I (32M) have been a small time real estate investor since I was 23. I own a small condo outright, that I used to live in, along with 2 houses on mortgages but I have equity in them. I bought them both before I met my girlfriend.
She’s 29 years old and has a 6 year old daughter from a previous marriage. We have an 8 month old son together. She moved into the house I lived in last year when she found out she was pregnant. It’s a pretty nice place. It’s single story 3 bedrooms and 2 full bathrooms with a 1.5 car garage which is used for storage. I lived there by myself before.
The house that I rent out is nicer. It’s 3 stories. 4 bedrooms and 2 full baths upstairs plus a half bath on the main level and in the unfinished basement. There’s an extra room upstairs could possibly be used as a guest bedroom or something. There’s an extra dining room and a den on the main level compared to what we have here. Just more space all around. 3 car garage.
Well, she found out she’s pregnant again in April! Was super happy at first. Then, the family who rents out the house announced that they were vacating the property. Kind of sucks because they’ve been good tenants the last 2 years but they’re moving and now it’s going on on the market. My girlfriend found out (obviously) and she wants us to move into that house and rent out the house we currently live in, that I used to live in by myself.
Her logic, which I admit is good, is that all 3 kids would have their own bedrooms vs. two of the kids having to share with their older sibling. That, plus the fact that is objectively a nicer house with more room plus we could both park our cars in the garage while storing stuff in the basement.
The downside from this is that I don’t think she fully understands finances. I’m not trying to sound disrespectful of her, but she’s never had a regular, income generating job. She never worked during high school or college. She got pregnant her senior year and got married right then and there and planned on being a SAHM for a while. After her divorce, she moved back in with her parents and we started dating. None of this was an issue for me…………… but I feel like this lack of experience on money management may be clouding her judgment.
Additional context……. because of how low my interest rates are and how much the property values have shot up since I purchased the house……… the rent from the large house is enough to cover both mortgages (which includes taxes+insurance) while leaving me about $500 left over. It’s not always perfect every month because I’ve gone without a tenant before and sometimes there are costs.
If we were to rent out this house we live in, I’m just estimating we’d be about $1K in the hole between the houses each money. The mortgage rates are lower than what my savings account pays interest so selling it or paying off the interest does not make economic sense. (Yes, I own a condo but if I’m lucky with a tenant after the condo fees and everything the “profit” is $900 but I’ve struggled with that thing. I had an eviction, two clean-outs, and put money into it.)
The main reason why I bought them is because I envisioned a future where I had a bunch of these properties and had an “easier life” in the future. I was hoping to have about 5 properties so that I don’t struggle as a father like mine did when I was growing up. I didn’t buy the house to live in it. Also, I when I bought it I was making over $170K/year at a job that I excelled at but knew I could not do forever due to the stress +expectations. I quit it before I met her and now I only make $90K but the quality of life is so much better. While we “can” afford to live in the nicer house, it’s not a good financial move. I don’t want the stress of my job to be fully dependent on my family. Yes, I have savings and all but it’s a little scary.
I don’t have all that many close friends IRL to talk about this because I live far away from where I went to school to discuss these things. One coworker (a male, if this matters) I spoke to said I was being selfish for making the kids share a bedroom when there’s another option. My boss (who is functionally my best friend around here) gets where I’m coming from and said he knows having to make tough decisions that are necessary. I get that but there’s business vs. personal. IDK. AITAH?
Comments
not if it’s a smart financial move and your family’s needs are still being met. comfort looks different for everyone
What three kids?
A six year old and a baby. Where is the third kid coming from?
My suggestion is seek out Financial Advisor for your needs and then move forward on what they state.
You need to do what is financially smart for the future. In case something happens, you don’t want to be stuck in a crappy situation. I would rather live somewhere smaller without the worry of living somewhere bigger and something going wrong or a job or something being lost. You have a lot of time before those kids get old enough to want all their own rooms Despite the six-year-old I’m sure she will definitely want her own room in the future. I have four daughters and they all shared two rooms that we made into one big room and they wouldn’t of had it any other way and they loved it. As they started hitting puberty then we got them their own rooms because we had a while to save for it. Sometimes just because the money is there doesn’t mean you should spend it just because the bigger house is there doesn’t mean you should live in it. Do what makes you comfortable since you’re the main supporter of the family.
Have you explained this to her and how if she wants nice things for she and the kids, a sacrifice has to be made. The two younger kids will be perfectly fine sharing a room for a few years while you lay down the mortgage. Let her know that living tightly today means a more easy life later.
You’re making a financially sound decision to secure your family’s future, not being selfish. Sacrificing your financial stability for more space isn’t responsible
NTA
It’s your properties. Do what you think is best finically for your family.
There’s not enough info here. But with another kid on the way you’re likely going to outgrow your current house. It’s not impossible but when there’s another house available that would meet your growing family’s needs better, that could breed resentment. You’re also kind of dismissive of your partner’s understanding of things.
Have you sat down and crunched the numbers and also logistically planned out the short and long term living arrangements of the kids… factoring in whether the baby is a boy or girl and considering the age differences?
It’s easy to say kids should share rooms. And it makes sense to expect that in many cases. But when you have mixed families, age differences and in some families (which may or may not happen with your family) neuro diversity that makes it hard to share space) sharing rooms can create a lot of problems.
I think you both need to work more on your communication and planning.
Nta Save it for the future. You have 2 available rooms for the kids, one of which isn’t even born yet. They can share a room for a while without it being an issue. Like fr you don’t really need privacy until you’re like 10, & even then plenty of siblings share rooms. It’s not a big deal. And from the sound of it, it wouldn’t be a sound decision atm, maybe in the future when the kids are older and actually need the privacy you can come back to the discussion.
NTA It’s an investment property that generates income & that’s what it should stay.
NTA
The two babies can share a room for the next several years.
Be very cautious about this situation overall. No disrespect to your GF but being dependent on a BF having lots of kids isn’t a career plan. If you and your GF were to split up in the future (or itlf you passed away), she would be in a vulnerable position for finances and housing. Be happy for your babies, but consider limiting the number of kids you have in the future and encouraging your GF to build skills and experience that can help her to be more financially independent.
You’ve got a good head on your shoulders about your finances. Don’t let your GF spend your money frivolously (such as causing you to lose income that you need). Also, if/when you marry, get a prenup to help protect your premarital assets for you and your kids in case the marriage doesn’t work out.
NTA as long as you fully explain everything to her. You usually profit $500 but if you move, you’d be down a $1000 (most likely) so basically the move will cost you $1500/mo. Unless you guys can handle that loss of money (and still fund your retirements), do not make this move.
She doesn’t have a real income, does she contribute to the utilities and food. i don’t understand if between you , you have 2 kids and a 3 bedroom. Why are the kids sharing. she doesn’t seem to understand finances at all. She has already got it good with you and she wants more.
If you move into the bigger house , she’ll be complaining about the cleaning and want a cleaner. your already giving her plenty. This is a woman who has never provided for herself or her children ever. Sounds like a gold digger, with a convenient pregnancy to get into your house.
If the people have a lease too bad!
Don’t dismiss her intelegence. She may just have different priorities than you. She may understand the consequences and just not care because she prefers to live more fancy. And that’s fine if it’s her value. And if u are real partners u need to make a plan together, not just decide for both of u. Perhaps a compromise of staying small for a few more years while u bank more money.
NTA. Life is fickle and unpredictable. Right now your finances are solid. You have work/life balance. Moving into the larger house is going to up end everything. And if the economy goes south, you could lose your house.
It sounds like you have tried to educate your girlfriend on your finances and how they work in order to increase your wealth. She doesn’t sound like she knows much about budgeting, etc. You didn’t mention if she currently has a job.
I think you are making the right move to stay in your current home and keep renting out the larger home. And please, for goodness sake stop having babies.
Definitely explain the practical reasons why it is not beneficial to move into the nicer home. Once you have a tenant in the home again, you may want to—only a suggestion—- make plans to move into a home that reflects your current family dynamics and rent out the home you’re living in. I think your reasoning is solid, you can have your dream and goals but they may have to be tweaked
Have you talked to her about your goals and financial choices as a partner who wants her input?
If the answer is no, you’re the A.
You have a financial plan. You need to stick with it.
Please be sure to speak with a family lawyer. In some states if you marry, your homes will become marital property even if you own the properties outright and even if you owned them before marriage. You need to know your state laws.
Also, be sure you have a will. In some states, the property goes to the children if there is no marriage. Who would handle this (her?), and would she make sure your children were taken care of or all of her children? I’m just pointing out you need to think things through from a legal standpoint to make sure your family is taken care of in the long term.
Please don’t have any more surprise pregnancies. Things will just get messier. Your girlfriend needs to get educated on the financial aspects of life. She also needs to understand at this point in time, she doesn’t have a say in your investments.
Info: Does she plan on working in the future?
Have you broken it down to her? Explained the financial part? Why not compromise? Tell her that you need to live in the condo for 5 more years to help with the costs of it. She should take a course in finances to get a basic working understanding. And once you do move in to it you’ll need her to get a part time job to contribute to the cost of what you’ll be losing. If she’s wiling to wait 5 years and then contribute to the loss by getting a job and contributing financially then it’s a working solution. Maybe as the 5 year mark approaches she will have a better understanding and opt to not move because she took courses and understands the financial stuff and won’t really want to work part time and rather be at home. Never tell someone ‘no- we can’t do this.’ Always say ‘sure, we can consider it- but these steps have to be taken first. Once they are we can revisit it. If you don’t want to take the steps I don’t see how we can make it an option’ … people feel better with choices, they are willing to work towards a goal, and respond better when they feel they are being considered with be a part of a working solution. IMO
NTA. Make a 10 year plan. In 10 years when the kids are bigger, more of the mortgages are paid off, and your girlfriend gets a part-time job to contribute, you can all move into the bigger house. And get serious about birth control! 4 kids in the smaller house will be a bigger fight! Do not let yourself get pushed into a poor financial decision. Just keep repeating that the mortgage is too high for you to pay on your salary alone. Once the kids are all in school and she gets a job the situation can be revisited. Good luck!
So you had no say in the pregnancies?
The horror – sharing a room with your sibling.
Time to start gf’s financial education. The kids will survive and maybe thrive sharing space.
Financially yes. I suggest telling your girlfriend that if she wishes to live in the nicer home it requires two household income.
If you live in the nicer home, as you stated in the best scenario when both places are rented you are -$1k on the worse scenario if both places aren’t rented you will be in greater debt. I’m not sure how much more. On top of it no one tells you but the larger the home the greater the expenses.
Electric and gas for a condo is significantly less, then to the 3bdrm, and the Mac mansion is probably double. Honestly on a 90k salary you need to plan if you can financially cover all 3 properties if both are not rented out.
When did it become necessary for every kid to have their own separate bedroom?? My sister and I shared a bedroom for 12 years and we still laugh about the stuff we used to talk about late at night. NTA. It’s better to sacrifice now while the kids are young. You’re preparing for a better future.
NTA. Kids that young can share a bedroom for a few years without an issue. Put the 6 year old in one room and the babies in the other. Write up a budget of the income you’re bringing in vs. the costs of all bills, food, etc. Lay it all out for your girlfriend so that she can better understand why you want to stay in the smaller house. Let her know that you would be open to re-examining the idea of moving into the bigger house once all of the kids are old enough to be in school all day. Then you have more time to pay down the mortgage.
Also, start using condoms and insist that she take birth control after your next child is born. Or consider a vasectomy if you don’t want any more children.
NTA – Stay in the current house. Your kids will be only 14 months (or so) apart in age. They can share a room for several years until privacy becomes an issue. Costs for food, clothing, etc all increases with the third child, even with hand-me-downs from the 8 month old.
Build more equity, save money for now to support an easier future.
And get a vasectomy. A second pregnancy 5 months later? You’re not even married. Think of how child support will tap you out if something happens to your relationship; protect yourself financially.
NTA. But do a vasectomy, no more kids
NTA, you’re thinking for long term especially with how things are now in the world. Especially since a bigger house means added expense and work, i.e she’s going to want to buy things to fill up the additional space then she’s going to have to clean more. Explain to her how saving now while the kids are young would be better.
NTA
And please do not put any rings on those fingers without an airtight prenup.
Having kids is literally not a smart financial move. But we still do it anyway. Move into the bigger house.
You have an eight month old, and she’s pregnant?
And she moved in because she became pregnant the 1st time??
Have the two of you discussed contraception?
Marraige?
Anything besides where she wants to live?
Neither one of you is thinking with your brains here…
NTA. Never make yourself “house poor”.
Sounds like she wants you to sell everything and buy a nice house where you can live together modestly. Doesn’t sound unnecessarily unreasonable.
NTA
So a couple of the kids will have to share a room. Big deal. So many people have had to share a room with their siblings. Sit her down and explain how the money from the rental works. Also if you do marry her make sure to have a prenup.
I wish more people talked about finances and common goals (and religion and family and credit and housework, etc) BEFORE getting pregnant.
You really need to know this stuff about a person before you decide to commit to sharing a life with someone, much less creating one. If you aren’t compatible in one of these key areas, it ALWAYS ends up being a dealbreaker, and isn’t it better to know that BEFORE kids are involved?
That said, now you have 2 kids involved, and someone who either doesn’t understand finance or doesn’t share your financial values.
You need to have several discussions with her to figure out which. If it’s a a value difference, it’s not judgmental. It’s just something that’s extremely unlikely to change, and you’ll both be extremely frustrated with one another over decisions you make over the short and long term. This includes differences like financial planning for your children vs buying tons of high end “need to have” things.
Your retirement plans will be different, your saving plans will be different, your vacation plans will be different, and one of you will end up resenting the other for not being able to live with the financial values he or she chooses.
If it’s just education, obviously a (somewhat) easier fix, if she’s willing.
These kinds of differences are always trickier than they seem, and people tend to side with whomever’s values most closely match their own.
I hope you work this out.
Can you sit her down and explain your reasoning to her? Maybe you can compromise and live in the smaller (although far from tiny) house for maybe another couple of years, then move to the bigger house? Your youngest is still a toddler and the new baby, when it arrives, will likely sleep in your room for at least a few months. This compromise could allow you to save up some more money and put you in a better financial position so you don’t struggle.
Also, maybe consider a vasectomy or some kind of more effective or permanent birth control if you want to be financially independent sooner rather than later.
Also, your math isn’t mathing as far as her age and her child’s age. Did she lose or give up the baby she got pregnant with her senior year?
You need to do a budget together
Everyone is giving you sound advice. I just want to add on – I grew up sharing a room with two other sisters. We’re just fine. In fact, when my two older sisters moved out and I had a room to myself I felt lonesome. So unless you know for a fact that the kids won’t ever get along, sharing a room is not going to negatively impact them in the long run.
If it’s not smart investment wise, I wouldn’t do it. Yeah the space would be nice but logically speaking now. The two younger ones are a little enough that they could share a room worst case scenario and maybe down the road you could figure something out but for now it’s really not necessary because the babies are little and they don’t really understand those things
The younger kids can share a room until they go to school. Then she will have no excuse not to work. Maybe, if she shows that she can keep a job so that she will contribute financially to the household, you can make that move to the larger house. Or buy another one for your family and rent both of these houses out. If she doesn’t continue to work and contribute financially, you move back into the smaller house.
Whatever you do, don’t marry her without an ironclad prenup protecting all your assets. Maybe have her sign a lease so that her contributions are considered rent so she can’t claim part ownership of your house.
Consider that if she’s never worked or supported herself, she might be with you as a provider, and she has your children as security.
Protect yourself, your assets, and your children.
Updateme!
Your younger kids are not super far apart in age, they are not going to care about having their own rooms until the older of the two is at least 6 or 7. My younger brother and I shared a room and I didn’t care or think about it until I was like 10, I was also afraid of the dark and had nightmares a lot as a kid and it was comforting having my brother near by. Its not unreasonable for her to want all 3 kids to have their own rooms, but when they’re both in diapers/pull ups its super not necessary. Compromise with her! Come up with a 5 year plan to move when the kids are older. In the end she will get what she wants and in the meantime finesse your financial situation. Get more rentals, save more, figure it out. Get your girlfriend to become a licensed real estate agent so she can also bring in an income and have something to fall back on if your relationship goes south. Which might sound rude but if we’re being realistic, she’s already been divorced once. Every stay at home mom needs a backup plan.
NAH but it’s hard to sympathize with you. You want a house with three kids, there are sacrifices to be made here…
Have the two of you talked about birth control and not just finances? Will she want a bigger house every time she gets pregnant ?
Sound to me like she baby trapped you🧐
Did you sit her down and explain the financial situation, so she understands it? It’s not that difficult to understand if it’s laid out properly. It’s not going to harm the kids to share a bedroom for a couple of years. Tbh, if she’s not bringing in any money, you aren’t married so this is really your decision to make. I raised 3 kids and was a SAHM for some of it and worked some of it, so I do know what’s involved. So no, NTA
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with kids sharing a room. I shared with my little sister for many years. You have a good financial head on your shoulders, and if she sticks with you, she’ll thank you later. A bit of sacrifice now for a more comfortable future. Good job!
Tell her that you would struggle to afford to live in the bigger house right now and that maybe when the kids are older and she is working that you can reconsider.
NTA with almost three kids its best to have money saved. Nothing wrong with kids sharing a room. I did.
Years ago a friend of mine inherited around $1M cash and two prime properties one of which she sold. She got married a little later and the house she bought has four bedrooms but one they used as an office and the other two were real small. They ended having 3 daughters and 2 sons. There was basically no room for the kids in their rooms – they were crammed in there and they lived liked this for about 14 years when they finally bought a bigger house. If you didn’t know any better you’d think they were sort of poor.
If you are serious enough to consider proposing to this woman in the near future, then setting up for a more permanent housing situation makes sense. You will have to decide what makes the most sense financially, but deciding not to move and instead have the kids share a room is just kicking the can down the road as it honestly sounds like you were cramped for space with 4 in the house, much less 5.
As to the future vision you have, its too late to not have kids in the picture. Its up to you to decide how you wanna be a father, but you are past the planning phase and are on the execution phase. Maybe she needs to work, maybe you need to sell the condo, maybe you are fine staying with things as-is, but trying to plan for the future now needs to ensure you are considering the kids in the picture, not what your “ideal” vision is.
Sounds like you can’t afford to be a landlord-one hiccup can cause you financial hardship-sell both of the rentals and have some savings-you have 2 plus 1 kids now-you need a larger house
It’s not rocket science!
My dad retired at 35 from buying and renting real estate.
You stay in the house you are in!
The baby you have now and the baby on the way can share a room until they are about 7 or 8 if one is a boy and one is a girl, no one is sharing a room with the older half sibling.
If they are both the same sex they can share a room for longer.
Financially it would be beyond stupid to move!!!
If she really needs her car in a garage then get rid of some of the stuff you have in the garage or reorganize it.
Tell her here are her options:
Stay in the house you are currently in and she gets to be a stay at home mom.
You move very unnecessarily and she has to go to work a full-time job to bring in the balance of the lost revenue and the added cost of daycare while she is at work!!!
This way she gets to choose and can’t complain because she fully knows what her two options are and she will have chosen.
Tell her there is no reneging if she chooses the bigger house! As long as you live in the bigger house she has to work a full-time job!
She needs to remember kids only get more expensive as they get older so now you will be feeding, clothing, dental and medical care, school, after school activities all for 3 children and after school care for all three too!
Which one has the better school district?
NTA. Your girlfriend is not contributing to the financials in this household to make up the deficit if you move into the larger home.
Kids can share a bedroom for their ENTIRE CHILDHOOD. Nobody is going to die because they had to share a room.
Right now, the kids are little. It’s really no big deal that they’re sharing a room.
When the kids are school age, if you and this woman are still together, she needs to get a job unless you’re really cool with being the breadwinner forever. Then you can look at the financials and decide if its time to give the tenants of the larger house notice that you will not be renewing their lease, so you can take possession of it and move in with your kids.
Please don’t marry this woman without a prenup to protect all of your investment properties.
Updateme
NTA. You have to make tough choices sometimes.
Why not live in the big house, rent out the condo, and sell the other one you have a mortgage on? How long do you plan on living in a smaller condo than what your growing family is in size?
What would be selfish is for Dad to have to get a second job or go bankrupt if Mommy insists on being a SAHM.
The two toddlers can share a room (the 8 year old should not have to ever share, frankly, with such an age difference.)
You need to sit down with the finances, or have her take a class or something. She 100% should understand it (in case something happens to you – I’ve known a few widows who didn’t know how to handle the household finances when their husband’s died.
Get a spreadsheet together of expenses. Do have one category for “emergency fund for that rental – point out how much a roof repair would cost. You should be socking away that $500 a month for such emergencies or for times when you do not have a tenant.
Bottom line is – you aren’t married. It is how you can afford to support your girlfriend when she doesn’t want to work when she has a child. Not many can afford to be a single income household – that house lets you provide essentially two incomes. If you give that up, then she needs to bring in an income.
Explain all this to her as to a two year old. If she doesn’t understand then tell her she would need to start working so the gap would be covered and the family will live similar life to now
I’m not hideous, just a plain looking guy with a plane job. And when I got my first house my romantics prospects shot up like 800%. You’re being taken for a ride.
Young kids can share bedrooms.
Keep the big house as a rental. income is more important right now.
1 Get a vasectomy, you’re married to a fertile Myrtle . The kids will be fine in the smaller house for a few years. Your two can share a room for at least the next 10 years. If she really wants the bigger house then she can get a full time job and help out with the expense. You are on the right track for the future don’t let your penis derail your path to financial independence.
NTA sure you have a bigger house, but if you didn’t, she’d probably be fine where you are now. The six year old gets her own room, and the babies go in together. It’s not ideal if one cries and wakes the other up, but the six year old has to go to school. She’s going to need uninterrupted sleep.
My opinion is that with everything going on in the world, it’s not the time to make big changes. Stay where you’re financially secure a little longer. Then, when all the kids are school age, consider moving. At that point, your wife could also go back to school or work part time while they’re in school. It’s not like you’re crammed in a one or even two bedroom apartment. You’re in a 3 bedroom home ffs.
While living in the bigger house might seem ideal, your gf will have 3 floors to keep clean AND have to watch the kids, especially the babies because of the stairs. Thats quite a bit more work for her and I doubt she’s taken time to think about it. She wants to be a SAHM, which means taking care of that huge house. Im in your corner on this for more than 1 reason. Her staying home is fine, but it leaves you as the only breadwinner. And with 2 children in the house and a 3rd on the way, you need to focus on the financial aspects very closely. Unless gf plans on working outside the home someday, you have to makes plans based on the economy, your earnings, etc. So it makes better sense to sell the bigger house. Since gf isn’t financially as aware as you, you need to take the lead and just tell her its financially its a much better idea to sell it, than it is to live in it and rent out the one you live in now.
Tell her you want to stay in the smaller house for financial gain, but as the kids grow you’ll move into the larger one.
Keep in mind you’re here concerned about her financial literacy and understanding the value of a dollar yet you’re the one that just impregnated her, again! She may need to learn more financially, but you also need to learn about birth control and safe sex.
This is the time in life to live in the smaller house. The kids are young enough to share rooms, while you want them to be able to have their own room around 11, so you’ve got a good ten years.
Show her all of the finances and talk about your plans for more investments, along with college plans for all of the kids.
Does she get any child support? If so, while you can afford it, putting all of those payments into the 529 for her 6yo will set her up well, while you can start the babies’ plans with smaller investments, since there is more time.
Set some benchmarks about when moving to a bigger house will make sense in your plans, and agree to have annual budget meetings where you will both do a recap of spending and make plans for the next year.
You need to get snipped like yesterday. She is just going to keep getting preggers to keep you trapped. She views you as a meal ticket. She does not think she needs to work for an employer or to generate income. Stay on the Josie you can afford z. You can move to the bigger Josie when you can afford it.
NTA. Tell her to get a job and help with the finances before she gets to make such decisions. It’s blunt and direct, but she has to learn at some point.
NTA. Maybe revisit this in 4 or 5 years when your little ones are older. At least for a few years, there should be no problem with them sharing. Continue to economize and educate your wife of the financial side of things so that she can understand your caution and the need to hold off on moving to a bigger house and losing the additional income.
NTA- have you talked her through all of this? Perhaps a compromise could be worked out like staying in the smaller house until the baby is older and you are in a better position to make sure you will not struggle.
NTA
NTA. Maybe write it all out for her, columns for the numbers. And tell her how you’d be -$1000 a month and ask how she’d want to contribute to that.
Also, can you add a room onto the house you’re living in. Like close in a back porch or convert the garage into an extra bedroom?
Sit down with pen and paper and show her what moving into the bigger house will mean. Less money for date night, vacations, family outings, gymnastics/sports/classes for the kids vs. staying with the smaller house. The kids are young but in 4-5 years, when they’re older and may need more space, you can revisit the idea.
Nta but from your comments it doesn’t sound like much of an issue anyway. She understands the financial side, she just would like to live there but understands why you can’t yet. I’d prefer to have a brand new car or not to have to work, but it’s a reality I accept that I can’t. Doesn’t mean I can’t think about it.
Kids can share, it won’t hurt them. But since you’re already going to be at full capacity at this house and cannot move yet, I’d either get some better contraception as what you’re using clearly isn’t working, or get a vasectomy. If you get her pregnant again, you are going to have to put your plans in the bin and provide for your growing family, simple. Can’t put 3 kids in a room together while 1 gets their own, that’s not fair and space will be limited altogether.