My best friend, Gina (22F), of 5 years just lashed out at me (23F). For context, we met in our senior year of high school, and went to college together as roommates. We never really had big fights, only small quarrels that were later solved. What we did have were deep and personal talks, as any two girls do, including our insecurities. Now, I’m objectively a small person (4’10/148cm) and she is a bit taller than the average girl (5’9). We never let this come between us before, instead made jokes about it all the time. I thought we were all good about it. But things changed when Gina met her new boyfriend, Jason. He’s of average height, maybe 5’10, and they seemed super happy together, she could not stop gushing about how great he was. That was until she came back for a formal event with him and started complaining to me about how in heels she was taller than him and she ‘felt weird’. I initially comforted her, as I don’t believe in judging/being ashamed of height, being of mine, but these complaints kept on coming. It started small, like the heels, but then she started making small remarks to his face which I thought was really wrong. I told her this in private, and she agreed she was projecting her insecurities. I thought everything would stop, but a few weeks later, I was struggling to reach something high up while she was in the room watching, and as I grabbed a chair to stand on, she told me that she couldn’t imagine being a midget like me. Now, I said this before and I’ll say it again–we did used to make jokes about our height quite frequently especially when we met, so it wasn’t uncommon. However, this time, she had a venom in her voice that didn’t quite match the kind smile on her face. I ignored it and moved on. However, she kept on making these small jabs at me, which I brushed off because she had been going through a rough patch with Jason recently. I laughed them off, which looking back probably just encouraged this behavior. But a week ago, I was at her place and she said something again, to which I just started being fed up and told her in a polite tone that I didn’t like her speaking like that to me. Instead of admitting her mistake, she raised her voice and told me that she didn’t know I was so sensitive. At this point I felt very annoyed, and I raised my voice back and said that she was just being impolite and rude. Then she started crying, which immediately made me feel guilty, because she was talking about how before we met she was bullied relentlessly about her height. Gina told me that beauty influencers on Instagram had made her feel ‘not feminine enough’ and being next to me was physically painful.
Now we haven’t talked in days and I feel really guilty, because looking back, there were some comments I made in high school that could have impacted her. I don’t know at this point. AITA?
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My best friend, Gina (22F), of 5 years just lashed out at me (23F). For context, we met in our senior year of high school, and went to college together as roommates. We never really had big fights, only small quarrels that were later solved. What we did have were deep and personal talks, as any two girls do, including our insecurities. Now, I’m objectively a small person (4’10/148cm) and she is a bit taller than the average girl (5’9). We never let this come between us before, instead made jokes about it all the time. I thought we were all good about it. But things changed when Gina met her new boyfriend, Jason. He’s of average height, maybe 5’10, and they seemed super happy together, she could not stop gushing about how great he was. That was until she came back for a formal event with him and started complaining to me about how in heels she was taller than him and she ‘felt weird’. I initially comforted her, as I don’t believe in judging/being ashamed of height, being of mine, but these complaints kept on coming. It started small, like the heels, but then she started making small remarks to his face which I thought was really wrong. I told her this in private, and she agreed she was projecting her insecurities. I thought everything would stop, but a few weeks later, I was struggling to reach something high up while she was in the room watching, and as I grabbed a chair to stand on, she told me that she couldn’t imagine being a midget like me. Now, I said this before and I’ll say it again–we did used to make jokes about our height quite frequently especially when we met, so it wasn’t uncommon. However, this time, she had a venom in her voice that didn’t quite match the kind smile on her face. I ignored it and moved on. However, she kept on making these small jabs at me, which I brushed off because she had been going through a rough patch with Jason recently. I laughed them off, which looking back probably just encouraged this behavior. But a week ago, I was at her place and she said something again, to which I just started being fed up and told her in a polite tone that I didn’t like her speaking like that to me. Instead of admitting her mistake, she raised her voice and told me that she didn’t know I was so sensitive. At this point I felt very annoyed, and I raised my voice back and said that she was just being impolite and rude. Then she started crying, which immediately made me feel guilty, because she was talking about how before we met she was bullied relentlessly about her height. Gina told me that beauty influencers on Instagram had made her feel ‘not feminine enough’ and being next to me was physically painful.
Now we haven’t talked in days and I feel really guilty, because looking back, there were some comments I made in high school that could have impacted her. I don’t know at this point. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I ignored/didn’t realise my friend’s feelings and said things to her that were rather harsh. This could make me the asshole because I was maybe kinda shallow and not considerate enough of her feelings.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Everyone has insecurities, but that doesn’t give anyone the right to disrespect their friends. A real friend won’t tear you down to build themselves up.
NTA, it sounds like while you may be the shorter of the two she is the one that has some growing up to do.
ESH! No rhyme no reason to it! Some friendships aren’t just meant to be
NTA. To sum up your post you guys had friendly banter which went both ways. You noticed a shift and her comments started feeling more like bullying. You told her what you were feeling, her response was to call you sensitive and invalidate your feelings. When you didn’t back down, she starts crying about something that happened in highschool, which you both did, and now she’s the victim? Don’t fall for it OP.
A good friend would not call you too sensitive when you tell them you don’t find the banter funny anymore. They would say sorry, or that they didn’t mean to hurt you, and stop it. And if she was feeling the same, she could’ve said that as well, and you could use that to have empaty for eachother.
She can dish it, but she can’t take it. NTA
NTA, she turned on the waterworks to manipulate you when you didn’t back down and take her shit like normal. Everyone has things they’re insecure about. Most people keep those insecurities to themselves or work on them, they don’t take them out on friends and family. She needs to grow up and work on herself.
NTA. Having been bullied before doesn’t give her license to bully other people now. Remind her that bullying is bad, yeah?