My parents have 3 children in this order: my brother “Dan”, sister “Diana” and me (female as well). We are all in our late 20s, early 30s. Diana claims to have autism, diagnosed as an adult and uses this as an excuse for every stupid thing she does. I personally don’t think it has anything to do with any autism but with her refusal to act like an adult and her love to depend on others.
Our parents are aware of how Diana is but they can’t really do anything about it so most of the times they will try to calm Dan and I down by telling us she is our sister, we need to understand her, she is not like us blah blah. Diana has two children with a guy who when he realized how stupid she actually is ran far, far away. He pays child support but that’s it. He doesn’t care for his kids and refuses to have any kind of contact with Diana. Father of the year what can I say…
Some things that Diana is doing and why I say she is stupid. She somehow sees herself as an influencer so she is very active on social media. Any new trend she sees or anything she feels will bring a lot of engagement she has to do it, film herself and post it. This is how she ended up in the hospital after eating tulips some months ago. This is also how she ended up with a broken arm after twerking in a moving car with her door open. This is also why she had her kids film her getting out of the car and going to feed a bear on the side of the road. Honestly by this point I am genuinely surprised she hasn’t eaten Tide pods yet.
Recently she has done another idiotic thing but now she is facing legal troubles for it. I will not mention what for privacy sake but yeah, by legal troubles I don’t mean a fine. Her actions destroyed 2 properties and could have killed a bunch of innocent people. Anyways, Dan and I were once again asked to help her sort her mess out and we said no. Dan said she could go to prison for all he cares, maybe this way she’ll finally start acting like an adult. Diana once again tried to blackmail us by saying it’s not her fault, her autism makes it hard for her to understand consequences like we do, she’s not smart like us, her brain is not functioning like ours, think about the kids blah blah. So I told her if she is sooo uncapable of being an adult and act like a normal 30 years old person, maybe she should go for being declared mentally disabled. That way we can become her caregivers, we will gain something out of it and she will not only be a burden to us. Now she is crying to our parents that we are horrible to her.
Aitah for what I told our sister and for refusing to help her in any way to get out of trouble?
Comments
[deleted]
NTA. Let your parents enable her if they want. You and Dan are right to step out of it.
My only real concern is the kids. Once again, not really your problem, but it would be good to understand the contingency plan if she gets herself thrown in jail or dead.
NTA, your sister is just stupid autism has nothing to do with it. One of my siblings has autism and functions quite fine, she is an engineer and most people I’ve met with autism have been rather smart. Your sister’s stupidity has nothing to do with her autism. One of my cousins is in his early 30s and has Downs he actually became a plumber and works with his brother in the family business. It’s was their father’s business till he retired, both he and his brother run the business. His brother and my uncle found what his strengths are and cultivated it. I would say how my cousin deals with customers is his strength despite having downs he is known to be trustworthy and honest. He gets the job done a tad slower but it’s done and done right. He is also one of my favorite people. I have no kids he is my main beneficiary in my will.
NTA. And your parents enable her. Let her get a full diagnosis -her parents should urge her! – and then, with help of medical and social services, work out a plan for her. You can tell your parents that if that all is in place, and your sister agrees to follow the recommendations, that then you will support your sister, as long as she does indeed follow recommendations. Of course, if you don’t feel like doing that, then don’t promise it!
NTA
Was a harsh comment I have to say but I do agree with it, especially since there are kids involved. You saying she ‘claims’ to have autism and then saying she got a diagnosis is a little strange, if she has a diagnosis she clearly does have autism.
Regardless, her actions are ones of an idiot, not someone with autism. My main concern is the kids, the irony of her telling you to ‘think of the kids’ when clearly she had no regard for her safety in reference to the fact that she has children who depend on her, it’s ia serious issue that your parents should not ignore or sugar coat. I think she needs a good wake up call, maybe court will provide that but if this continues, more legal action she will put herself at more and more of risk for getting her kids taken away.
I hope she gets some help, and that you sit down with your parents and explain clearly with all severity why this is a massive issue and they can’t keep allowing it. She’s a grown adult, autistic or not she should have the capacity to consider how her actions may affect her kids.
You and Dan should 100% stand your ground, hopefully whatever happens those kids are safe.
NTA but she might be more than autistic if I’m being honest. Some of this stuff sounds like mania. Anyways she’s an adult and if she doesn’t know how to act it’s her own fault.
Block her and move on.
Call CPS…Her kids need to be protected
Autism does not make people stupid. NTA.
YTA. I don’t believe for one second that this story is real.
Tide pods were my solid bet. That behavior is childish, she’s an attention seeker which has nothing to do with autism. In fact, my autism is manifesting via getting triggered by loud noises or someone disrupting my routine, keeping to myself, hyper focusing on things I find interesting etc
How did she blackmail you?
NTA
I was ready to vote against you, but no. Actually as an autistic person myself, I’m a little offended that she’s trying to play off her stupidity as autism. It makes so much harder for people to take us seriously when people act like that.
Autism affects awareness of SOCIAL consequences mostly. It actually has nothing to do with IQ at all other than the fact that people can have learning disabilities and cognitive delays in addition to autism. But no, autism itself doesn’t make a person “stupid” that’s why you get people like Elon Musk who are very successful. And there’s some talk about famous scientists like Einstein or Turing possibly being on the spectrum.
Honestly it doesn’t even sound like it’s an intelligence problem. It sounds like she’s just desperate for attention and is willing to do stupid shit to get it. That screams needing therapy.
You’re not the AH for setting reasonable boundaries. But I wouldn’t pay any attention to the autism stuff. I’d call her out for her attention whoring and how that’s hurting the people around her.
I’ve been around lots of autistic people, and the only constant I’ve noticed is that no two are exactly the same. She might actually be autistic, but she’s also clearly extra dumb as well (most wannabe influencers are) – both things can be true.
NTA, but for your families sake, I’d be making moves to remove her from being in charge of those kids lives. She’s clearly unfit, and while autism isn’t a factor in determining someone mental faculties, all those extra stupid videos she makes can be submitted as evidence. At this point, if what you say is true, you probably have all you need to get legal guardianship over her and declare her unfit without her consent or cooperation.
The fact that she says she can’t understand consequences means she does. If she didn’t she wouldn’t even know what that meant. Nta
“Diana has two children with a guy who when he realized how stupid she actually is ran far, far away.” – This part made me laugh so much.
NTA
Is she self diagnosed? Too many people have determined that they are ASD without an actual diagnosis, as a way to condone their shit behavior. It is an insult to those who are legitimately on the spectrum.
Also, people with ASD don’t run around and willfully do stupid shit or engage in criminal activity (not saying it can’t ever happen, but it is not because of their autism that they are doing it).
Your sister definitely has issues, but methinks it is not due to ASD. She needs to be evaluated/re-evaluated
NTA
Weird cause my autism causes me to overthink every scenario and think about 7 steps ahead
Btw autism is a spectrum dont fall under the whole “all pejole who have it are super smart” stereotype, there are various levels, from not verbal to hyper verbal, etc. that doesnt excuse anything though
NTA
Like everyone else, she gets the consequences of her actions. The courts will put her in a closed hospital ward if she truly isn’t capable of understanding (which is bull, since she knew enough to use it as an excuse) her actions were wrong and illegal.
I don’t think smart runs in your family.
NTA but Reddit people need to be more understanding. She sounds mentally challenged. I’m not saying she’s right to refuse accountability but people shouldn’t treat her like she’s a normal idiot. These are not the actions of a normal stupid person. There’s dumb and there’s mentally challenged. She actually should get a diagnosis as it may help her legal case. there is definitely something going on and it’s only a fair trial if the courts know if she’s mentally challenged/brain damaged
Obviously she is going to lash out and be hurt if you bring up a medical diagnosis test but it needs to be said. I don’t mean that in a petty, mean way. For her benefit and bc you love your sister she needs to have the proper resources to deal with her disability. I don’t think this is autism. “Mental retardation” is more offensive so if you bring it up she’ll flip a lid but it could be really helpful for her, the courts, her children etc to finally understand and address her dangerous behaviors
NTA, she’s using a very real thing that doesn’t cause a person to behave the way she does as a shield for intentionally shitty behavior b
Your parents unfortunately made this mess so let them deal with it and move on with your life. Find a better family.
well does she claim to have it or was she diagnosed? You seem really nasty and condescending about your sister; how many times did you call her stupid in just this one post? She clearly makes poor choices and it does sound like your parents enable her, but it’s not “blackmail” to try to guilt siblings into helping you out (even if you don’t deserve it).
YTA for what you said to her simply because you meant it to be cruel. That said, you may actually be right, and if your family could benefit for a more jn-depth diagnosis, she should be encouraged (not berated) into trying to get one.
But no matter how you slice it, you should just stay out of your sister’s life completely, because you clearly hate her and you’re overtly hostile. That kind of attitude will neither solve nor even help anything or anyone, whether your sister is mentally disabled for real or just faking as you seem to believe.
NTA but also has anyone seen proof of her being autistic? You said she claims she has it and got diagnosed as an adult but is there any proof? Like a official doctor report or is she literally just claiming she has it, I only say that because you mention out she copied trends and well at one point there were some people that claimed to have a autism but they only self diagnosed themselves and not by a doctor.
Also autism doesn’t make you stupid or commit crimes at all some very smart people are autistic ,sounds like she is milking it and trying to use it as a get out of jail card. Heck my nephew is five and has autism and he’s very smart in certain aspects even his teacher says so.
I see the influencer-autism connection. Many influencers are getting attention and money by exploiting trendy neurological conditions like autism, turettes, and dissociative disorders. Many of them are faking or exaggerating their symptoms for attention fame and money.
Autism, ADHD, introversion, anxiety, and the rest. In 2025 if you don’t have some self diagnosed issue are you even alive?
I would say you met an asshole with asshole energy, which is a fair move in these circumstances. She could have autism or some other mental or neuro developmental disorder. However as an adult she is responsible for her decisions, actions, and consequences regardless of he disability. If the disability truly makes her unable to make decisions in her best interest, I would tell your parents to file for guardianship*, since they want to manage the consequences of her choices for her anyways.
Was she actually diagnosed? Is she receiving any support or therapies? And how has she done all that without CPS involved?
NTA. You are handling this perfectly. Do not back down.
I wonder if your sister was misdiagnosed and actually has Fetal Alcohol affects ( FASD). They appear to have similar traits to ASD but are a lot more social. They do not understand consequences.
We are only getting one side of the story here and its very clear you fuckin hate your sister.
ESH because I cant tell if the sister is genuinely putting on an act or if you, and others have treater her like dog shit for decades with your built up resentment…
NTA but I think the autism is a red herring. Maybe she has it, maybe she doesn’t. It doesn’t matter. It’s not why she’s acting like this and I think it’s making your family overlook the fact that there might be something else seriously wrong with her. It’s also possible she knows there is something wrong and is clinging to autism as a possibility because she doesn’t know what else to do.
Has anyone in your family ever considered that there is something else going on here?
NTA
Based on what is written here, Diana seems to see autism as another new trend that will bring a lot of engagement, in that she has no idea how it works, and is causing a lot of harm to herself and others by embracing it in spite of her obvious ignorance.
Wow such an insult to people with autism. I know plenty of people that have mild or extreme and they don’t put themselves in harms way usually then blame their disability. Do your parents enable her behavior? Did she do things like this as a child or does she just think she will get away with it more now that she can blame it on something?? Her poor kids. Doesn’t sound like she should have them in her custody either.
NTA.
I can’t believe anyone is convinced by this fake ass shit.
Guess we’ll see what the judge thinks.
NTA- but are those kids even safe in her care????
Yeah no, NTA
My autism makes me hyper aware of patterns and overly concerned with presenting as “normal.” Admittedly, I have been told that my facial expressions border on uncanny valley territory and that I talk like chatGPT (I was told this before I ever interacted with chatGPT, which makes me wonder if AI is inherently autistic?)
The point is, I am an adult and accountable for my choices, even with autism. She’s accountable as well.
NTA that is not autism. She found that saying she has autism causes your parents and others to not enforce consequences the way they typically would. Whether she has autism or not is irrelevant. Autism does not cause someone to behave this way. Maybe a mental disorder might, but either way she is not a safe or stable person to have in your life. I understand keeping contact for the sake of the kids, but are you actually helping the kids or enabling them to stay with a bad parent who isn’t properly caring for them?
Her kids should not be in her care.
NTA…………Stupid is as Stupid Does. and she DO.
Time to step back from the line she crossed and let her deal with the consequences of her actions.
Yeah, stay away …..this person is Very Toxic and will suck anyone who cares about her into her insanity.
You can’t stop someone from going crazy, but, you don’t have to go with them.
NTA. I wouldn’t be surprised if she was self “diagnosed with autism” by taking some stupid online test. Autism is her excuse to not have any consequences for her actions. And if she was really autistic, you would’ve known it when she was growing up.
Tell her if her autism is that bad maybe she would be better off in a mental institution or something like that. She probably should give the kids to the dad too if she says she’s that bad.
Don’t play into her game. Tell her she needs to take it more seriously.
Nta autism doesn’t mean you know no consequences many people on the spectrum myself included take the time and learn social cues and whats wrong and right. The only time i would say someones autism is an excuse for destruction is when theyre on the higher end of the spectrum (for example someone whos nonverbal and needs a caretaker)
NTA like the comedian said “You can’t fix stupid”.
NTA sounds like she’s spending too much time on tiktok and is equating “quirkiness” with autism. Reminds me of people saying they’re so “ADD” for getting distracted or “OCD” for wanting things organized a certain way.
As an autistic person, I may have trouble understanding social cues or regulating my emotions, but when someone explains to me that something is inappropriate or harmful, I’m gonna listen and not just keep doing it saying I can’t help it.
NTA Autism doesn’t make you commit crimes. Hell my mind goes into overdrive about every possible way something could go badly before I do it.
She’s using autism as an excuse for her careless behavior. Until she faces actual consequences she’s going to keep doing it. Your parents have failed her by enabling her, and now it’s escalated to prison time. That’s her own fault.
I always thought autism made people very black and white thinkers.
NTA. You can’t save people from themselves. Even your sister. You CAN try to give your niece and nephews some degree of stability.
She’s probably not even autistic, if she’s an “influencer” – my guess is she watched TikTok videos on symptoms and plays those up when she needs to. Im so sick of this shit. Plus she just sounds like a self-centered asshole, with or without an autism diagnosis. GL, OP.
NTA.
Autistic here with a degree, soon to be two and I do none of this sh*t. I really hate it when people use it as an excuse for bad behaviour. Autistic people aren’t stupid, we just have a different way of thinking about things.
She sounds delusional.
EHS You are enabling her and allowing the active endangerment of children which also makes you culpable with their actions. Not reporting the endangerment and unstable mental condition and instead choosing to yell at someone in an unproductive manner is sucky yes, your sister’s also an asshole and using a disability as an excuse To be abusive absent and impulsive, especially in ways that do not actually coincide with ASD
>her autism makes it hard for her to understand consequences like we do, she’s not smart like us
Well, she could be both autistic and stupid.
However, autistic doesn’t mean an inability to understand consequences. I teach autistic kids, and “inability to understand consequences” isn’t part of being autistic. Not picking up on social cues, sure. Obsessive interests, definitely. Not understanding consequences? Learned behaviour from parents who’ve decided giving in is easier than dealing with meltdowns and sulks. (Not a problem limited to ASD parents, by any means!)
When I hear adults who’ve self-diagnosed with ASD I always think of this SMBC comic:
http://www.smbc-comics.com/index.php?db=comics&id=2832#comic
I do have a friend who self-diagnosed (likely accurately), but in his case it’s an explanation he uses to guide his own behaviour — he knows he’s bad at social cues and gets obsessive, so those are things he’s careful to regulate around strangers. And his friend group knows that he would rather be told something directly rather than having to decode hints (that he’ll likely miss).
NTA