Is this considered cheating?
My bf just told me yesterday that 5 days ago, he was horny and he was scrolling on his phone gallery. He found an old video of his ex moaning, opened it and he jerked off and finished to it.
Is this considered cheating?
He said sorry to me multiple times and he wasnt thinking properly at that time. He did feel guilty and it didnt cross his mind at that time that it is considered as cheating. He said he has no feelings towards his ex whatsoever, not in the slightest. He just happened to be horny at that time. He admitted that he is lacking self control at that time because of his horniness and promised me to change and wont do it again. He deleted the video and all data relating to his ex to avoid the same thing from happening again, all chats, pics, videos, everything. He promised me he would never do it again and he will control himself better.
I feel so disrespected.
He did this 5 days ago. He is bothered by it thats why he told me about it yesterday. He told me he regretted it. I am mad, yes, utterly disappointed and feel so disrespected. But I do appreciate him telling me about it.. He could have just hide it and I would never know.
Is this considered cheating? Should I leave him?
TL;DR My bf jerked off to his ex’s moaning and told me about it. Is this considered cheating and should I leave him?
Comments
Cheating is doing whatever you know your partner wouldn’t want you to do. Up to you if you think the relationship seems like it had the potential to continue in a healthy way or if you don’t see it working out
I don’t consider masturbation cheating. If you do then that’s a conversation you need to have with him.
Honestly if it happened to me I’d go ballistic. There are couples out there that watch p*rn together and they’re fine with it. But why didn’t he delete them before he started dating you? Tell him how you feel about it. Maybe consider breaking up (I would).
This is definitely something that depends on what You think is cheating. It would be a dealbreaker for me personally cuz why do you have a video of your ex moaning? it just wouldn’t make sense to me and i fear things would be so different after that..
It’s not really up to us, it’s up to you as to what you consider cheating.
What moron would tell his girlfriend that? Dump his ass. He’s too stupid for LTR
Why is he getting horny and can’t bring that feeling or his needs to you? Are you guys intimate at all? Or are you waiting?
It’s normal to get horny and nearly all men will watch porn. Some partners will consider this cheating and him watching an ex doesn’t make it easier. Thing is, have you two spoken about boundaries at all? Because he came to you feeling bad what he did and was honest. If he didn’t know you might consider this cheating I would learn from it and let this one go.
And address how you guys can be open and honest about sexual thoughts and intimacy going forward. I think it’s rather a learning experience so early in the relationship.
Honestly. If this is all that happened you’re fine. Confessing to something like this kind of shows good character. If he feels so much guilt over just having a wank alone then he’s probably unlikely to actually cheat.
There’s an argument that the impulse control could be concerning – but his actions after the fact to ensure it doesn’t happen again are good as it doesn’t give room for those impulses to take effect, practicing better impulse control in the future.
Rather than having the impulse, doing it, justifying it and hiding it which would make it easier to give into impulses in the future.
But from everything you say here it is so fine.
Just know, if you continue the relationship but still punish him for this by being mad for some time or bringing it up during arguments, then it’ll condition him to hide things in the future.
On the other hand if you commend him for his honesty and move forward then he has no motivation to hide things in the future.
Similarly if this cross your boundaries and you really think it’s cheating then you’re well within your right to break up (and always will be within in your right to break up over anything) – however since you’re asking for opinions, you’re fine – it’s not cheating in my eyes. Unsavory behavior at most, but acknowledged and rectified.
Cheating is a subjective concept. We commonly define it as “anything intimate you do or say with someone who is not your partner, and that your partner would feel betrayed about if they knew”.
I guess it applies to this case then?
He was obviously feeling guilty, that’s why he told you spontaneously, which is a good sign.
He knew that you would feel betrayed, but sometimes pulsions cannot be controlled…
Now, it’s up to you to decide what to do. He regrets, he’s honest and he’s ashamed. Can you forgive him?
I saw couples turning far worse situations into strong fondations for their relationship. Talking about fantasies, and especially what you and him could do together might be a good start?
Jerking off is fine, doing it to an ex is crossing a line. It being considered cheating is entirely up to you, but he did feel guilty and tell you about it and apologize. I’d just have him delete all of that kind of content of exes from his phone.
Very little masturbation related activity are cheating TO ME. Is it masturbation or is it because it’s his ex? If it’s the ex, have you spoken about this before? If not, still no cheating.
This is kind of a non issue to me.
I think the real issue here is that he seemingly keeps a lot of things from his ex. “Chats, pics, videos, everything”. I am absolutely someone who thinks that it’s unreasonable to basically erase part of your history by having to delete everything when you break up with someone, but not going through your phone and deleting all sexual videos and pictures once a relationship ends is… very icky. Very, very icky. Also most people I know do keep photos and the like, but put them away. Like, download them on something and put it away in a box instead of having everything on their phone all the time.
So honestly, to me, this problem is less that he didn’t think in a moment of horniness, but more that he has been keeping so much stuff of his ex available.
That’s kinda fucked. He should have deleted all that shit when they broke up. Hopefully there aren’t any videos of you two because he might keep them after you split.
I wouldn’t consider this cheating but it is fucking gross that he still had intimate videos of his ex & thought nothing of jerking off to her. Primarily I don’t see why he felt the need to tell you – it’s not your job to give him absolution for being kinda nasty. I would just be on the lookout for more “do first, ask forgiveness later” type of behaviour around sex and porn. Don’t police him, just watch. I don’t think it’s rocket science to realize your current girlfriend wouldn’t appreciate what he did, either the act or being told, so if you’re having to repeatedly handhold him through basic relationship behaviour it’s rarely worth it.