My girlfriend (23F) and I (25M) have been together for 5 years. She has a close friend (also 23F) that I’ve always had concerns about. This friend often makes impulsive and self-destructive choices—she parties frequently, uses substances to cope, and has a history of unhealthy behavior. For example, while she was engaged, she cheated on her fiancé with a random person in a bar parking lot during a fight. She’s also a single mom who struggles financially, yet still chooses to go out drinking and partying. I recently found out she’s borrowed money from my girlfriend multiple times, and my girlfriend even pays her phone bill.
I’ve tried to make it clear that I think my girlfriend is being taken advantage of. I understand wanting to be there for a friend, but there comes a point where it’s no longer helping—it’s enabling. To make matters worse, her friend often surrounds herself with people who also seem irresponsible and unstable.
A recent situation really crossed a line for me: my girlfriend had told this friend she didn’t want to go to a fireworks event, but the friend called her anyway and started guilt-tripping her, saying things like “Don’t you love me anymore?” and “When did we break up?” Eventually, my girlfriend gave in and went—even though she had told me she wasn’t going to. Her friend even joked, “Your boyfriend better not say anything,” as if I don’t get a say in what affects our relationship. It felt incredibly dismissive.
This isn’t a one-time thing—it happens pretty regularly. My girlfriend will tell me she plans to be home at a certain time, but then that time comes and goes with no update. When I check in, she either doesn’t respond or gives a vague excuse like, “Well, my friend wanted to do something else.” It feels like her plans with this friend always take priority, and I’m left waiting around or feeling like an afterthought. It’s not just inconsiderate—it makes me feel like my time and feelings don’t matter.
What makes it harder is that if I express how I feel about her going out with this friend, and she ends up not going, she gets upset with me. She’ll become withdrawn, depressed, or even mad at me—as if I’m the one keeping her from having a good time. I’m not trying to control her; I just want to feel like my concerns are being heard and considered. But instead, it feels like I’m being punished for speaking up.
She also has a hard time setting boundaries in general—especially with her family—but with this friend, it seems like there are no limits at all. I’ve told her that while she’s entitled to make her own decisions, those choices don’t just affect her. They affect me, too. This relationship is supposed to be a partnership, but more and more, I feel like my opinions and feelings are pushed aside.
It’s starting to wear me down emotionally. The tension has even started to affect our intimacy and connection. I don’t feel respected, and I’m starting to question where I stand in this relationship.
So now I’m stuck. Do I stay and keep pushing for change? Do I walk away? Or do I just learn to accept this and turn a blind eye? I’m honestly lost, and I’d really appreciate any advice.
TL;DR:
I (25M) have been with my girlfriend (23F) for 5 years. Her best friend (23F) constantly makes reckless decisions and relies on my girlfriend financially and emotionally. I’ve voiced concerns, but my girlfriend continues to prioritize the friendship—even when it disrespects me or our plans. When I bring it up, she gets upset or withdrawn, and I feel like I’m being punished for expressing myself. It’s starting to hurt our relationship, emotionally and physically. I don’t feel respected. Do I stay and deal with it, or walk away?