My partner and I have been going through some very tough times in the last year or so, he’s been working a lot. And as well as working myself, I’ve also been managing everything else in our lives; cooking, cleaning and feeding/taking care of the pets. he hasn’t been helping much, if at all.
We both work from home but have very different times in which we work, I work between 8-4 and he works basically all hours of the day and no that’s not an exaggeration.
Anyway, I love affection and physical touch and intimacy, which he says he doesn’t like and doesn’t have time for when he’s working, he thinks “I’m too soft” and that “I ask too much of him when he’s under so much stress”. it’s gotten to the point now that don’t approach him for any affection or intimacy at all in fear of that I’ll get rejected by him. it doesn’t matter if we’re at home or in public. we’ve been together for 7 years and he doesn’t think “the spark” in a relationship is real and should be kept alive which is something I very much believe in.
I’ve brought this up with him before but he just says that “I do give you affection “ and “you’re too soft” and “you need more problems in your life so you can focus on other things instead of me”. it’s made me feel really sad and kind of lonely. i love him so much but it’s left me in a position where I feel lost. am I going nuts?
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Girl you need to leave
He’s not going to change. He thinks you’re too soft because you want the most basic part of a romantic relationship and that’s physical affection
You’re not his GF you’re a maid and he gets mad when he has to take his attention off his work and give you more then 5 seconds of his time
It sounds like he either doesn’t care to fulfill your need or he simply doesn’t want to. It’s time to ask yourself do you want to live the rest of your life like this? Basically a sex maid minus the sex and attraction. You deserve to have your needs met in a relationship, if he is not the one who can do that maybe it’s time to find someone else
This is not sustainable. You will resent him please go to couples therapy
He has stated he does not like physical touch? Then you’re heavily mismatched. It’s not something either one of you can change.
I was married to someone like this for 7 years. The sex all but disappeared around year 2 or 3, like 1-2x a year. Last time we had sex was 1 year before I divorced him. I had begged and begged for sex while we were on vacation over my birthday. He finally relented, it lasted all of 2 minutes, and after he finished, he immediately left the room to wash his hands/brush his teeth thoroughly.
I lied in the bed and promised myself I would never ask him for sex ever again. Getting divorced was the best thing I ever did; I can’t believe it took me as long as it did.
Get out now. You deserve to be with someone who respects and likes you.
Good luck ❤️
This is your life unless he prioritizes his time to include more of you and less of “not you”. My wife had one foot out the door until I made her more of a priority in my life. You should give your partner a choice and stick to it.
I get that sometimes having a work / life balance can be hard. But it seems as if he is working to avoid the life part.
Unless he owns the company and is trying to build it up, he is giving all of himself to his employer for no real reason.
Is he salaried or paid hourly? If he’s salaried, his contract will list his expected work hours, not specifically a start and finish time but the number of hours he is paid for. If it’s 40 and he’s doing 80, he is giving them free labour to avoid having a life.
I can’t see this changing.
If he had to describe you, what would he say?
If he had to explain what he gets out of the relationship, what would he say?
The answer to this will show if it’s worth doing couples counselling. He might be checked out. Or you and he might just be massively miscommunicating and a bit dysfunctional in a way that can be fixed.
Your feelings about sex are valid. Something has to change.
You are not nuts. He just doesn’t care about your feelings. This relationship sounds very out of balance, and like it’s not meeting your needs.
No youre not mad. It’s hard to be under stress and working all the time. But you deserve time and affection and he should love you enough to give you that.
He seems to be gaslighting you. You’re not too soft he just doesn’t want to deal with this issue. And you being gaslit and rejected constantly may lower your self esteem, which makes it easier to treat you as an afterthought or a burden. When in reality you are meeting all his needs while yours go unmet.
You aren’t compatible. He doesn’t care about making you happy. He doesn’t sound like he likes you much at all.
Just cut your losses and move on.
You’re so young. You have plenty of time to find a man who will cherish you and you’ll wonder how you let so many unhappy years slip by with this current fool.