How do I break up with my bf

r/

First time posting on here so sorry if I don’t format this out correctly or something. To just head straight to the point I want to break up with my boyfriend. I have been dating him for 2 years, almost 3 in September. Ever since the beginning of this year though I haven’t been coping well with my mental health and depression which has also led to me hating my relationship. He has done some horrible stuff to me these last two weeks, for example he put his hands on me. He put his hands around my neck and squeezed on it for like 6 seconds, the whole time I was crying. He said he was sorry and that “I caught him off guard” which I find hard to believe. I told my friends about this and now they are saying they won’t talk to me until I break up with him. They have known for a while I didn’t want to be with him but I always avoided the “when are you going to break up with him” question but now they are demanding I have to break up with him. But I’m scared. I don’t really talk to them that much anyway, he is the only person I talk to. If I loose him I genuinely won’t have anyone. Even my best friend who I found a boyfriend for recently, I don’t really have her now either so it just feels like I’m stuck. I love him to bits but I hate when he down grades me, insults all my goals and achievements so on. Besides this he’s really nice, like he helps around my house and buys me food when I can’t afford it so I know he loves me, I just don’t want to hurt him. Idk what to do. Any advice would be helpful

Comments

  1. absolutemenacex Avatar

    Hi sorry I forgot to mention this is my first ever relationship and I’m 17 and he’s 16, turning 17 this year

  2. Exotic_Extension3870 Avatar

    Personally, I say break up with him. Also, your friends suck. If they were your friends and saw that you loved this guy in and we’re struggling to leave him they wouldn’t just abandon you until you break up with him. It’s not that simple. Also, your boyfriend just seems abusive and as soon as possible. You should leave him. I completely understand that it’s not easy but if you would attempt to hurt you, who knows what else he’s willing to do…. So personally, I would come to him very seriously. I would explain how I was feeling even if it was hard. Say that your mental health isn’t well and you need to focus on that. And if he truly loves you, he will give you time to heal. Also tell him that him trying to hurt you physically made you uncomfortable and also indirectly mention that that is 1000% abuse and he could go to jail for it. It is a crime whether you are in a relationship or not. Fairly long-term relationship relationships are hard to get out of. Especially when there is love involved. But if he would try to hurt you does he love you? He might just buy you food and help you around the house to compensate. I’m not trying to spread rumors or bash anyone I just want you to see reality of it. I’m not saying you don’t of course. Also about the friends, I wouldn’t let them know that I broke up with him. It’s clear but they aren’t your real friends because a real friends would be there because you’re struggling. Not only are you struggling about this decision about your boyfriend, but you’re also struggling with your mental health. Depression is very real and very hard to deal with. So your potential ex-boyfriend and you’re so-called friends should completely understand what you’re dealing with. So I would say leave them all.

  3. Mobile_Wave_ATL Avatar

    Downgrading you is not love. Cut the cord! You will be happier in the long term.

  4. Echo-Azure Avatar

    Please, OP, he choked you in anger!

    Let all of Reddit join your friends, in asking you to leave. Can you go home to your parents? Can you stay with a friend for a while? Can you get a hotel room? Because if he’s reached the point of extremely dangerous physical abuse, don’t confront him, just run. Your life may literally depend on getting away from him.

  5. FlaredEar69 Avatar

    You’re young so it’s reasonable to feel scared. Tell your parents I would be cautious about the grabbing your neck part. Yes it might been assault but if you tell your parents/legal guardian they might involve law enforcement or deal with this issue themselves which might Lead them to legal trouble. Tell your parents you want to break up with him and you’re scared because it’s one of your longest first relationships. At the end of the day if he wants to do something he putting his life and family’s life at risk trust me

  6. BigLexx318 Avatar

    Better to NOT have a boyfriend than one who puts their hands on you. Baby you are 17, still young. You still haven’t met the person who is going to love you how you deserve to be loved. It isn’t him. Love shouldn’t hurt you in anyway. It’s only going to get more physical if you don’t leave now. Just because he buys you food doesn’t mean he loves you. Love is more than buying food and what he’s doing, insulting you and such definitely isn’t love.

  7. old_motters Avatar

    I’d break up with him by text or by email.

    What’s he’s done? He’s not entitled to the courtesy of a face to face break up.

    What you experienced is abuse and violence. He’s forfeit anything a decent human being deserves from this relationship.

  8. Anqll Avatar

    I think in this case scenario you would be better off alone than in an abuse relationship, it is not worth it at your age, being alone is such a common fear, but its really healing once u are alone. You can meet so many new people and overall your friends are right. Straight up tell him you wanna end things or simply in your case scenario I’d do so over text cause he seems like he would put his hands around you if you were to break up with him in real life, I’d run far away if I was you girl

  9. Hungry_Disaster8024 Avatar

    You’re trauma bonded. That’s when someone who hurts you also becomes the only person who comforts you — it creates a toxic emotional loop where love and pain are deeply intertwined.
    • You’re isolated. He’s your only emotional connection right now, so losing him feels like losing your whole support system.
    • He’s not always cruel. He buys you food, helps you around the house, probably says he loves you — and that makes it harder to accept the abuse. But kind moments don’t cancel out abusive ones. They just make them harder to leave.

  10. Hungry_Disaster8024 Avatar

    You don’t need a perfect plan — just a first step.

    1. Reach back out to your friends. Text one.
      Say:
      “I’m scared, but I know I need to leave him. I just don’t know how. Can you help me?”

    You don’t have to do this alone.
    2. Make a safety plan.
    If he’s put his hands on you once, there’s a chance he’ll do it again — especially if he feels rejected. So plan your exit when he’s not around:
    • Can you break up over text or phone if in-person feels unsafe?
    • Can you go stay with a friend or family member for a few nights after?
    • Have a bag ready with essentials (ID, charger, clothes, any important meds or papers).
    3. Block his number and socials after the breakup.
    No more explanations. No more guilt. He chose violence. You don’t owe him closure.
    4. Call a hotline if you’re scared.
    If you’re in the U.S., the National Domestic Violence Hotline is 24/7:
    📞 800-799-7233 or chat at thehotline.org

  11. Hungry_Disaster8024 Avatar

    Watch TV episode “ maid” in Netflix

  12. absolutemenacex Avatar

    Thank you guys so much. I really thought I was going insane but having good advice from you guys really does help. I thought what he did to me didn’t count as abuse as he had never done it before and I just thought I was victimising myself. After reading your replies I understand now that what he did was abusive. Thank you all so much again

  13. shegrowsonyou Avatar

    When someone lays hands on you, specifically choking, that is a MAJOR indicator and warning sign of abuse ramping up to the point of your death. Get the fuck out. Abusers aren’t abusive all the time. The “nice” things he does for you do not mean he loves you. Look up the cycle of abuse, educate yourself on abuse in general, and work on learning why you tolerate this behavior.

  14. jamesnow06 Avatar

    Your friends are right to demand that you break up with your bf. Just simply send him a text and say you’re ending the relationship. If you’re afraid of him then avoid him and cut him off. You should not stay with someone who assaults you and degrades you!

  15. grimpleblik Avatar

    So, your choice is between a gaslighting narcissist who’s prone to bouts of violence, flaky friends, or being on your own.
    I would pick the third choice, reinvent yourself with greater self confidence, and find yourself new friends.

  16. Displined Avatar

    U really will be happy. Say whatever is ur mind. U really deserve better. All the best for future.

  17. tcrhs Avatar

    NEVER let anyone abuse you. NEVER let anyone put their hands on you or insult, demean and degrade you. That is exactly what he is doing to you. You are in a highly abusive relationship and you’re not safe.

    Listen to your friends. They’re telling you the truth. Believe them. It’s time to leave.

    Ask an adult you trust for help. Get help from adults who will know what to do.

    Do whatever it takes to leave.

  18. Fantastic_Tip8155 Avatar

    He choked you for 6 seconds!? No no cut him off and Avoid him. He belittles you? That’s sounds like a person with an ego. That guy isn’t a good person you should not be around him . Just keep away from this dude he’s not someone you can “love”.

  19. Creative-Ad-1363 Avatar

    Don’t break up in person, he may assault you. Send a text saying it’s not working out, then block him everywhere. As for friends, explore new hobbies, take a dance class, volunteer at an animal shelter or soup kitchen. The more you help others, the less you’ll obsess about yourself.

  20. Frosty-Shirt8146 Avatar

    First off, your friends suck. They abandoned you when you need support the most!
    2nd, if you don’t break up with him like yesterday, it will turn worse physically! Even in anger, NOONE should ever put their hands on you. DV survivor here👈 move in the shadows silently & be CAREFUL💛💛

  21. ChrisBroesky Avatar

    I dunno why this is such a common thing. You women are attracted to the macho men a-holes. Find a nice guy.

  22. CarelessAd6681 Avatar

    He does not love you. If he did he will not physically and verbally abuse you. I can understand ehy your friends have distanced themselves from you maybe they get tired of telling you to break up with him and you said so yourself but didnt do anything.

    You are in danger actually. That physical abuse will escalate.

    Reach out to your friends again and plan your break up and they have to know just in case he will get physical with you.

    Girl get out of that relationship and be safe pls.