Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4 years and lived together for over half of that. For the past few months he has increasingly become less affectionate, has stopped planning things, stopped contacting me first, stopped including me in plans, and has full on stopped initiating sex with me. Everytime I bring up our future together or try to talk about our future wedding he has complete disinterest. Things came to a head when we finally ended up in an argument over this today and he straight up said that he’s apathetic towards our relationship. He gave me the option to leave but I don’t want to break up, I want to fix things between us.
This problem started a couple months ago after I found out that he had cheated on me with a mutual friend a couple years ago during a rough patch. I chose to try to fix things between us and move on with our relationship. He proposed soon after. With how he’s been acting recently, I now am starting to feel like this proposal was more of an apology or rather him moving through the motions that he feels like he should rather than a step forward in our relationship.
TLDR: fiancé said he’s apathetic towards our relationship after almost 4 years together, this problem started after I discovered that he cheated on me years ago.
Is it possible to fix things between us? Or should I just do what he wants and break up?
Comments
Come on girl. He cheated on you, told you he doesn’t care about being with you, and practically opened the door for you to leave. You’re so young. Go find yourself someone that will treat you with basic love and respect.
He is not interested in fixing things, OP. You simply cannot fix it yourself, that’s not how it works. He wants to end things, he’s just too spineless to do it himself. Or I guess you can stay and he’ll eventually cheat on you again, if he hasn’t already done so.
Don’t waste more time on this guy.
He wants to break up with you, but he would very much like for you to be the “bad guy” so that he doesn’t look like the asshole who proposed, just to then drop his partner. So he will simply treat you more and more coldly until you pull the plug.
And you know what? Given how he
a) Cheated on you, and then…
b) …didn’t confess and instead decided to disrespect you every single day anew for years, taking the choice from you if you want to stay with a cheater or leave…
…I am not surprised. You showed him that he can treat you like crap and you will still stay with him. So he is now ramping up the disrespect he clearly had for you for years to 1000000% to get you to leave.
You cannot win this because he has already decided that you can’t. If he wanted to keep the relationship, he would make an effort. But he doesn’t – no effort, no interest in keeping the relationship. And if one person doesn’t want to be in the relationship, then it’s over.