Hello friends,
this is the first time in my life where I’m seriously considering ending a relationship from my side. Nothing is “wrong”. We don’t fight, she’s kind, understanding, and genuinely a good person. I like her a lot. But deep down I know I’m not in love with her the way she deserves. And I don’t think that will change.
The problem is: I’ve been on the other side of this before. Years ago, my previous relationship ended after five years. I had moved to this city with my ex, and after the breakup I was completely alone here. That loneliness afterwards. It was brutal. Honestly one of the hardest things I’ve been through emotionally.
Now I’m still in the same city. And while I’m no longer with my ex, I never really built a new support system. I have a few colleagues I get along with, but no real close friends here. No family nearby. I would be going through this completely on my own again.
Meanwhile, my current girlfriend is deeply rooted here. She has family, friends, fellow students – a solid social circle. If we break up, I truly believe she’ll be okay. She has people who love her and will support her.
That’s why I really hope it’s not too selfish to admit that my biggest fear isn’t the breakup itself – it’s what comes after. My own isolation. The silence and having no one to talk to or hold on to but some friends 1-2 times a week via discord.
At the same time, I’m starting to feel more and more guilty. Because I am holding her back. She could meet someone now who really, fully loves her the way she deserves. But I’m not that person – and I don’t want to keep pretending I might become that.
Has anyone been in a similar situation?
How do you find the strength to do what’s right, even when you know it’s going to leave you broken and alone?
Thank you for reading this and for your answers!
Comments
I’d go talk to a therapist before you make any decisions. This doesn’t seem to be about here. This seems to be about you. It could be if you figure something out about you the relationship will get better. How we make attachments has a lot to do with what we observed in our childhood and affects us in adulthood. So go talk to someone.
Leave that woman alone. I’ve been there and it’s better to rip the bandage off. Time will heal everything else and you’ll be respected for it.
This is not from a professional but I feel like you have a fear of sudden changes, so what I would suggest is to sort your health situation first, then have a proper discussion with your gf about how you feel.
I might feel like this is rooted deep down and not only just simply out-of-love situation. You may seek help individually or as a couple, seeing if it’s still the only choice in your mind.
Have you been over stressing recently, with a completely new environment, maybe starts there
Uou’re not doing either of you any favors by staying. It sounds like you’re a good person for even recognizing this feeling, and that honesty is huge. Breaking up is always tough, especially when you’re the one initiating and know the loneliness might hit. Rip the band-aid off. You’ll thank yourself later for not wasting her time or yours.
Why do you think you’re not in love with her?