You guys were right, this was a shit show. I’m not sure where to start but we are getting a divorce.He infact did not change and became way more possessive and controlling while changing the rules. Everything I did was either wrong or inconsiderate.
Evan had planned a weekend trip to Cabo to celebrate a new business venture. I asked my husband if he was okay with it weeks in advance. He enthusiastically agreed mentioning I deserved the trip he even told me to make sure I “flood his phone” with pics. I told him I was going to stay with Evan the night before for easier commute, he insisted on taking me to the airport instead. Since it was our last night until Tuesday. However, when it was time to leave he overslept!
Despite urging him to get up to the point that I pulled the covers off and turned off the air he spent an entire HOUR in the bathroom. Then to make matters worse he didn’t fill the tank!! I told him the evening before. I called an uber which was another hour late but luckily I got to enjoy my trip. I let it slide and moved on. Boy oh boy I wish I never went on that trip because things got worse. It’s like I was being punished for the trip.
He became incredibly invasive in my personal relationships. He wanted to know what my sex life with Evan was like. If he was better etc. he used to play it off like it was not a big deal to him then I caught him snooping through my phone. It was too much. I didn’t understand because Evan was no longer the only man I was seeing but Evan triggered him the most.
If that wasn’t enough he had his friends over for boys night, I was getting ready for girls night. Before I left he said out loud “ You’re really gonna leave me to go fuck him” in front of his friends! The embarrassment and humiliation I felt, even typing this. I just sat in my car and cried so much and that’s when I knew it was done. He apologized mentioned he was drunk. I don’t buy it one bit. He has never acted like this.
This open relationship has left me drained mentally and emotionally and it wasn’t even my idea to begin with. I have filed for divorce but he keeps begging for reconciliation but I can’t.
Before anyone comments I know you told me so. Sigh.
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Original copy of post’s text by /u/Princessprotect:
You guys were right, this was a shit show. I’m not sure where to start but we are getting a divorce.He infact did not change and became way more possessive and controlling while changing the rules. Everything I did was either wrong or inconsiderate.
Evan had planned a weekend trip to Cabo to celebrate a new business venture. I asked my husband if he was okay with it weeks in advance. He enthusiastically agreed mentioning I deserved the trip He even told me to make sure I “flood his phone” with pics. I told him I was going to stay with Evan the night before for easier commute, he insisted on taking me to the airport instead. Since it was our last night until Tuesday. However, when it was time to leave he overslept!
Despite urging him to get up to the point that I pulled the covers off and turned off the air he spent an entire HOUR in the bathroom. Then to make matters worse he didn’t fill the tank!! I told him the evening before. I called an uber which was another hour late but luckily I got to enjoy my trip. I let it slide and moved on. Boy oh boy I wish I never went on that trip because things got worse. It’s like I was being punished for the trip.
He became incredibly invasive in my personal relationships. He wanted to know what my sex life with Evan was like. If he was better etc. he used to play it off like it was not a big deal to him then I caught him snooping through my phone. It was too much. I didn’t understand because Evan was no longer the only man I was seeing but Evan triggered him the most.
If that wasn’t enough he had his friends over for boys night, I was getting ready for girls night. Before I left he said out loud “ You’re really gonna leave me to go fuck him” in front of his friends! The embarrassment and humiliation I felt, even typing this. I just sat in my car and cried so much and that’s when I knew it was done. He apologized mentioned he was drunk. I don’t buy it one bit. He has never acted like this.
This open relationship has left me drained mentally and emotionally and it wasn’t even my idea to begin with. I have filed for divorce but he keeps begging for reconciliation but I can’t.
Before anyone comments I know you told me so. Sigh.
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NTA. Wow, it sounds like his behavior spiraled out of control, what triggered this drastic change in him?
You reap what you sow . It’s amazing how many people think their open marriage will
Be the successful one
Don’t bother with his rules anymore. Throw his rule book in his face along with the divorce papers. Then live your best life with your own rules.
he didn’t want an open marriage, he wanted your permission to sleep with others while you were not allowed the same.
NTA then or now
Enjoy yourself
NTA happy you are leaving him you deserve better.
He wanted an “open” marriage in which you stayed home and waited for him and he dated and had sex outside the marriage. Instead, you got more attention from a man who makes more money and sounds like a nice person. This was not part of “the plan.” You were supposed to sit home and pine and be miserable. A divorce sounds like a good idea.
Just another failed open relationship.
Reddit is littered with the dead relationship bodies caused by coerced open relationships. Unfortunately, your relationship has become another casualty. You indicated in your first post that you weren’t really happy opening the marriage but went along with it. Your STBXH didn’t really want an open marriage. He wanted your permission to cheat. He quickly found out that finding partners as a male is way more difficult than it is for women. It’s interesting that he he didn’t demand you close the marriage. My guess is that he thought he could shame, disrupt, and control you into stopping while maintaining his ability to sleep with other partners. Good luck moving forward. You deserve better.
Wow. Ya, run from this boy.
This is why open marriages are the worst idea… why get married if you want to sleep with others
I’m on your side of this one. If I was wearing your husband’s shoes I would make passionate love to you the night before, get you to the airport on time and, give you a flower or other small gift so you would think of me while your friend was having sex w you. When you came home I would repeat the process in reverse. Not an idle threat, I have been there, done that and my wife did think about me before, during and, after.
It’s shocking to me that opening your marriage led to a divorce. I would never have believed it could happen. Good luck in the future.
OP, once you recover from exhaustion, you’re going to be SO happy!
Some men and women are just unneeded extra weight.
Another open marriage blows up. What a surprise.
Just divorce him. He wanted to fk around & now he’s finding out. But you were supposed to tolerate it & not do it yourself.
Hes abusing you.
He wanted permission to do something he was more than likely already doing behind your back. Sleeping with others. He just got tired of having to make up lies so he convinced you to open the marriage so he didn’t have to waste his energy.
He also thought no one would want you or that you loved him too much to pursue anything.
Now what he is doing is mental abuse. My ex used to do the same.
The wear you down with something they don’t like, going out with friends, the amount of time you spend with family, in your case your new relationships.
He is planning to wear you down so much you can’t take the pain,t he arguing, or the hassle of maintaining the open relationship, so you stop going out with other guys so you don’t get hounded, while he will still go out and fuck others and finally be happy.
Stop wasting your life and dump the lsoer husband, stick to divorce and if you have to leave the house
NTA. Good for you ending this toxic relationship.
Block him and let all communication go through your divorce lawyer. You don’t have to put up with his begging and utter BS.
Enjoy building your new life without him! Protect your peace.
Updateme
They say “love is blind” for a reason. Now you’re on track and moving towards a better life. Congratulations!!! In the future, I would keep my relationships closed if I were you.
He didn’t realize someone might treat you like more than a new vagina to put his peen in like he’s treating his ladies.