no apology from your SIL side of the family. They don’t seem to see the picture that they are risking 2 lives both you and the baby. You got the right to cut them off. Don’t be disheartened because of this.
Did anyone else in your family know about this? Your safety is a priority since you are carrying another life.
NTA. You need to protect you and your baby. Keep away anyone who disturbs your peace and your safety. You can reconnect when they decide to behave like human beings. I wonder if your SIL is worried about the attention that your new baby will take from her and is acting this way to isolate you from your in laws. You can tell your in laws that you do not want your baby to be in a room with someone who physically assaulted her mother. Or those who condoned it.
Your husband needs to shut her down and put clear boundaries or shut her out of both of your life’s. And she needs to know that too.
SIL bad behavior is not for you to get involve in and take the fight, it’s his. But if he doesn’t you do and you tell him that he needs to grow a pair and if she is trouble in the future you expect him to do what you did or you want a divorce.
What’s your husbands stance on this ?
NTA. I deal with the same from my SIL she also shoved me outside the house and locked me out
I called police and then she said I did it first ( lie) she has mental issues and is an alcoholic . I’m done. I helped so many times but now I’m done and he has to be to. She lied that I touched her first. She is toxic and I need peace and fk anyone that wants to disturb my peace. I’m content with all the help I’ve done and it’s unappreciated. She did text me a back handed apology, saying as a Christian i need to forgive. I said I forgive her but it doesn’t mean I have to reconcile a relationship. Reconciliation and Forgiveness aren’t the same.
Stay away and protect your peace
Nta and you have a serious husband problem here honestly. Stand your ground, I think couples counselling is a must at this point and good luck op. UpdateMe!
This is one of those stories that definitely has another side. I’d love to hear it.
NTA- I don’t see anywhere that stops your husband texting or sending pics to hys family. I don’t see why your husband can’t take the baby for an hour (after it eats if you’re breastfeeding) to his parents.
You need to sit down with your husband and let him know you will not allow your child to get the cold shoulder treatment from its aunt. The back and forth is damaging to your kids mental health
NTA
I’m married 47 years. One of my sisters in law has always been a pain. Not in quite the same way but, I wasted years and years trying to be good enough for her and some other members of my husband’s family. I wasted years always the subject of negative comments and discussions. It always got back to me.
I would have been far better off if I’d have gone no contact decades before I did. I have very limited contact for many years.
I hope you go no to low contact for a while. It was easier for me because they lived a state or two away from me.
Good luck
Your husband needs to protect you. I cannot believe he did NOTHING when she shoved you because that’s ‘just how she is’. And you still want her to be a part of your daughter’s life? Why? So she can treat your kid like shit when she’s having a bad day and your hubs, MIL, and the whole family will just say ‘that’s how she is’? That’s bullshit.
Youre doing the right thing. It turned physical while you were pregnant. So unless she truly apologizes for that, no one needs happiness your baby gives.
Nta- well done for keeping the boundaries! I can only imagine how much oressure you would have been under to sweep it under carpet and carry on. Stay strong with it, the onus is on her to apologise and take accountability.
NTA.
Go ahead.
You’re justified.
NTA
Hopefully, your husband is being supportive of your choice here and not dragging your child to be exposed to his sister without you there to protect that baby from ~that’s just how she is~.
NTA
>I was told, “that’s just how she is.
>Now, I’m getting subtle judgment for being “cold” or “unwelcoming.”
Tell them then that’s just how you are; why does SIL get a pass but you don’t. Let it be husband’s job to coordinate and host his family for visits.
I don’t care what her issues are, if someone shoved me at all, but especially pregnant, I would not be engaging with them.
I grew up watching my dad beat my mom, including kicking her while pregnant. I have a very low threshold for physical abuse.
NTA she sounds dangerous and unstable. NC is way healthier
NTA
I always wonder why people care about what people think about them. Does it really matter what your ILs think about you? NTA