My girlfriend broke some of our relationship agreements

r/

Hey, I’m a 22-year-old guy and I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years.
I never really felt like anything was missing or wrong until recently.
For some context, we had a mutual agreement from early on — back when I was single, I was super social. But when we started dating, she made it clear she didn’t like it when I talked to or about other girls, even just as friends. So I cut off a lot of friendships, even with some guy friends, and stopped talking to a bunch of people because I was focused on her.

Now she started working somewhere new where she earns more than me (which doesn’t bother me), but I did notice most of her coworkers are guys — like, she’s almost the only girl there. She says she has to talk to them for work and insists they’re not really friends.
But lately, she’s been making comments about how much fun she has with them, and she even told me one time they were teasing her about one of her coworkers, like in a flirty way.
We talked about it, and I told her she wasn’t really sticking to the boundaries we had — boundaries she set — about not getting too close to the opposite sex. At first, she kind of resisted what I was saying, but eventually admitted I had a point.

Honestly, I’ve given up a lot for this relationship. I’ve put most of my time and money into her.
She keeps saying her coworkers are just that — coworkers — and I do want to believe her, but I’ve started to lose trust because of other stuff she’s said.
Recently, she told me one of them invited her to go bowling with a group, and now she wants to buy matching headphones with that same guy because they’re on sale as a pair.

She’s sworn to me it’s nothing, just friendly. But what do you guys think?
This is my first serious relationship and I really don’t know how to feel or if I’m the one overreacting.
Thanks for reading.

Comments

  1. Herdnerfer Avatar

    I understand where you are coming from, but realistically what do you expect her to do here? Purposely avoid interacting with her male coworkers? That just doesn’t seem practical at all. Having fun with your coworkers is one of the few joys we get out of working.

  2. SourMads Avatar

    She broke the rules she made and that’s not love, it’s hypocrisy. If you had to shrink your world for her, she doesn’t get to expand hers without facing the consequences.

  3. Salty_Thing3144 Avatar

    If you do not trust her, then you have no relationship. 

    Let me say that I am NOT advocating for her. I had a strict personal policy never to date or have personal relationships with coworkers AT ALL, regardless of gender. Work people were work people. 

    This is one of those situations where it’s about what you can prove and what lines you are willing to draw. Right now, it sounds casual and within normal bounds. 

    It’s up to you. 

  4. Junior-Towel-202 Avatar

    First of all, it’s not ok for her to ban you from your friends. And yes, she being a hypocrite. 

  5. Human-Living-4083 Avatar

    She is a hypocrite and is showing a complete lack of respect for you and your feelings. I would be very very careful, try to communicate as best you can with her, but if she doesn’t see there’s an issue, then you have things to worry about.

  6. Fit_Zucchini131 Avatar

    Banning you from female friends is straight up emotional abuse & control (look it up if you’re not sure), so she’s both controlling/abusive as well as a hypocrite. Definitely break up

  7. DifferentCry1306 Avatar

    she’s insecure enough to make you guys agree not to have female friends, but now she’s getting all buddy buddy wit her male co workers. Rules for thee but not for me as the saying goes 😂😂😂

  8. Zestyclose-Crow-4595 Avatar

    The fact that she didn’t want you to talk to other women even just as friends is a giant red flag. She is super insecure and is projecting that on to you. It’s not okay. It’s okay for her to feel insecure but it’s not okay for her to expect you to adjust your behavior to accommodate her. Not in this instance anyway. Sometimes we make compromises for partners and sometimes we apologize and adjust our behavior when we’re wrong. However, like I said, this one is a giant red flag. She needs to work on her insecurities, not expect you to not talk to women at all. That’s just unrealistic.

  9. Naive-Skirt-5805 Avatar

    Say sure go get matching headphones and then get matching sheets for you guys’s new apartment because you’re not gonna be living here anymore after you do that shit! 😂

  10. gerbilsbite Avatar

    I’ve read this twice and I don’t think there’s a single positive word in it about the relationship. The descriptions range from negative to neutral.

  11. SchemeOne2145 Avatar

    Asking someone not to have anything to do with the opposite sex sounds creepy and controlling. You trust her or you don’t. If you do, who cares if she has fun with the people she works with,

  12. Grouchy-Cheetah-6156 Avatar

    1.) First serious relationship at 22….. Your young there’s billions of people on this planet and you’re stressing out about this. 2.) From the beginning of your relationship it sounds like there were insecurities. 3.) Sounds like after three years she may have become bored and enjoys or wants to hang out with them. 1.) Step up your game remind her why she is with you. 2.) Cut her lose and go enjoy your 20s…..

  13. Expensive-Tip-817 Avatar

    Dump her *ss. She’ll eventually leave so it might as well be on your terms

  14. Duckriders4r Avatar

    For fucks sacks she’s fucking him already and trying to get you to go first.

  15. ZXtheD Avatar

    Nah this ain’t it. Ask her if she would like it if you had female coworkers that you talk to and go out with, and I bet she’d be pressed. She broke the rules my dude and it ain’t fair that she can do this while you even broke it off with some of your male friends. Shit ain’t cool at all

  16. BreezyBill Avatar

    Childhood relationship started toxic and stayed that way. Put childhood nonsense behind you.

  17. fordguy301 Avatar

    Sounds like both of you have jealousy if you don’t want them to have a conversation with the opposite sex and also trust issues

  18. Heimeri_Klein Avatar

    Ya get out of this relationship. No one should just unilaterally decide you cant have friends based on gender hell nah. Shes a big red flag.

  19. Strange_Wave_8959 Avatar

    You’re allowed to have female friends as long as you aren’t being flirty… having to cut off friends due to gender should’ve been the first red flag

  20. Able-Help782 Avatar
  21. Double_Elderberry_92 Avatar

    Double standards = 🚩

  22. Nescient_Jones Avatar

    Steel Panther has a song about this… It was the first track on their 2014 album

  23. kerslaw Avatar

    I think it’s sketchy and shes definitely being hypocritical you definitely need to talk with her about this and lay down some rules for both of you. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like that will go well.