TL;DR:
I’m 22M, my brother is 25M. We were homeschooled and very close growing up. Now that I’m building my own life, he keeps copying what I do — friends, interests, even job opportunities — and I feel like I can’t be myself around him. I want to distance myself without hurting him. How do I set healthy boundaries?
My brother (25M) and I (22M) were homeschooled and have basically spent our whole lives together. We’ve always had a complicated relationship — sometimes we’re close, but other times there’s this strange, unspoken competition between us. We’re both male and very familiar with each other’s habits and lives because of how we grew up.
When I was 18, we moved to a new city. I started building my own life — I made friends, got a girlfriend, and began working on things I’m genuinely passionate about. My brother, on the other hand, has always seemed kind of stuck. He often looks sad or withdrawn, and I’ve done what I can to support him emotionally.
But recently, things have gotten uncomfortable. I came back from visiting my girlfriend, and suddenly he’s talking to the same people I talk to, copying my interests and behavior, and even tried to take a job I was lined up for. He constantly tries to get close to me, but instead of feeling brotherly, it feels like he’s trying to insert himself into my identity.
I know this might sound harsh, but I’m starting to feel like I can’t be myself around him. I feel watched, copied, and smothered. I want to pull away, but I feel guilty doing that because I know he might be struggling mentally or emotionally. Still, I also need space to grow and be my own person.
How do I set boundaries in a way that’s clear but not cruel? Has anyone dealt with something similar with a sibling? Any advice would really help.