My partner (37M) and I (35F) have been together since 2010. We co-own our home and have a toddler who’s almost 2. We’ve been through a lot together and have built a life that’s very intertwined.
Recently, I overheard him mention getting another woman’s number a few years ago — something I didn’t know about, and something that happened well within the timeline of our relationship. It wasn’t framed as a confession, more like a casual comment while talking to a friend. There was laughter and a quick change of topic afterward, which made the whole thing feel even more unsettling.
It’s been hard to process. There’s no history of physical cheating (that I know of), but there have been patterns of emotional dismissal — times where I’ve brought up concerns and had them turned back on me, minimized, or made to feel like I was overreacting.
I haven’t confronted him about it yet. I’m scared of how he’ll react, and unsure how to even start the conversation. I’ve been feeling sick to my stomach, having trouble sleeping, and I keep going back and forth between doubting myself and feeling really betrayed.
What’s the best way to approach a conversation like this with a long-term partner — especially when there’s a history of defensiveness or emotional deflection?
I want to be clear and calm, but I’m also hurt and struggling with how much this has shaken me.
TL;DR: I’ve been with my partner for 15 years. He recently mentioned getting another woman’s number during our relationship. I haven’t confronted him yet and feel anxious, hurt, and unsure how to move forward. Looking for help on how to approach this kind of conversation given our history.