Okay so I (30f) have been seeing my bf (34m) for about 2 years now. He’s kind and considerate and we so in sync when it comes to values and lifestyle and hobbies. But we have sort of opposite habits when it comes to alcohol.
I drink maybe 3-4 times a month typically. When I do drink it’s usually quite a bit. Not disgustingly blackout drunk but well and truly drunk. When I drink 90% of the time it’s because I’m going to a concert or the occasional girls night in (which I usually wouldn’t drink as much at as I would for a concert). My point here is that though I don’t drink often when I do it’s not like I’m just having a couple drinks to get tipsy. I usually get drunk. So I don’t know if I’m really in a position to judge the drinking habits of others.
My bf on the other hand is a much more frequent drink. It’s not uncommon for him to drink several times a week. In these cases, he usually drinks to the point where he couldn’t (and doesn’t) drive. But also not to the point where people who don’t know him would really be able to tell he’s been drinking. So somewhere between tipsy and drunk.
But he also has times where he drinks more heavily. And while this is usually on special occasions (like me at concerts) they’re not always. For example, about a year ago he went with me and my family on a beach vacation (we live about two hours from the beach so it was a lowkey thing). I come from a family of mostly “wine with dinner” type of drinkers. My mom and dad will typically have a glass or two of wine or beer with dinner and nothing more. They might get crazy on a really special occasion like Christmas or new years and have three or ~gasp~ four drinks. My sister is really into crafting cocktails so she’ll usually make something that’s more sugar than alcohol to sip on. Anyway, on the last night of the trip, my family had had their typical drink or two and called it quits. I’d had nothing to drink. My bf on the other hand kept making another drink. And then another drink. And then another drink. I could tell just by his eyes he was drunk. I don’t know if anybody else really picked up on how drunk he was as I decided to just go to bed and he followed. It bothered me because that just wasn’t the vibe of the trip or the crowd. He doesn’t do anything inappropriate when he drinks – he’s not angry or rude or destructive. He’s just hard to talk to.
Like when I met his friends for the first time it was a similar situation. A few friends of his got together to watch movies. We’d all had a few drinks everyone caught a light buzz. But he got very drunk. And he kept just touching me. Not like groping or anything just touching my face and arm and leaning over me and everything and it was more annoying than anything else but I was uncomfortable because it was my first time meeting these people. And I was trying to subtly tell him to chill but he just kept smiling and laughing and touching me. And then after everyone left I tried to ask him what was up but he just looked at me laughed, said something about wanting to visit California and then fell asleep on the couch.
He also frequently drinks alone. This concerns me a little. I’ve never been one to get off work and unwind with a glass of wine or whatever but I get this is pretty normal. When he drinks alone it’s not usually to the point of being very drunk but enough to not be able to drive. But it’s still frequent and sometimes starts early-ish in the day (like maybe 2/3pm) if he’s off work.
And the thing that concerns me the most is that he’ll frequently say he’s going to make a serious effort to drink less. And when he says this it’s not really like when you eat a huge meal and say “oh I’m never eating again blah blah blah”. It seems like soemthing he’s given a lot of thought to. And then he just doesn’t. Like he might goa few days without drinking but he does this sometimes anyway and then will attend a happy hour at work or kick back the next Friday with a few beers. It bothers me that he says he’s going to do something and then makes almost no effort to do it.
Sorry I know this is long so tl;dr – I don’t think he’s an alcoholic or anything although he will sometimes mentioning drinking when he’s stressed. The frequency and habits of his drinking concerns me a little but he’s not rude or angry when he drinks so it’s not necessarily the state of being drunk that I’m concerned about. And idk if I’m really in a place to judge because though I don’t drink frequently when I do drink it’s usually somewhat heavy.
Thoughts? Should I say soemthing? How should I go about addressing some of my feelings?