I (35 F) have been married to (30 M) for just over a year now, but together for 3 years.
Before we got married, we went on dates, had conversations, but then he decided to start his own business and I was fine with it all. The dates became once a month, we talk 30mins before I am about to go to bed and he hasn’t slept in the same bed as me just before getting married.
I understand that a lot of time is involved setting up a business and getting it running, but I feel like there is no effort with me, I am the one asking to go out, I do all the cooking, grocery shopping and cleaning, I pay for the mortgage, while he pays for some bills.
Things for his business are going well, but it’s taking a lot of his time and energy, and I know there’s not much time for me. Even when we do go out, we talk about his work, and half the time he’s pre occupied with work (on the phone answering emails or messages). I have spoken to him about this before, and even though the words from his mouth says he’ll put more effort in, his actions are different.
I had asked him if we could do a journey board together and he said no. I feel like we are on different time frames and paths, and I often do things alone, as I don’t want him not being around stopping me from enjoying things I want to do in life.
I have brought up wanting to do more together, but nothing ever happens. This makes me wonder if I was always meant to be alone in life? And would I be happier alone?
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You’re being taken for granted, you have a dead bedroom situation, no affection, no time together at all and his mind is always somewhere else. Are you tied up in a mortgage? Have you got enough money to safely leave and a place you can go to? Maybe go stay with your parents and take a break whist you decide if the marriage is worth holding onto anymore.
Leave him
I always tell people the top priorities in life are in the order below:
Your personal health: Without this one is no good to their spouse or family.
Your immediate family: Without this one’s marriage will fail and the family will be harmed.
Your job: Yes, out in 3rd place on the priority list is the job. While important, they shouldn’t negatively impact oneself, the spouse or family.
Your feelings of loneliness and loss of unity are valid. Such a crash course for success could come to an end if the family doesn’t thrive and endure the journey to success. If he cannot grasp the importance of these priorities you may need to find a new life partner.