Can you truely love and have a partner without empathy?
Okay to preface: I have sympathy. I can understand peoples emotional turmoil. I just . . . can’t share it. I feel guilty all the time. Each time I say “I feel so bad/happy for you” I feel like the worlds biggest phony. I feel like a complete liar. I think I care, I just can’t feel it. I can feel emotions related to my own situations but not other peoples. I don’t want people to be sad or angry or scared but I’m not angry or sad or scared when they are. I told my girlfriend today. I told her how I don’t feel sad when she’s upset. I told her I care. I told her I think “how do I console her?” “how do I make her happy?” but I don’t feel sad for her. I am always wondering how genuine my own feelings are. The gnawing wonder if I can really love when I can’t share emotions. My whole life as a child my understanding of love was that being around that person made you happy. I thought relationships just needed two people happy together, never thinking about being happy for eachother. Since I learned what empathy was in middle school I wonder if love is sharing emotions for each other. Am I not built to date? I thought finding anything relatable or emotion inducing was enough. How do I know if I’m just selfish? Can I truly give my girlfriend all the love she deserves? Is it selfish to stay with her? Does anyone have advice on how to keep her happy? TLDR is it justified to be in a relationship if you can’t feel empathy? Is it unfair to your partner? Do you have advice?
Comments
Sounds like you need to find a psychologist. You might have a antisocial personality disorder. Or more mildly “just” being a narcissist.
Have you considered seeing a professional and getting assessed and see if there’s anything you might be able to do on your end? It would at least help you and your girlfriend understand how your mind works and go from there.
Do you feel happy for her when good situations arise in her life? Or other peoples?