I (18F) have a sister (19F) and a stepsister (18F). I’ve never really gotten along with my stepfamily but that’s not super important.
I had just graduated high school and as a reward for graduating and getting into my chosen program my dad had booked a fishing charter for me and him (and a family friend) to go and fish for a day, hopefully catch something and then have a nice fish dinner. I was super excited for this and spent ages researching everything from thermoclines in the lake to the lures.
Then one night we went out for dinner (me, sisters, dad and stepmom) and my sisters announced how excited they were to go on the fishing trip…now this wouldn’t have been a problem if that was the original plan, I’ve gone fishing with them before and it was fun but I rarely get to spend one on one time with my dad so this was supposed to be special, on top of that my (bio) sister had already had her graduation present the year before – a month long European vacation, no I’m not joking. I wasn’t allowed to go on that of course because it was my sister’s present and I’d get one next year.
After I tried to explain that no- this was my present and it was my time to have a solo trip my dad just said that they were coming end of story. I got upset and yelled at them in the restaurant that it wasn’t fair, that she had her fancy vacation that cost tens of thousands of dollars and I just wanted one day, one 200$ fishing trip and then ran off to go sulk and whatnot, only to return about fifteen minutes later just to be screamed at for being ‘ungrateful’ and ‘cruel’ then being told I was no longer going on the fishing trip. The next day my sisters and stepmom went on the trip and while my dad did end up taking me on a smaller one it still felt bad and ill be honest I was a little bitchy for the duration of it but I did try to have fun and I did catch a nice coho.
Today a few months later my dad suggested my sister go on another short European vacation, helping our step-sister move and staying a bit longer because of course she wouldn’t just stay in Italy for two days, then he mentioned having another fishing trip for the two of us and I jokingly (like honestly a joke not passive aggressive joking) said “shouldn’t we wait until [sister and stepsisters names] get back?” To which I was promptly called ungrateful and rude again
I just wanted to know, am I the asshole?
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I (18F) have a sister (19F) and a stepsister (18F). I’ve never really gotten along with my stepfamily but that’s not super important.
I had just graduated high school and as a reward for graduating and getting into my chosen program my dad had booked a fishing charter for me and him (and a family friend) to go and fish for a day, hopefully catch something and then have a nice fish dinner. I was super excited for this and spent ages researching everything from thermoclines in the lake to the lures.
Then one night we went out for dinner (me, sisters, dad and stepmom) and my sisters announced how excited they were to go on the fishing trip…now this wouldn’t have been a problem if that was the original plan, I’ve gone fishing with them before and it was fun but I rarely get to spend one on one time with my dad so this was supposed to be special, on top of that my (bio) sister had already had her graduation present the year before – a month long European vacation, no I’m not joking. I wasn’t allowed to go on that of course because it was my sister’s present and I’d get one next year.
After I tried to explain that no- this was my present and it was my time to have a solo trip my dad just said that they were coming end of story. I got upset and yelled at them in the restaurant that it wasn’t fair, that she had her fancy vacation that cost tens of thousands of dollars and I just wanted one day, one 200$ fishing trip and then ran off to go sulk and whatnot, only to return about fifteen minutes later just to be screamed at for being ‘ungrateful’ and ‘cruel’ then being told I was no longer going on the fishing trip. The next day my sisters and stepmom went on the trip and while my dad did end up taking me on a smaller one it still felt bad and ill be honest I was a little bitchy for the duration of it but I did try to have fun and I did catch a nice coho.
Today a few months later my dad suggested my sister go on another short European vacation, helping our step-sister move and staying a bit longer because of course she wouldn’t just stay in Italy for two days, then he mentioned having another fishing trip for the two of us and I jokingly (like honestly a joke not passive aggressive joking) said “shouldn’t we wait until [sister and stepsisters names] get back?” To which I was promptly called ungrateful and rude again
I just wanted to know, am I the asshole?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1: I yelled at my sister and step sister
2: they probably just wanted to come on the fishing trip and it probably wasn’t fair to make them feel bad for my own personal issues
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your father give you a graduation gift and then took it back (by changing it to something less special). And then punished you for being upset about it. Meanwhile he treats your sister better. You’re totally within your rights to point all this out. He knows he’s in the wrong and he doesn’t want to admit it, so he tries to blame you for being upset about it.
NTA. I don’t even blame your sisters. Your dad should have listened to your feedback that you wanted some one-on-on time.
That being said, of course yelling at them in public doesn’t make you look like the good guy here.
NTA. Your father is showing clear favoritism, and your sisters sound extremely entitled. Your father calling you “ungrateful” is just deflection on his part because he doesn’t want to admit he’s treating you differently than your sisters.
Taking you at your word that this is how it played out, your dad is a major asshole. What’s with the favortism? Has it always been this way? I am so sorry you had to experience this. Not fair in the least. . .
NTA, but you need a sit down conversation with your dad about why this happened.
INFO: Who is calling you these things,? You’re being a little vague. Is it coming from your dad, SM, sister, SS?
Even if your comment to your dad was passive aggressive, so what? He earned that with the total disparity in the way that he treated you vs your bio sister. It’s not selfish or ungrateful for you to want your graduation gift to be just for you and not the whole family. It would be totally different if the whole family went to Europe last year when your sister graduated, but that isn’t the case. Not to mention that the financial commitment to these 2 different gifts is monumentally staggering. I have 2 kids and I have ALWAYS made it a point to spend relatively equal amounts on both. I would never send one on a European vacation and offer a one day fishing trip for the other. Who tf actually does that?
So no, NTA. Your dad has some things he needs to work out.
ESH. I agree that this isn’t fair:
>my (bio) sister had already had her graduation present the year before – a month long European vacation…. I wasn’t allowed to go on that of course because it was my sister’s present and I’d get one next year.
…
my dad just said that they were coming end of story
But, come on. You’re 18! Why are you doing this?
> I got upset and yelled at them in the restaurant that it wasn’t fair
There’s no need to act like a toddler. All you accomplished was to make things really awkward. Sometimes life just isn’t fair. You’re old enough now to know better than to make a bad situation worse. There are better ways to express your disappointment than to make a scene in the middle of a restaurant.
It sounds like your sister gets along well with your stepfamily, and she’s being rewarded for it to the tune of multiple European vacations. (Out of curiosity, did your stepmom and/or stepsister go along on her graduation trip?)
On the other hand, you don’t get along with them well, so you’re being punished, with the justification of “well if she just got along with everyone she could do fun things too, but she’s a jerk.” Never mind that it takes two to tango, and I’m sure there are reasons you struggle to play nice with them.
NTA, but if this is a pattern, and you’re not dependent on your father for housing, you might be happier elsewhere.
NTA. It sounds like your life would be much better if you cut your dad and his new family out of your life.