My SIL needs a surgical breast lift for her severe back pain.I have been actively donating $50 weekly and so has some other relatives. The last time I checked she was 25% of her way to the goal.
My SIL has a 6 yo daughter. Very kind angel. She had a barbie that meant the world to her. I have seen her with it at family gatherings and in pictures. She seemed to be with it mojst of the time.
So yesterday I was scrolling through Instagram. I came across a video she posted 10 hours earlier of the barbie doll burning up in a fire and her daughter screaming in the background. The caption said “Eat all the cookies and this is what happens”. I asked for more context to have a full opinion of the situation, also viewing it as fucked up at the same time, and she told me her daughter ate all of the cookies she baked. Didn’t specify amount.
I think her punishment was too extreme. It hurts to see her daughter crying in the background of the video. I messaged her back and told her my decision to no longer donate to her because of her actions. She called me a dumbass and then blocked me. I told my husband about the story and he sides with his sister. He thinks her body is worth more than the toy she destroyed. I actually don’t know if I should just keep donating or not at this point.
Comments
Do not donate; what an absolutely cruel human being. Please go buy your niece a new Barbie and dump your husband for thinking this is even remotely ok.
Your SIL is an abusive piece of shit excuse of a mother and I hope her back pain never improves. Your husband is an idiot and I hope the two of you don’t have children if he thinks this is acceptable discipline. That poor child!
Your money, your choice. I think your husband is a toad for siding with his sister. I genuinely hope you don’t have children with this ‘man’, I use the term loosely
Some people should not have kids
NTA what your SIL did was incredibly cruel. It’s really concerning that she was so proud of being cruel that she posted about it on social media.
Is she getting a breast lift or breast reduction? How much have you donated so far to this? $50 a week is a lot. Are you certain she’s going to spend the money solely on this surgery? Who is managing the funds?
It’s not the toy that’s the issue. It’s the fact she did it to traumatize her child
Worth more than the toy she destroyed? Nope. Worth more than the pain she caused her daughter? Hell no.
In no world does the punishment fit the “crime” here. That woman is an absolute twat. Your child overeats some sweets so you BURN her favorite toy? SIL is a psycho who probably abuses her daughter in other unseen ways.
Your SIL made the decision for you. She blocked you so if she doesn’t want to communicate with you she shouldn’t expect any more money from you. She sounds like a real POS so don’t give her another cent.
You get to spend your money on whatever you want but the problem here is not your actions or hers, it’s that you have an unsupportive husband, IMO. NTA.
What? She filmed it!! Don’t give her another penny.
Buy the doll but keep it for her until she is an adult. You get it for her now mom will destroy it. That woman is sick.
NTA. That bitch is psychotic. I wouldn’t give her a dime.
That is cruel! The punishment didn’t fit the crime! She burned the doll? That is sadistic!
That’s child abuse. NTA
Buy multiple dolls. Give her one each time that shit of a SIL takes one away. NTAH
Thats malicious. No way in hell would I support that. If you dont have kids with husband yet I’d severely consider whether you want to. He doesn’t understand it isn’t the cash value of that toy that’s the issue. It’s that the doll was a 6 year old child’s favorite toy that was probably her comfort item. No different than a stuffy most kids drag around til middle school. It’s their safe harbor in a world of storms. And to destroy that because a kid ate too many cookies is just unhinged behavior.
Not sure if this is the first time SIL has done something this evil. I can tell you though that this isnt something the kid will forget. The kid will get over it but 15 years from now SIL is going to be asking everyone why her kid wants nothing to do with her.
Tell your SIL you’re done contributing.
That poor little girl. That sounds so traumatic. I wouldn’t keep helping SIL. That just sounds so evil.
Don’t know all the ins and outs but based in this I’ll repost the video on social media showing this despicable act and open a get a new Barby found inviting everyone to stop the tits donations til the toy found has sufficient money to purchase a new favorite toy. Forget to mention this husband is a complete and utter idiot.
NTA: Tell her you are saving for when she decides to get a personality surgery
Her body is not worth the child she destroyed. That baby will remember this for the rest of her life. It is traumatic. Any parent that would do this to a child has serious issues. That poor baby. I can’t even.
I don’t know where you live, but in the US, if she has such severe back pain, why isn’t insurance paying for the surgery?
What she did is psychotic. Maybe her daughter shouldn’t have eaten all the cookies, but there are punishments that fit that “crime”, not setting a favorite toy on fire. That’s barbaric.
It’s hard to tell which of these sensational stories are real or not. Because there are so many fakes, yet people do astonishing and shocking things all the time.
NTA, What an absolute ¢unt. Teach the daughter how to make those cookies herself and put that $50 in an account for the daughter for when she needs it.
Burn your daughters toy, this is what happens.
It isn’t the value’ of a doll, it is most definitely the value of a child’s emotional security.
NTA. First off, if she is medically needing a reduction and lift, why is her insurance not covering this? It isn’t even an unusual or unique one for insurance to cover. Sounds like she is literally just using y’all.
Secondly, wtf is wrong with her?? Because her kid ate all the cookies, that was her go to parenting move? What exactly is the lesson learned from this outside of your mama is a complete bitch and selfish AF.
Personally starting Monday I’d be sending that little girl a new Barbie every damn week with that $50 😏 She’d have a fantastic collection in no time.
NTA. This is psychological abuse. I would do more than stop donating. Fuck you husbamd if he thinks this is okay. I hope you dont have children with him and never do.
NTA, that bitch can spend eternity with her tits hurting her back.
What an absolute pos your sil is. NTA.
NTA. Not to mention, that procedure is likely covered by insurance, as long as it is actually medically necessary. So as long as she doesn’t have shitty insurance, she shouldn’t be begging for money
Do not donate. Put that money in an account to pay for your niece’s therapy down the road or escape money so she can leave at 18.
Updateme
The choice by your SIL to post a video is sick. Like she wanted to flex that her child was distraught, she was happy to come up with that punishment. It’s not about the value of the doll, it’s about the way your SIL treats her daughter. I think this is a good way to show her that you disapprove of her “parenting”. That she called you a dumbass and blocked you means she doesn’t care about your $50/week. Save your money. Buy your niece a new doll! NTAH.
NTA. She ruined her daughter’s favorite toy over cookies!!?!! That in itself is childish. That poor kid will most likely have lifelong trauma from this event.
I wonder if CPS would take an interest. This is some pretty extreme psychological torture.
I would burn all contact with your SIL, and I would burn the husband too, as he does see her actions as emotionally abusing a child,
it only shows what kind of a person he is and how he will treat you and your children if they were in a similar situation. The brother and sister both need therapy, and I hope they get the help they need. I would save the video, and if things like this keep happening, I would get in touch with child protective services in your country.
NTA
Tell your husband it’s not how much the doll cost – it’s the psychological toll your niece is very likely to be going through. Having your mom literally light on fire your most prized possession because you ate some cookies is trauma inducing. Not only the possibility of never feeling safe around her mother again because any time she’s mad she’ll torch something niece loves, but since it’s tied to food there’s decent odds an eating disorder is incoming.
Whoaaaa, that’s terrible!
I would be spending $50 a week in new toys for the daughter, or since her mother wants to destroy everything that baby girl likes then $50 in experiences, zoo aquarium movie theater going out to eat etc
NTA Her body is not worth more than the psychological damge she is doing to your niece. Your SIL is a monster and doesn’t deserve your help or sympathy.
Your SIL is an abusive POS.
Your (stbx) husband is an apologist for an abuser and likely one himself.
Dump the whole damn family.
I would stop sending her money. But I’d give a nice package to that child, that contained several barbie dolls , with clothes and fun accessories.
Or like someone else said, just buy several and give 2 to start off with, and be ready to keep giving her another one every time that mom takes one away.
Maybe give 4 rolls of ready to make cookies to the dad. Only to make the point that they’re easily replaced.
That woman is horribly abusive.
Plus, you have no idea if she’s actually in pain or just wants a free breast lift. She sounds like a horrible human being, so you couldn’t put it past her to make up stories for profit.
This has to be fake…if it’s not, you need to stop donating and call her parents or husband or someone who has some influence over her because what you’ve described is unhinged. She burned her daughter’s doll for a fairly innocuous mistake instead of parenting her daughter. And she documented doing this online, which is even worse. I’m not sure if she thought she was being tough but what she was actually doing is being violent, abusive, and vindictive…to a little kid, her own daughter. I wouldn’t feel safe for her daughter and might even call CPS.
She taught her daughter a lesson about consequences. You can teach her the same lesson. Her punishment was too extreme.
She doesn’t need a breast reduction, she needs a boob reduction. She’s a boob.
NTA she’s a horrible mother. Shit like that traumatizes a child for life. You are not obligated to donate to anyone for anything. Since you get to choose where your money goes and the type of people and causes you choose to support, you don’t need to give it to her, monster or not.
That’s not discipline. It’s ABUSE and I’d be on the phone reporting her sadistic ass to CPS. Definitely NTA. WTF is wrong with that family???
NTA. Your SIL is an evil bitch. That poor child was traumatized.
Nope, NTA. And I would call CPS on her for what she did. That is abuse, period.
You didn’t stop because of the monetary value of the doll. You stopped because of the cruelty of the behavior/punishment that did not fit the “crime”
You do not need to give someone money if they are cruel to a child. I’m sure she can find a way to make some money if she wants or needs that surgery. She’s not entitled to having other people handing over their money like that.
I wouldn’t donate any further. I would have a rally problem for some one who destroyed a toys for nothing more then eating cookies. No matter how many they are.
Are you donating through a third party site? If so, you can request the funds be returned, especially when the donations are for something not fully funded, which has not occurred.
If her reduction is for actual medical reasons, insurance should cover it.
What she did, destroying a child’s toy to extract revenge, while videotaping the destruction and then publicizing her child’s pain, is sick.
Just destroying a child’s beloved possession is an abusive way to parent. Just humiliating a child to get online attention, is an abusive way to parent. Combining them together is horrible. She is an abusive parent who is proud of the abuse she inflicts.
You’re NTA for not wanting to financially support such a heinous parent.
NTA. I have a question, is she getting a breast reduction in addition to the lift? If her breasts are so large they’re causing severe back issues, they need to be reduced and insurance should cover that.
Your SIL and husband are terrible people. He would justify this behavior about your children, too. That isn’t just an overreaction or too harsh of a punishment it is literally psychological abuse.
Send the vid to CPS
NTA. Burn a child’s favorite toy over eating, don’t get free money towards your much needed medical surgery. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ She has to learn there’s consequences to her actions. She shouldn’t be proud of herself. She unnecessarily traumatized her child. She could have made her point home by just taking away the Barbie for a day.
Psychopathic behaviour – to her own 6 year old!!
I would seriously consider NEVER having children with a man who sided with cruelty toward children. By anyone.
Do NOT have kids with someone who thinks this is ok
That’s fucking mental and emotional abuse. Fucking grown woman can’t keep her shit together about a 6 year old eating cookies? Yet expects a 6 year old to not eat the cookies? This is a genuinely unwell, likely evil fucking woman. I’d keep my eye on her and the kid cuz of she’s okay posting that to the oublic, just imagine what’s she’s okay with doing behind close doors. Fuck id try and get that kid outta there.
Your husband thinks you overreacted show him this post and all the replies!
OP I am confused. If she has severe back pain then why won’t her insurance cover this surgery? Breast reduction or similar isn’t elective in this case as there is a medical reason/need for the surgery. Does she have no insurance?
Please do not donate any more $$$ to this dumb-ass.
If anyone’s the dumb-ass here, it’s clearly her.
That was extremely cruel & quite abusive what your Sil did to her young daughter which has long lasting effects on her & her development as a child all thru her teen years, including when she becomes an adult.
What else is she doing to her child behind closed doors, that you don’t know about?
Try to be your Niece’s anchor as a safe person & safe place that she can go to, if you can.
When it’s the Holidays or her birthday, maybe gift her a new Barbie Doll?
I’m very concerned that if you DO any of these niceties that her Mother – your SiL – will further punish you (and her child) by destroying your gifts to her daughter as a form of payback, bc you dared call this demonic force out then refused to pay for her badly needed breast lift.
All that I am advising you is to use caution & tread very lightly w/ this extremely disturbed & toxic individual as well.
NTA
SIL is the ass. So is your husband. I hope you don’t have children if he thinks this is ok. Don’t give her any more money.
What a disgusting woman.
NTA. Your SIL is abusive and a whacko and your husband’s judgement is shockingly bad. Please have that man in therapy before you ever have kids with him.
Edited: had more to say. Can’t get past your husband’s response.
Edit 2 because I keep getting madder. Giving charity to a person who calls you names is what would actually make you a dumbass. You made the right call.
NTA. She is the AH and if she didn’t want blowback she shouldn’t have posted it. It’s just twisted all the way around.
And BTW if she really needed surgery because her breasts were giving her back problems, then it would be covered by insurance. Even medicaid will cover it if it’s medically necessary. Usually it’s a reduction and a lift for back problems. The reduction surgery is the primary cause of back pain relief. She may be conning you, who the hell has the family chip in for boob job?! Jerry Springer invited guests come to mind …
That’s just sick. I’d call CPS. I can’t imagine the torture your niece is going through, if SIL is willing to put that on social media.
um…wtaf now.
Honestly, I wish that little girl could be adopted by someone else. 😥😥😥😥
NTA If it was medically necessary insurance would cover it. She doesn’t NEED a breast life in the first place. She is truly demented for doing that to her daughter’s toy.
It was a six year old. A six year old was left unattended within easy reach of cookies. A six year old ate all the cookies. Yeah, bad girl, don’t do that again, no dessert for you this week.
Burning the six year old’s prize possession? Total dick move.
Regardless of what anyone thinks, do what you think is right. I tend to agree with you that you no longer want to support this bully of a mom. I don’t know how much $50 a week is to you; half a day’s pay, a couple hours of pay half an hour’s pay. It’s your money and you get to decide what to do with your disposable income.
Buy your niece a new Barbie doll.
She set fire to her daughter’s best friend. A 6 year old who brings a toy everywhere, that was a healthy attachment at that age that just went up in flames. The barbie could have been a teddy bear, favourite book, favourite blanket, it had a really sweet sentiment behind it. This is horrific, to subject a child to such a disturbing sight, does this not warrant a call to CPS? She’s going to have nightmares, even night terrors and her mom is the one who caused it.
NTA.
What a b!tch! She posted that online? What a horrible person!
NTA. My stepmother did something similar to me when I was that age, and I’ve never forgotten how much it hurt and how confused I was. Her daughter isn’t going to forget either.
NTA
I remember being a kid and doing impulsive shit like that. It’s normal. As a parent, you use that to teach them in an appropriate manner. One time, there was my favorite pudding pie with marshmallows in it in the fridge, and my big brain thought I could scoop out some with my finger and no one would know. I do not recall if I tried to make it look like I hadn’t, but I suspect I didn’t. My punishment was not getting any actual slices of the pie; my siblings got what would have been mine. And I wasn’t shielded from it. It sucked, but I knew I messed up.
I think had I eaten all the cookies as a kid, I’d miss out on any from a batch I would have been made to help make some more. At ,6 I think it would have been collecting the bags of ingredients and the tools, then having to sit there while they got made and baked. Then, there was the cleaning up to do.
What is not normal is burning a child’s doll in front of them for punishment. That’s unhinged! She can save for her own shit, that’s how a vast majority of people have to do it. She needs to get to a doctor, and they can proclaim it medically necessary, and insurance may very well offer some coverage. Might need to do a reduction, too, to make it coverable, but to use family as your cosmetic surgery funding seems wild. Until then, she can buy better and more supportive bras.
I’d probably feel more sympathetic if she hadn’t posted a video to Instagram for the world to see, traumatizing her young child.
NTA. don’t story this last she is cruel to a child !
WTF
Just look up Ruby Franky and see where her cutting off her daughter’s stuffed animal’s head lead to…….
NTA, that’s so messed up. Over COOKIES???? she went nuclear on that poor baby, I welled up just reading your story.
I just wanted to say that a breast lift won’t last very long if she is very large (breast size). She needs a reduction and augmentation. I know because I had them done at 17. I had documented doctor’s visits about my pain and issues with them, and the insurance actually covered it. Just something she should consider because the weight on her chest is what is making her back hurt…not the location of them. If you talk to her, tell her to please please please research each doctor/surgeon before choosing one and ask to see their work. I paid a price, but others shouldn’t have to, so I tell them.
Also, that was a very mean-spirited thing she did to her daughter. The punishment didn’t fit the crime at all. Your decision to stop contributing is pretty dickish…punishment didn’t fit the crime.
Breast lift or breast reduction? Lift wouldnt do much for back pain I wouldnt think.
That was psychotic to torture a child like that.
What’s next? Kill the puppy.
Don’t donate, but you should send the video to the authorities that are responsible for the well being for children in your city.
If your husband wants to donate, he can donate.
She is an abusive Mom. Her behaviour to her child is horrific.
This warrants cps getting involved.
NTA. But a lift for back pain? I’ve heard of reduction for back pain. But sil is a psycho.
You are aware she was never entitled to your money in the first place.
Your husband sounds toxic and obviously so does the SIL. Who burns a child’s toy while they watch? Sus behavior.
NTA.
Jeez. It’s not a toy. It’s a tiny kid’s favorite thing! OVER COOKIES?? And she fucking FILMED IT???
Not the asshole!
NTA if she complains tell her you will save it for her daughter’s therapy bills because if she burns a doll over cookies she is going to do worse as her kid gets older.
That’s such a cruel thing to do to a six year old. Traumatising. Poor child.
Sick.
NTA. Her body is not your responsibility. And watching a parent intentionally destroy your toys is psychologically damaging, that is going to affect that poor girl for the rest of her life. If you can still buy that same Barbie doll I would use the $50 you would have sent on SIL to to buy her a new doll, or take her shopping to let her pick out a new one, and you’ll still have money left over.
Only a cruel and hateful person would do something like this to a 6 year old. This is not parenting, it’s abuse. That Barbie was more than just a toy, it was her favorite toy. SIL deserves to have back pain – she seems to be a pain.
Your husband is just as bad. I guess the next time he ticks you off you should light his car on fire. After all, it’s just a stupid car.
is it even worth surgeons time to make that an absolute pice of trash s life more comfortable? I don’t think so…
Can you rescind what you’ve already given, because do that.
What a fantastic way to make your child hate you in adulthood.
NTA, sil is cruel.
The fact that your husband is ok with this is alarming. I’d reconsider having children with this man. Hell, I’d reconsider being married to this man. What she did is abusive, and your husband is okay with the abuse.
A 6 year old… ate the cookies. So her mom put her Barbie on the barbie? That’s insane
Stop donating. Use the money to buy her the same barbie and keep it at your place
NTA stash those donations away for your niece to escape her evil ass mother when she’s older- or at least to help her with her therapy bills. This was beyond cruel and into life lasting damage territory.
Once after my son somewhat recklessly broke an expensive piece of camera gear, in anger I grabbed one of his toys and snapped it in half. In that moment I saw how much fear and pain it caused him. And it is one of the biggest regrets of my life as a parent. I feel like I’ve spent every day of our life together making up for that moment of genuine trauma I caused him.
I regretted it the second I did it, and the thought of celebrating that on instagram feels monstrous.
NTA
SIL is evil bitch. Who the heck burns their child’s toy as punishment? Oh wait, evil bitches do. The mental harm she has done may never be undone. A more fitting punishment would be to take the toy away for the night (she IS only 6).
You husband is TA for siding w/ SIL.
OP, save your money. Buy niece a new Barbie w/ accessories & maybe a My Little Pony or 3.
Your SIL sounds a lot like someone I know [& we no longer speak bcuz she is also an evil bitch.]
If your husband wants to support SIL, let him w/ his $ he’s made after he has paid his bills, contributed to yours & his household, and of you have kids, make sure your children’s needs are met.
Is there a Daddy in the niece’s life? If yes, does he know what SIL has done?
OP, you’re NTA. You seem to care more for your niece than SIL & maybe your husband. I’m sorry your niece has to live w/ her mom.
NTA. That was unbelievably cruel of her. I hope her boobs double in size.
Your husband is a fuckwit. It’s not about the toy, she destroyed a piece of her daughter’s soul. My father set fire to my favorite doll because I put it inside a purse. He said he was going to burn it since I didn’t care that it couldn’t breathe inside the purse. Even at the age of six I knew dolls didn’t breathe and that my father was an asshole. But it felt like I was on fire as I watched my doll burn. I remember screaming and screaming while he laughed. I’d turn that bitch in to CPS if I were you. NTA.
NTA. She just completely traumatised her 6 year old in an awful, cruel way. That child will never forget this.
$200 a month is very generous, you’ve donated more than enough already.
I had a friend whose mom destroyed his favorite thing once, a blanket. It was because she told him that if he ever played with matches, then there would be a severe consequence.
He got caught playing with matches at around 5 years old, so his mom had him get out his blanket, and they used the matches to light it on fire. He said he never played with matches again.
This was in response of something truly dangerous, not eating too many cookies. An appropriate punishment for eating too many cookies is no dessert for a week. Not burning your child’s favorite toy.
Yeah, I would stop donating too. NTA
And the child’s mental and emotional health is worth more then a grown adults tantrum over cookies
I get it as a mom
Of 4 it’s annoying and aggravating as heck to have the kids eat what you worked hard to enjoy, but burning a favorite toy is crus punishment
You know she was scamming you, right? If she medically required a breast lift for pain that was severe enough to be interfering with her day to day life, her health insurance would cover it or she needs to get better health insurance. If she has even moderately decent health insurance and they aren’t paying for it, she is just scamming her family into buying her perkier boobs.
But no matter what, to hell with her. She deserves to be in pain if she’s going to emotionally torture a six year old.
NTA. This isn’t really about the toy (and even if it was, it’s not just some random toy that broke accidentally). This is about your SIL being intentionally cruel to a 6yo for eating some cookies. That’s abusive behavior, destroying something so special to her young child specifically to hurt her out of anger and spite.
I’ve seen so many posts on different platforms over the years from adults trying to replace special childhood toys because their caregivers did this kind of thing when they were children. It’s always heartbreaking, and those adults are nearly always no contact with whoever destroyed or otherwise got rid of their toy (because, again, it’s never really about the toy in those situations).
I hope your SIL enjoys her daughter not speaking to her when she’s older.
The daughter will never forget about the doll being burned. When she’s old enough to revisit and review that event, it will cause resentment and will be one of the reason for her to abandon the mother.
That little girl will remember her doll being burned up for the rest of her life (or she won’t because she is already so traumatized!). That is awful!
In regards to her surgery – a breast reduction moves out of cosmetic surgery to medically necessary due to pain. Might take some insurance wrangling but some or all should be covered if she can get her doctor to provide justification.
Even still – not a coin would I give!
NTA
Do not ever have children with that cruel & horrible man you call a husband. Never donate to your sister again. Consider calling CPS on your sister. Moms who film themselves destroying their children’s toys are abusive & she is inflicting psychological abuse on her child.
You are not the bad one, you deserve pain forever for being a bad person, that is not done to a child, it can be considered abuse.
While her body might be worth more than the toy that was destroyed. It is not worth more than the mental and emotional trauma. She just subjected her daughter to. It doesn’t matter how many cookies her daughter ate. That was an extreme escalation and completely illogical consequence. She as a parent should have been monitoring the cookies. They should have been put up where the child couldn’t get them or the child shouldn’t have been left alone with unsupervised access to the cookies. All this poor little girl learned is that her Mom values cookies more than her.
NTA, why would you fund anything for this malicious, cruel mother?
Burning her doll because she ate some biscuits is cruel. Posting it is psychotic.
She’s blocked you do there’s no need to donate or speak to her.
I hope that’s the worst she’s done bit I doubt it.
Updateme
Nta. She 100% did it for the views. Disgusting.
That’s really mean of her to do to her daughter. Just for eating all the cookies. That’s terrible
The sad part is, it was probably for the likes.
That poor child. She will forever remember that.
NTA.
Just a side question for OP. If SIL’s surgery is medically necessary to relieve her severe back pain, insurance will (should) cover the procedure. Unsure why is she collecting money from family? Is it to help cover the copay? If the procedure is elective, then yes, it would be a private pay scenario. I’m honestly just curious. No judgement here.
HELL NO, NO MONEY FOR THAT EVIL B1TCH!!!! TAKE BACK WHAT YOU DONATED TOO!!!!
REPORT HER TO CPS /CFS FOR CHILD ABUSE BECAUSE THAT IS PURE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL ABUSE!!!
MAKE A COPY OF THE VIDEO TO TAKE WITH YOU AND I AM SURE HER MOMMA HAS DONE STUFF TO HER BEFORE BECAUSE YOU DON’T GO BAT SHIT CRAZY OUT OF NO WHERE, THERE WAS ABUSE LEADING UP TO THIS AND IT IS NOT OK!!!!!
THEN TAKE THAT LITTLE GIRL SHOPPING FOR SOME SECRET BARBIES!
NTA, SIL us cruel, her daughter WILL remember this many years to come, her mother us supposed to be her safe place not someone who us cruel, and fir her to video it and post it ugh. I hope you’re ok with your husband thinking this cruel behaviour is ok, I’d gave words with him, none would be nice I’m afraid. Plus HE can donate the $59 that you used to now, and not from funds you both put in either.
NTA and I think you and your husband need to talk about what discipline and consequences were like during his childhood. If he doesn’t think that was bad, I suspect there were pretty awful aspects of his childhood that he thinks are normal. Counseling may be in order, especially if you two plan on having children or already have them.
NTA. What kind of a parent would do such a cruel thing?
All I can say is, “She sure deserves Saggy tits, and I hope they get all dusty from dragging on the ground.”
N T A.
Nta and anyone siding with this abusive mother absolutely is. If she is doing this on video as a brag what is she doing when no one’s looking? My abusive bio-mother would pull this crap and was even more cruel when people weren’t looking… Much more than mental harm was done.
She wants to abuse her kid then she can deal with the pain her body inflicts on her.
NTA- make a fund for that little girls therapy instead.
SIL is some kind of unhinged monster. Her kid ate all the cookies, which is a compliment to how good they were. However, it was a teaching moment to explain moderation and nutrition.
Nooooo, SIL takes her daughter’s comfort toy and proceeds to burn it up in front of her daughter – why? Because she wanted her daughter to see what insanity looks like up close. Not enough for her daughter to see it, she takes a video and uploads it for the world to see…
How does her own husband sleep next to her? With one eye open??
If you can afford to put some money away every paycheck, or every month, I’d consider putting it aside for your niece. Into a college savings account, a get out of dodge when you’re 18 account, a help for therapy bills account. Whatever. Because a mom like that isn’t likely to leave her much financial support she hits 18.
Jesus, it’s hard for AI to come up with anything REALISTIC, an account that was started TODAY. 44 KARMA. C’mon. You guys need to try harder. She ate all the cookies so she filmed herself burning her barbie? Right. Sounds like a lie a six year old would concoct.
>He thinks her body is worth more than the toy she destroyed
That is absolutely disturbing. This is such a red flag.
Wow, that’s incredibly messed up. Nta all the way.
NTA. Your SIL is a despicable human being, burning the doll was bad enough, videoing it and posting it was abusive behavior.
This is a sign of abuse. You should only use consequences proportional to the misdeed. Its abusive parents who do this type of vindictive shit. Watch out for other stuff I bet that its there.
she’s gonna be wondering why that kid goes NC as soon as she’s old enough to get away from her. NTA
Are you sure she’s not scamming people? A breast lift is not a medically necessary surgery. She likely wants it done for aesthetics. If it is truly a medically necessary breast reduction, that is almost always covered by insurance.
The emotional trauma she inflicted on her child is horrifying. Does she have an eating disorder? I mean destroying your child’s trust and mental health over some cookies is pretty wild.
Next time hubby does anything that upsets you, destroy something he cares about. All of a sudden it’s gonna be an over reaction and unnecessary.
NTA. SIL body is not worth the emotion trauma that little girl went through watching her mum burn her favourite toy. That’s not consequences, that’s cruelty. Then on top of that to film and post it, humiliating. Fuck that noise.
It’s not the toy itself; it’s the cruelty!!! What she did to her little girl was unspeakably cruel!!!! There’s no excuse for that!!!
Start saving that money for the child’s therapy!
So my opinion on discipline is that the punishment should be related to the crime. You ate all the cookies I baked? You’re already gonna have a doozie of a belly ache, but you also don’t get any of the next thing I bake. Maybe we’re going to remake them for whatever I made them for together but you don’t get to have any more. You break something? You need to fix it or repay with your own money/labor. Don’t eat all your dinner? You don’t have to eat it now, but if you’re too full for a healthy dinner made with what you hate and love to eat in mind, you’re too full for dessert. That last one really isn’t a “crime” obviously but it goes in the cause/effect category. Even if she did something that could be related to her favorite doll, like she purposely broke another kid’s toy or something, I would say it could be taken away for x amount of time or until she replace it for them. Something like that. If the discipline/course of action doesn’t match the concern at hand they’re not learning anything except you’re cruel and randomly unreasonable. My husband threw away our (18 months old at the time) son’s stuffed Mickey Mouse he took everywhere with him and slept with because he brought it to the table when it was time to eat instead of leaving it in his room or on the floor while he ate. He was devastated and learned dad’s just mean and began to distance himself. It’s like he didn’t understand why he threw it away because he didn’t even know that he wasn’t supposed to bring it to the table. I think he just should have made him take it back in his room and leave it on the bed til he ate. It wasn’t even a rule we had at the time, he just was recently upset his boy was carrying around a “doll” everywhere he went and didn’t want him to be a wuss. He’s never had anything he cares about very much ever since, like he thinks his dad will just throw it away if he gets too attached. It’s not discipline it’s just abuse I think.
All this to say I don’t think you’re an ass. Of course it’s up to her to discipline her kid as she sees fit but I think it’s out of line and cruel
Breast lifts don’t fix back pain? You have the same amount of breast tissue/weight. Reductions do reduce strain and pain. Or so said my cousin who had a massive chest and serious reduction surgery. She says lifts are cosmetic, for looks. I was never so blessed, so I’m not positive. However as a nurse, the only patients I have known with breast surgery for back pain had reductions.
UpDateMe!
That is abusive. Children sneak cookies all the time. It’s normal, age-appropriate behavior. You don’t burn their most beloved possession and post it online as a form of public shaming. That’s not discipline, it’s cruelty.
You can always bake or buy more cookies. You can’t replace a deeply cherished toy, or the trust and safety a child feels in their home. That kind of punishment is traumatizing, not educational.
Frankly, your SIL’s behavior is not just “too extreme.” It is a serious red flag. Destroying something her child clearly loved, filming it while the child screamed, and then posting it with a smug caption? That’s not about teaching consequences. That’s about control and humiliation.
Her body and medical needs do not outweigh her child’s emotional wellbeing. This is no longer about money. It’s about values. And if someone shows that little empathy toward their own child, it is completely valid to withdraw your support.
If you still have the video, I would encourage you to report it to CPS. A child crying over a destroyed toy might not seem like much to some, but it signals a deeper issue: a parent who uses psychological harm as punishment and feels no remorse.
You did the right thing. And if your husband can’t see how wrong this was, he may need a wake-up call of his own.
NTA
So many levels of messed up here. Oh, your husband is an ass.
NTA I’d try to get my money back! F her. I hope she never gets the money & her back hurts until the day she dies. Anyone who agrees with her is insane! This is so abusive.
NTA
Why should you care about that woman’s pain and suffering and why should you pay to fix that for her when she is deliberately inflicting pain and suffering with no intention of fixing it for her daughter ?
And your husband is an enabling ass hat
Id rethink your husband at this point. Leave him.
What a nasty heartless bitch. Who does that. I’d rather burn the 50 a week than give it to her
NTA Get your money and save for your niece’s therapy
Nope. Nta. Your sil is a tw*t. That punishment definitely did not fit the crime. Do not give her another dime, and buy the kid a new Barbie.
NTA. Don’t donate. 1. It’s not your relatives, you don’t owe her anything. 2. Health is important? Right. So is the mental health of a 6yo.
This is so cruel, broke my heart. Send it to CPS.
Shit. That’s a lifelong trauma right there. The emotional investment kids have in their favorite toy, no one should mess with that. Nta.
That is absolutely monstrous behavior…. psychopath level.
NTA
Your husband is just as guilty. NTA.
I genuinely need to know, why do you need a Brest lift for your back?
This has gotta be AI? First up medical insurance covers a breast lift if there is legitimate correlation to it causing back pain. Sounds like it’s just a regular boob job and she’s scamming you all with a sob story to pay for her shallowness.
my aunt was this kind of mom and she reared the most disgusting excuse for a woman I have ever had the unfortunateness of knowing let alone being related to. just saying.
The fact that she filmed her daughter in emotional distress and posted it on insta for the world to see is the biggest asshat move ever. It’s like those videos a few years ago where mom’s were smashing eggs on kids heads and filming it, or using scary filters. Why would you do that. Do not donate, show your husband the video and ask him if he’s really ok with that treatment. If he is, I hope you don’t have or plan to have kids with this man.
What does SIL do to the child that’s NOT recorded for the world to see? This is such an extreme reaction over cookies. What does she do when kiddo actually does something that requires legitimate discipline?
Burning toys sounds so unhinged to me.
I hope her oversized boobs make her back hurt more than usual.
NTA