I have two mutual friends and everyone is taking sides and I don’t know who is right and who is wrong because I can see both sides.
My friends Marlene 32/F and Zack 33/M have been together for 3 years. I know them through another friend of mine who was friends with Zack first, so I don’t really come into this with loyalty to anyone.
Initially, they met because Zack owns several retail stores and Marlene was hired at one of them by the store manager. When Zack when to one of the stores, they met and started talking and about a month later they went on a date. Because they slept together that night and decided to be a couple, Zack “fired” her and she got a job right away at another store not owned by him. When they were telling me that story years later, I asked if they had to do anything with HR, but he laughed and said he doesn’t have an HR.
Anyway, they got very serious, very fast, and right away, he was paying for her for everything, although she also worked for her own savings. After 6 months, she and her son, (who is 5 from a previous relationship), moved into his place, where they’ve lived the past 3 years. They never got married.
Several months ago, Zack got very sick (like deathly sick) and ended up being admitted to the hospital for months, having to have a few hours longs emergency surgeries and a very long recovery in the hospital. The doctors even thought he was going to die, but he pulled through. His mother and grandmother dropped everything and flew from across the country where he’s originally from, to be at his bedside for months. However, Marlene only visited him a few times there. From what I’ve heard our friends, she told him that she had to pick up extra shifts at work to make money and he thinks that she was worried that if something happened to him, her ability to survive as a single mom would be screwed because he was paying for everything for them and they weren’t married. And additionally, she didn’t feel she was needed, because his mom and grandmother were always there.
When he got out of the hospital, he broke up with her because he was so hurt and gave her money for first and last and several months of rent on a new apartment to get her out and has blocked her on everything. He needed and still needs lot of recovery help and apparently, he is not the type to want to look weak and vulnerable, and I think in his mind he was scared she was going to break up anyway since he was not providing the same lifestyle (she has exciting, expensive tastes) as before, so he just did it first.
All his friends and him hate her now and her friends are not talking to him, I only know this because my friend who introduced us was friends with him. I haven’t talked to her or him yet, but I like them both so I’m not sure how to navigate it and I don’t even know who is to blame because I can honestly see both sides: I understand why he is hurt, because he thought she loved him, but now feels like he was used and just a provider to her. Whereas, she is a single mom, not married, with no rights or money if something happened to him, and she was scared what would happen if he died or couldn’t provide anymore or whatever.
What do you guys think of this complicated situation?
TL:DR: friends broke up because girlfriend didn’t visit boyfriend in hospital when he was fighting for his life, but girlfriend was working more shifts scared what would happen because he was paying for everything before he got sick
Comments
Money will come and go. Bills will always exist, Zach almost didn’t.
I feel like if you are really in love with somebody you’d make the time to be there. Even if you were picking up more shifts I feel like nothing would be able to stop you from being at that person’s bedside. I know life goes on and she had to be practical but still it seems a little cold.
But both these people aren’t your prime people. They are people in your general group, so I don’t think you even have to take sides, you can just assume that people were doing the best with the information and maturity that they had at the time.
I think it does show also that money was at the forefront of both their minds in different ways, for her survival, for him it was if somebody liked him for himself.
I think looking at it as “picking sides” is unnecessary. If you like them both, don’t get involved and stay friends with them both. Just see them separately, and hopefully one day they can be civil. And when you do see them just explain that you are still friends with the other one, as you didn’t want to affect your existing friendships. Just be there for them