Context: My husband (47m) and I (44f) both get our salaries paid into our own accounts and have a separate account for joint things, like household expenses, trips together, and so on. We contribute to that 50-50. We cover our own personal costs.
My husband makes about $ 600 more a month than I do, I have a company car. However, the car I chose is above the company’s base budget (bc I work part-time I don’t get the full budget), so I pay a significant amount out of my paycheck each month to drive it: about $1000
a month comes out of my salary for it, about ⅙ of my salary after taxes. This was a conscious choice I made before we moved in together & got married.
My husband has his own car and pays for his fuel, insurance, etc. His monthly costs for his car are approximately half of mine.
Note: whenever we go somewhere together, we always take my car and I drive 9/10 times because “he doesn’t like driving, especially by night”.
Now here’s the issue:
I usually work from home. My husband often asks to use my car eg. to drive to work or for longer solo trips, like driving his kid somewhere. Obviously, it saves him gas money. He says “It doesn’t cost you anything extra if I take it over it just sitting there.” He’s technically not wrong: it doesn’t cost me more. But it still feels off.
What bothers me is that he benefits from a car that I pay a lot for, but he doesn’t contribute anything to those costs. I know these things are normal in marriage, you share benefits, but it really feels I’m the only one bringing such benefits into the marriage. And I know it’s impossible to even things out equally, but this doesn’t feel right.
Also, it’s a practical nuisance sometimes. When he has my car and I need to go somewhere during the day (eg. short errands), I have to take his car instead. And frankly, I hate driving it. It’s old and uncomfortable. He says I’m always free to take his if I need to, but it doesn’t feel like an even trade. I’m giving up a car I pay heavily for to drive one I wouldn’t ever choose for myself.
He doesn’t just take it or demands it, he asks for it. He doesn’t act entitled, but when I tell him no, he gets that look, like I’m being petty or selfish for not sharing. And this makes me doubt myself, so here I am.
I’m not trying to nickel-and-dime him or be possessive, but it feels unfair that I pay a lot for a car I chose for myself and he gets to use it whenever it’s convenient for him without contributing anything.
I discussed this with a friend and she says I’m not being petty, what I’m feeling is an imbalance between what I give and what I get back. And while that does resonate with me, I can’t help feeling guilty for not unconditionally giving. A little voice in my head says I should, because he’s my husband, but I feel like I’m giving too much and he isn’t giving enough.
So, AITA for saying no when he asks to take my car?
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Context: My husband (47m) and I (44f) both get our salaries paid into our own accounts and have a separate account for joint things, like household expenses, trips together, and so on. We contribute to that 50-50. We cover our own personal costs.
My husband makes about $ 600 more a month than I do, I have a company car. However, the car I chose is above the company’s base budget (bc I work part-time I don’t get the full budget), so I pay a significant amount out of my paycheck each month to drive it: about $1000
a month comes out of my salary for it, about ⅙ of my salary after taxes. This was a conscious choice I made before we moved in together & got married.
My husband has his own car and pays for his fuel, insurance, etc. His monthly costs for his car are approximately half of mine.
Note: whenever we go somewhere together, we always take my car and I drive 9/10 times because “he doesn’t like driving, especially by night”.
Now here’s the issue:
I usually work from home. My husband often asks to use my car eg. to drive to work or for longer solo trips, like driving his kid somewhere. Obviously, it saves him gas money. He says “It doesn’t cost you anything extra if I take it over it just sitting there.” He’s technically not wrong: it doesn’t cost me more. But it still feels off.
What bothers me is that he benefits from a car that I pay a lot for, but he doesn’t contribute anything to those costs. I know these things are normal in marriage, you share benefits, but it really feels I’m the only one bringing such benefits into the marriage. And I know it’s impossible to even things out equally, but this doesn’t feel right.
Also, it’s a practical nuisance sometimes. When he has my car and I need to go somewhere during the day (eg. short errands), I have to take his car instead. And frankly, I hate driving it. It’s old and uncomfortable. He says I’m always free to take his if I need to, but it doesn’t feel like an even trade. I’m giving up a car I pay heavily for to drive one I wouldn’t ever choose for myself.
He doesn’t just take it or demands it, he asks for it. He doesn’t act entitled, but when I tell him no, he gets that look, like I’m being petty or selfish for not sharing. And this makes me doubt myself, so here I am.
I’m not trying to nickel-and-dime him or be possessive, but it feels unfair that I pay a lot for a car I chose for myself and he gets to use it whenever it’s convenient for him without contributing anything.
I discussed this with a friend and she says I’m not being petty, what I’m feeling is an imbalance between what I give and what I get back. And while that does resonate with me, I can’t help feeling guilty for not unconditionally giving. A little voice in my head says I should, because he’s my husband, but I feel like I’m giving too much and he isn’t giving enough.
So, AITA for saying no when he asks to take my car?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My husband doesn’t contribute to my car and has his own car, but my car’s gas is paid by my company so he often wants to take my car to save himself gas money. I think I might be the asshole because it’s unfair or petty to say no, when I don’t need my car that day.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA.
He can drive his own car. If he doesn’t like that because his car is shitty, he can get himself a better car.
INFO:
It’s your company’s car. Is he allowed to drive it? Insured on it? What happens if there’s an accident while he’s driving it? Will the insurance cover it, or will your company get upset that someone other than you was using it for their personal needs?
NTA, but does the company you work for allow him to drive their car? I had a van in one of my jobs and I was the ONLY person allowed to drive it. They even frowned on non employees being in the van.
When he asks say “no I will need it today”. Every time.
What about the liability if your husband wrecks the family car. Who is on the hook for the damages?
No, you are right to not let him drive it. If he has an accident while driving it, you could lose your job for letting him drive the car while you’re not present. Also, if he wants to drive it then he should cover part of the monthly cost. If would be different if it was completely free for you, but it’s costing you more than what he pays for his car.
it feels like a bad decision to spend 1k per month on a company car unless its something you’ll own someday? is it a rental forever situation?
You say it doesn’t cost you extra, is your work paying for gas?
Do you have shared finances?
Do you actually like and respect him?
do you have a transactional relationship where you always nickel and dime each other?
INFO: is he even allowed to drive a company car, when he doesn’t even work for that company?
You’re spending 1/6th your income on a car you don’t own.
How bad are the default cars?
Not the AH. you are paying the extra for a better car yet he wants the benefit of it. Why doesn’t he just buy a newer car? Have you ever looked into the insurance? I ask because some company car insurance will state that family members are excluded from coverage and some companies will not allow family members to drive it.
ESH. A married couple is a single economic unit, or it’s not a marriage. All funds flow into the unit’s account and are commingled. The unit decides on expenditures, savings, and personal allowances. Otherwise you have a partnership.
If your employer owns the car it’s an insurance issue
NTA. Your husband has a fully-functional car that he chose, and has access to at all times. You have a (better) car that you chose and you and your EMPLOYER pay for. You simply need to tell him that 1: you can’t misuse a COMPANY resource like that and 2: It’s YOURS to use as you please, and even the off chance you may want to run an errand mid day means it stays there for your exclusive use. He makes more money anyway, so he can afford to upgrade from his lil hoopty.
NTA, but I’m trying to understand why you’re paying an extra $1000/month for a company car that you barely use when you work part time from home?
Why are you spending so much money on a car that you personally don’t use much? I’m not talking about the family usage; I’m talking about for work.
Who’s responsible if he gets in an accident?
Company allows other drivers?
Is it started on the contract/agreement that it can be used for other things than company business?
INFO:
>My husband has his own car and pays for his fuel, insurance, etc. His monthly costs for his car are approximately half of mine.
Have you looked into getting rid of the company car and getting your own car? This company car sounds expensive. If your husband has a car and is only paying half of what you pay for this “benefit”, why don’t you look into doing the same thing?
Updateme
Hard rule, if they are not on your insurance for the car, they don’t drive it ever for any reason less than someone dying.
If your employer owns the car, you’re foolish to let him drive it at all. I had a coworker who let her bf drive her company vehicle and it got totaled it a wreck while he was behind the wheel. She lost her job and got sued. This is really fucking dumb. ESH.
Stop reading when you said the company car cost you $1000 a month… How, Why??? That would be a car payment and insurance if you owned the car so how in the word if the company is paying most of the cost is it this expensive??
Going to read more now
Okay so NTA it is “your” car and you can say how it is used. But I would get a cheaper car though the company especially if you don’t use it often, then you would have more money in your pocket.
Edited to say I misread the 1/6 a month part the first read. My mind read it as she is pay 1/6 of the vehicle cost when it reaf 1/6 of her pay.
Does your husband also work for the same company?
Why is a company vehicle that you’re paying way too much on a benefit to you?
Company car may be used incorrectly either as a language or cultural difference.
This sounds like a vehicle the company provides for your use for company business.
Most people would consider a company car one that is marked multiple locations with the company logo or wrapped.
Please clarify
When I had a company car, I was the only one legally allowed to drive it (apart from other company employees.)
INFO – Who actually owns your car? Your company? And you are paying $1000 a month to use it, even though you don’t own it?
Wouldn’t you lose your job if they found out? Seems like inappropriate use of company resources.
NTA key words company car. You can be fired if there’s an accident and you’re not in it. The answer going forward is NO. The immediate conversation is this is a company car and you will no longer use it unless I’m in it. Discuss how he can work towards getting a new car if he wants to do that. Discuss meaning his plan on how he will solely be responsible for purchasing a newer/different car.
Question… it’s a company car. Can he even drive it? What if he would get into an accident? Are you the only one on the insurance? That could cause a MAJOR issue with your work and you could be held financially liable. You should really look into what is and isn’t ok because usually no one besides the employee assigned to the vehicle can drive it.
Who the fuck wastes $1k a month on a COMPANY car that you won’t own (and rarely drive)?
On top of that, it sounds like you nickel-and dime each other about who brings what to the relationship. Grow up.
You could be putting $1k a month into a savings for literally anything else. At the end of the year, that’s a “free” vacation or a diamond bracelet for you or a healthy extra savings compared to what you have now.
ESH
Stop referring to it as your car. It’s your employer’s car, not yours. He is not allowed to drive it. NTA.
NTA,
OP pull out your contract. There’s almost certainly restrictions on other parties especially people not employed by the company driving your company car. If he has an accident it will be an insurance and logistical nightmare.
Secondly, time to reassess having the company car. Unless you’re locked into a contract, it may be time to consider shopping for a cheap car you own outright, it’ll probably cost less, especially if you find a decent second hand one. Seriously if you’ve had it since before covid and are paying a thousand a month, that’s easily 60K you’ve spent on a vehicle you presumably do not own. Even a brand new car payment would probably be less. (Though I’d chose something second hand since you don’t use it as much, and hubby’s habit of trying to co-opt your car may continue).
NTA because it’s an insurance issue, and also how does it save gas if you have to fill up the tank. Is gas included in that thousand bucks a month you pay for it? BTW, two other comments: first, your company-subsidized car still costs you $1K a month? What is it—a McLaren? Second, you don’t have a husband, you have a roommate. You reference “his kid” not “my stepson” etc., and the financial split, etc., and these things point to roommate, not spouse.
ESH
Your husband is the asshole for not paying bills proportional to his salary since he earns more
YTA for wasting all that money on a car. Just buy a second hand car outright
YTA for paying over $1k a month for a company vehicle.
NTA. Unless his car no longer works, he should drive his car. Even if he has to pay the fuel.
Side note, it does feel like tit for tat though. It sounds like youre keeping scores.
INFO: why are you paying so much for a company car?! I imagine you can lease or finance your own REALLY nice car for that much money.
But also NTA. Your husband shouldn’t be driving your company car in any case. But it sounds like he drives it just because he likes it better than his car, and leaves you with his crappy car instead.
Just tell him if he wants to drive it he has to cover the maintenance and petrol equivalent costs and put it towards your 1k payment.
Edit
Buy a car you are wasting so much for no permanent reward.
This is not about a car. This is about two people who are married and keep a balance sheet on who owes what and who paid more or less. Don’t worry about spending money on the car. Find a good therapist for yourself or for couples counseling, and get to the real issues. Good luck.
NTA here’s a great question: if he’s driving and the cause of a traffic accident is he covered by the insurance? If he’s not explicitly named, most insurance agencies would not cover a co-resident of the house, though they may still cover it if you let a non resident borrow it for a week
Liability is a big issue that can end up costing you and him millions. If he’s not on the insurance, then he shouldn’t be driving, period.
Also who the heck pays $12k a year for a company car? What are you driving like a BMW? That’s fucking insane. Go buy like a recent pre owned Honda or prius and save a lot of money, especially if you don’t use it a lot. But waste your money however your see fit.
A company car perk shouldn’t put you 1k in the hole – what kind of scam are they running
$1,000/month?! You could buy your own nice car for that much money!
NTA – don’t let him drive it.
YTA for caving and allowing him to drive the company car. If he gets into an accident, the company’s insurance will deny it because he’s not an approved driver. If the company finds out you’re allowing him to drive the car, they could take it away and/or fire you. If your husband wants to drive a “nicer” car, then he should sell or trade in his and buy the car he prefers.
Also, why the hell are you paying $1000 per month for a car that you do not own and rarely drive? If you had bought the car yourself, it would have been paid off by now and you could be saving that money.
You’re paying $1000 monthly for a company car… that’s enough money to buy a brand new mid-class vehicle for yourself.
So either your company conned you into paying for your own company car (in which case you’re NTA, just really gullible), or you convinced your company to buy you a luxury car that’s so pricey that you need to pay $1000 extra per month on top of what they already paid for. If it’s the 2nd scenario then any man worth his salt would understand not wanting anyone else to drive your dream car. You don’t spend that much on a vehicle only to have someone else make it their daily driver.
That said, I do need to ask: who really owns this car? If you leave the company, does this car go back to them or are you paying off some kind of pay-to-own deal from the company?
If it’s the former, then you might want to consider lending your car to your husband more. You do get free gas (I assume) so it will save both of you money in the long run as a couple. If it’s the latter then you really don’t want to lend him the car because you’ll just get unnecessary mileage on a vehicle that you might eventually own.
ESH – you’re NTA for being annoyed he’s driving your car when you need it for a little errand. I go stir crazy working from home and take a little trip out into the world everyday and half the enjoyment comes from the fact that I love my car.
However, a marriage is a single economic unit and the two of you should be on the same team to reevaluate your household financial priorities and car situation. Clearly the current car arrangement isn’t ideal but rather than being against each other, collaboratively problem-solve. For what you’re already spending ($1500/household) you could get rid of both cars and finance two new cars you both like to drive, actually are on a path to own, and fit your family’s needs.
Some of the issues appear to be the lack of an open, honest and clear understanding about the ‘company car’ (ownership and cost related things). After ‘correcting for company car costs’ it would seem you and your partner have about the same disposable income. Your husband is presuming the company is paying for all the car’s ownership and operational costs.
Your husband is easily guilt-tripping you into ‘permitting him to use the company car’, and can do so, because there are vague ambiguities and unconfirmed car-related issues.
Take that voice inside your head telling you to feel guilty and throw it away. It’s not a good voice. It’s wrong. Your husband is taking advantage of you and he’s using your emotions against you. Be clear with him from now on you each drive your own cars. That’s it. NTA
ESH
These types of marriages “transactional” never make any sense to me. No, that’s not a “normal” marriage, two people who care more about money got married and now think it has to be even everywhere. Good lord that sounds stressful. You suck because wow, and he sucks because wow.
Is this actually real?
There is a lot of information missing. Who holds title to the car? If your company does then it’s a liability to let him drive it. It’s also nuts to be paying that much for a car you don’t own and don’t drive often. If you own it do you have him insured on your policy?
Second issue is how do you handle the finances in the relationship? Do you split everything equally or fairly?
NTA. He has his own car to drive. It sounds like he doesn’t like his car very much, but that’s his choice. I would just tell him no.
Also, if he doesn’t even like his car, why is he so okay leaving it for you to drive whenever he needs to go somewhere? It’s not okay for him to drive when there’s a better option, but it’s okay to make sure it’s your only option?
YTA for making such a horrible financial decision. What kind of car costs $1K a month? Turn the car in and get something less expensive since you rarely drive it. If it is truly a company car, your husband is not covered by insurance driving it. That is your second horrible financial decision. How much would you need to pay out if he got in an accident & the car was totaled out?
YTA. You’re married! And why you wasting so much money on a company car?
INFO: Are you in an MLM?
Real simple, is he on the I surface? Because if no, then there shouldn’t even be a question here