So I went on a date tonight, dressed up and took my wallet cause I ALWAYS expect to pay for myself. That’s how I was raised, however we hadn’t discussed it and I ordered a steak where we went and he got HEATED. Like sooo pissed. Kept trying to convince me to order chicken or something else and finally I asked if he was paying for me. I said “are you paying? If so i will gladly order something cheaper if you cannot afford the steak. However of you are not, i will get a steak and happily pay for it.” He was till huffy and we kinda ate in silence split the bill and went separate ways. Red flag? AITAH?
I expected to pay for myself it wasn’t discussed I didn’t want to assume
r/AITAH
Comments
Bullet dodged
NTA. Lose his number.
NTA. He was TA for making assumptions about who was paying in this day and age. I’m glad you got to enjoy the meal you wanted.
ESH. Him for assuming and being rude about it, and you for being confrontational and rude about it.
NTA, I think nowadays it’s not unusual for people to split the bill for the first few dates. I understand getting what you want to eat at a restaurant, like a sane human, and being caught off guard with his reaction. Maybe you struck a cord with suggesting he couldn’t afford it but I don’t think this will result in a follow date so I wouldn’t sweat it.
NTA
Bullet dodged. Angry on a first date because you ordered from the menu of the place he took you and you said you’d pay for yourself? There’s a control freak and thank heavens he didn’t manage to hide who he is.
Lol, never waste time thinking of this moron again.
NTA, it’s my pet peeve when people tell me what to order like I’m incapable of deciding myself. If I wanted their opinion I’d ask. It’s rude. You calling him out was a bit much but I’m guessing he was very rude before that so it was deserved. I would have just said I’m paying for myself and I’d like a steak and never talk to him again after we left.
NTA.
First: If he was paying, he should have picked the restaurant. When he picked the restaurant, he should check that he could afford to pay for any entree. You can’t become TA for buying an entree. (Maybe you could be TA for ordering a bottle of wine, appetizers, side dishes yada, yada…. You can let the host take a lead on suggesting all that. But one entree? Even the expensive one? He should be ok with you ordering any entree.
Second: If he was not paying, clearly, he shouldn’t be trying to dictate your choice.
Sounds like you weren’t suited toward each other. Good luck with future dates. I’m glad I’m not dating.
NTA. People like this cheapskate loser don’t deserve your time.
NTA. If you ask somebody out for dinner in a date like setting, I think you need to be prepared to pay for the whole thing. And then be happily surprised if they offer to split.
NTA
If he was planning on paying for both of you but had a limited budget, he could have…
A) Picked a less expensive restaurant for the date.
B) Conveyed before the date that he wanted to pay and what he could afford to spend.
C) Discussed who was paying before.
He chose douche baggery instead. Luckily for you to see it now than when you have feelings for him.
He did you a big favor by letting the mask slip before you became invested in the relationship.
NTA!! Luckily it happened early!! Don’t really wanna be tied to someone like that.
The literal definition of blessing in disguise.
Definitely bullet dodged. NTA
It’s one thing if a guy feels he’s being taken advantage of, to inquire…. It’s another thing to get upset, then continue being upset after she says she planned to pay for her meal anyway.
I applaud you being ready and willing to pay your own way.
NTA but as soon as the restaurant was chosen, you should have said something like, Dutch treat ,right?
Something similar happened to me once, but it was more bizarre bdejaosjsj help
I went out with a guy who was STINKING, and he started kind of complaining about me having time to get home and that’s why I smelled nice
His fault for not communicating beforehand. I always pay when I take a lady out unless she wants to pay.
A summer pilot that will NOT be picked up by the network.
NTA
If someone can’t even be bothered to use his big boy words to communicate, then bullet dodged for sure!
No red flags. No breeze on this one. Move on.
You dodged a bullet. If you go to a place on a date, expect that both parties can order anything from the menu.
The only time I did not pay for a date was because we were at a steakhouse and we both ordered a steak, which I was obviously fine paying for cause, duh we going to a steakhouse so why not get sth delicious but I got flabbergasted when she ordered a 3rd dish for takeaway , I asked what that is for and her answer was ” A friend of mine , she is not in a good place”.
I was fine with it , bill came , I wanted to pay for 2 steak dished and drinks and was obviously thinking she is paying for her friend. Nope. She expected me to pay for that too. So I changed my payment to my steak and drinks only and left because she started to causing a scene.
Dont know if or how she paid afterwards cause she had nothing with her except her car keys and phone.
NTA. You don’t want that.
Total red flag
RED FLAG!!!
Just adding a different perspective.
If he intended on paying, there are a few things he should have done.
Even with this, how he handled this demonstrates his grasp on his emotions. This tells you more about his character and who he is outside of the assumption he couldn’t afford the bill for the two of yous.
Cherry on top that didnt do you or him any favors was you saying “if you can’t afford to pay the bill, I’ll pay for my own”. This is alone can be a gut check for a lot men, some know how to handle it, others not so much. In my opinion that was a bit risky to say given his initial reaction.
I would take this as a learning experience and consider moving on.
Normally people wait to be controlling after they being super charismatic for a while. At least this guy was honest and transparent. Shouting “I’m a controlling asshole. Comply or you’ll lose me”
Good riddance.
NTA. Definite red flag. Sounds like he wanted to control you from the get-go. Idk what kind of maniac gets upset because their date ordered something they wanted, unless it was crazy expensive and they expected the other person to pay for it.
NTA
Acts like an entitled 15 year old incel, gets rejected, rages about how it’s the fault of all women that he’s lonely and sexually frustrated.
Lol the only way that red flag could have been more obvious is if red flag guy was standing right behind him waving the flag for all he’s worth.
Where’s that dude that runs around with the red flag. Gets mad at you for ordering food, and then tries to tell you what you should order… wow, at that point, I would tell the wait staff your order is a to go order, what’s a steak dinner to a chicken one 🤔 maybe five bucks more, not even the steak and lobster option that maybe $10 – 15 more, your gonna get mad at someone your trying to know for a couple of bucks… just wow, scared you might not have enough is one thing… but this is one of those. Tell me why you’re single without telling why you’re single moments 🤦♀️