So here’s an update on everything that happened if anyone wants to read. After my husband went to his parents about 2 days later i got into a car wreck. My vehicle was totaled and due to my vehicle being totaled and me being hurt from the wreck i lost one of my 2 jobs. I tried calling my husband and telling him and he asked if i was ok. I told him i was hurt and that i really needed him to come home. He asked me if I got rid of the dog yet. I said no I was just in a car crash and he said “well if the dogs still there then im not coming back. Im sorry you got hurt but im not stepping into that house with the dog once you get rid of him then I’ll come help you and see you but remember I do love you thats not changing.” And hung up. Since I didn’t have my second job anymore and he quit his and left i couldn’t afford our apartment and had to move back in with my parents. I still had my other job so I was able to keep working with my legs injury. We ended up getting on the phone and we talked and decided that we were going to get a divorce.
Not of my choice but I didn’t want to argue anymore and I didn’t want to hurt him so I agreed. After 4 days he decided that he’s done moved on and didn’t love me like that anymore. Then after another 3 days he texts me and tells me he already has a new gf. I ask him how he can move on that fast and he tells me he just wants to move on and I say ok. We start talking about the divorce stuff and he tells me he wants me to pay for it. I tell him that since I didn’t want the divorce in the first place, that I still wanted to be with him, and that since he already had a new gf after such a short period of time then im not paying for it. That I would pay half.
He tells me that he cant pay for any of it due to him not having a job. I told him then I guess we will have to wait for him to get a job because I’m not paying for it on my own since none of the thing were my decision and he agrees to get a job to help pay for it. I started thinking about everything that happened and I talked to some friends and they think I shouldn’t have to pay for it at all because after only a week he’s done moved on and gotten a gf and they think thats suspicious and that since I also didn’t want the divorce in the first place that it shouldn’t be my responsibility to pay for it since through our whole relationship I worked multiple jobs to support us moved us around in the means of us to be able to survive and I took alot of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse from him. (Didn’t mention that part on anything cause honestly. Im ashamed of it. Which I do have picture proof and pretty sure I still have video proof.) So I decided to tell him I didn’t think I had to pay for the divorce at all.
He got very mad and started blaming me saying that I was toxic through our whole relationship and that I chose a dog over him and that he didn’t care what a therapist said about me needing my axel(axel is my dog) now he’s mad at me and his family is mad at me and I cant tell if im in the wrong or not because all his family is telling me im wrong for making him get a job to pay for our divorce when im the one with a job still. AITAH?
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Well the marriage was already over it seems so just, end it. Move on.
Consult with an attorney. NTA.
Your relationship sounds way too dysfunctional. If a dog is the cause of your separation, and your husband has a new GF four days later, then your marriage was going to end badly at some point. You are NTA, take the exit, and maybe do some self-reflection on men you are attracted to?
You don’t have to pay for it but you’re certainly prolonging your court time by refusing.
Since he isn’t working and you’re underemployed just apply for a few waiver due to being indigent.
Your marriage was dead for a long time before this, it’s not surprising that he’s taking steps to “move on” so to speak
Anyone who says they love you but abandons you in your time of need is someone to get far, far away from. If this is love then what is indifference? What is dislike? What is hatred? All of these feelings would gave the result you got. Run girl, run. The universe has given you a great opportunity to get away from an abusive relationship. NTA to move on.
Your husband is an abusive AH.
You didn’t choose the dog. Your husband made the choice for you by issuing an ultimatum and then refusing to back down. He didn’t attempt compromise and he used you for your entire marriage.
You’re better off without him. He’s a loser and dead weight.
What exactly did the dog do? If it attacked him or anything I partially see it but moving on that fast? He was probably cheating in the first place and needed an excuse. Definite NTA
IMO the dog was an excuse, he already had the GF and just needed an out
Get rid of the husband, NOT the dog.
I had a relationship fall apart after 5 months of getting a dog, a Rottweiler. It was the best change my life could have made at the time.
I’ve heard how pets can sometimes breakup relationships. I think it shows how people can either work together and share affections or not. It doesn’t sound like the dog was the issue here, it sounds like the dog helped to show that there were issues. Keep the dog and move on. And I don’t say move on in a lightly manner, because this will be difficult, but axel will be a better support system for you than your ex.
No offense but he was cheating on you before this. He was just looking for an excuse and the dog was it.
Google financial abuse. You have been a victim of his throughout the relationship . Him quitting his job and making you work extra and pay for the lifestyle is a form of financial abuse.
Y’all don’t have to get divorced legally you could just be separated forever and tell him that until he’s ready to pay for the divorce he’s not going to be able to marry his girlfriend.
Nta. He is playing games. First hes had that side chick for a while that’s why he was always going to his family and they probably all knew it. He wants and asked for the divorce he can pay and file to have it done it’s not your job To support him anymore. Honestly this is the best thing that could happen to you he took himself out. Cut him off and tell him the next time u hear anything for him is should be a court date.
As someone said in the other thread, you got married way too early. Your brains aren’t even fully developed until 25. That mistake is not on you. Both you and your husband made choices that didn’t work out. You are both responsible for your decisions but no one is to blame. You definitely need a divorce and might even qualify for legal representation through a legal aid clinic based on low income. This is not a complicated divorce. It should not cost much. Be sure to shop around an attorney or a clinic that can handle a simple divorce with no property, no alimony, and no child support at an affordable rate.
I do advise getting divorced sooner rather than later. You do not want to be responsible for any of your husband’s debts. There is actually something you can do to protect yourself before divorce.
I didn’t read the first post but I can pretty much guarantee that he was seeing this other woman beforehand but just used the dog as a way to come out as the victim. Make him pay every which way you can.
1st off he’s still married to you and therefore is cheating. 2nd he’s very abusive and neglectful. 3rd you need to move on. If you wanna talk DM me shalom you’re loved 💔
You are not the AH. Do Not pay for the divorce. He is still married to you so he is cheating. He abandoned you when he left. I am guessing he already had the new girl lined up. Neither play well for him in court.
You are right !! Don’t pay for anything! If you have proof of abuse then show it to a lawyer!!
Updateme
I am so sorry you ended up with such a horrible husband. I think you are lucky to be rid of the abusive, non-supportive jerk. I would encourage you to file for legal separation with the separation date being the day he left your home. This will stop you being responsible for any debt he incurs from that date forward. It doesn’t sound like he is financial responsible and I would hate for him to rack up a lot of debt you would be co- responsible for as his wife. Being legally separated stops that. Then you could let the divorce happen whenever either one of you wishes to remarry or just be rid of the other.
Stop talking to your ex and only communicate via text or email. If he phones, don’t pick up but keep the voicemail. If a response is required (and most of the time it won’t be) respond by written communication. Keep a record of days, times and the means of communication.
I am glad you chose Dog. Your ex is hurt and acting out at the moment to hurt you with his sudden new girlfriend and demands you pay for the divorce. If I was you, I would speak to a lawyer right now. The lawyer can advise you on splitting the divorce costs. If you wait for your ex to file he will do nothing other than pop up occasionally to irritate you. Take action to be rid of this mouth breather.
Your husband was using the dog as an excuse. He was already cheating on you and wanted to end things. Do not pay, but do consult with an attorney and tell him to go through your attorney, not you. Keep proof of EVERY interaction you have, text message, phone call, etc because you may need it if things get nasty. Also, if you can, try to find proof of him cheating, because I guarantee he did, and that may help you in the divorce. One week and he already has a gf?? That’s not just a coincidence. But do divorce him because he is a cheating, abusive AH and you deserve better.
This was never about the dog.
NTA- he’s a total wimp of an asshole. Excuses.
NTA – the dog was an excuse. He probably had the GF to begin with. As far as the divorce, up to you to pay or not pay. Up to him also. Be thankful there are no kids. Don’t worry about his family, block them. They are really nothing to you. I would tell you to do some snooping, but it really isn’t worth it. You would just put yourself through heck for no reason. You won’t get alimony because he has no job. There is no benefit to it. Just make sure he has no access to any of your funds, freeze your credit. Move on, heal, recover, get therapy if you need it. Know you are worthy for better things.
What an innocent dog!
NTA
Let me be absolutely clear … DO NOT GO BACK WITH HIM … DO NOT PAY … KEEP YOUR DOG
he’s immature and is probably jealous of the dog.
As a man and your HUSBAND, he should’ve have been providing a home.
You’ve endured enough abuse , now enjoy the unconditional love that Axel will give.
The fact that he didn’t go to you and help when you were in a car accident is a huge indicator for me.
And what parents in their right mind are upset for their son to be working. He must either be really good looking, or is packing bigger than Tom Brady.
Either way, he’s the toxic one! Just going from one woman to another , to support him.
Live your best healthiest life, care for Axel, go on hikes and if possible take him to work, you will find another dog lover who will truly LOVE YOU !!
Well his new gf is sure getting a winner. Still married, jobless and living with his parents. Let her have him.
NTA. You should be glad to be rid of this AH. And his family is a bunch of AH that raised this AH.
Get yourself a lawyer. Yes you will have to pay your lawyer. He will have to get his own lawyer and pay for that himself.
Girlfriend probably allergic to the dog.
Edit:NTA
Pause for a second
Remember, he not only issued the ultimatun, but hes the one with a new girlfriend. And, the cherry on top?
He’s the one who wants the divorce, so he can be with his new girlfriend.
Not only that, he would have needed money for literally anything else.
Now with all that in mind, do you still feel like an asshole, or just silly for having listened to him?
Go through with the divorce as quickly as possible. You will be so much better off getting it all behind you. The court order can say that the expenses will be divided 50/50. You don’t have to care anymore where his money comes from. Hug your pup; it was never about him. Your soon to be ex is the problem and always was.
Crazy hubby. He tweaking
Okay, I may have missed a previous post, but what was the issue with the dog? Regardless, I guarantee he had his “new girlfriend” before this mess even started. And he wants to to agree to pay for it now because if he gets evidence you agreed to that, then he’s off the hook for his INFIDELITY.
Why would you want to stay with this scumbag anyway? You’re NTA. Get the divorce and never look back. And give the dog extra head scritches for me.
He was cheating and found a reason to lock onto to create reason for the relationship to end.
If the gf is okay raising a man child who cant get a job, then she can have him.
Sucks you’ve now wasted your time with this prick, but you’re still very young and hard working, so you’ll come out on the other side way better off.
That dog was just an excuse to get divorced. He was having an affair all along, then quit his job to make you pay for the divorce. Very slick. Don’t file or pay for it. You may end up having to pay him alimony if you file first. I’d wait it out.
NTA He already had a side piece. Maybe she will pay his half if she wants him so badly.
Not sure why you do.
Be careful.
NTA. The dog was just an excuse,he cheated on you, abandoned you after a serious car accident, and had a new girlfriend within days. That’s not someone who acts out of love or respect.
You have absolutely no obligation to pay for a divorce you didn’t even want, especially after everything you sacrificed for him: your jobs, your home, your mental and physical health.
You were strong throughout the entire relationship, even while enduring abuse you never should have had to face. And you have nothing to be ashamed of , the shame belongs to the one who hurt you, not to you. Your friends are right: it’s time to put yourself first, to heal, and to stop carrying the burden of his selfish choices.
Let him deal with the consequences of his actions. Don’t pay a cent. Wait for the court to handle the divorce. And most importantly, keep your dog ,he loves you unconditionally, unlike your ex.
You deserve so much better. why do you want to be with someone who by any of his actions, words show his disrepect and that he doen’t care and love you, time to be free from this abuser, the sooner the better and i know i repeat myself but don’t pay anything to him
Let me understand, you didn’t want the divorce, he was verbally and emotionally abusive, ALL your friends say he should pay because he wants it and he has a girlfriend after 3 weeks, guarantee he was cheating and this was his excuse for blaming you. So, now that we are caught up, why are you even questioning this? He cheated, he wants the divorce, he was abusive, and his family is saying all kinds of nasty things (apple didn’t fall far from the tree did it?) and you are wondering if your TAH? You need to get counseling so you understand the reason you are letting him control you. Please, please, please know that you are better off without him, keep your fur baby, and dump the man baby. Make his lazy arse get a job, be a man and pay for the entire divorce. Be well and be safe.
Don’t rely on him to pay for everything. You need a lawyer for yourself to make sure you’re not getting screwed over. A lawyer he pays is going to represent him, not you.
Thank you for choosing Axel because that man is a fucking asshole. Axel is more loyal.
You can be separated without divorce for a long time. He has time to come up with his half. As for the moving on, it’s a rebound relationship. Chances are that he’ll be hitting you up in 2 months because she ditched him. Take your dog, regroup, give yourself some time to heal and grow, and then live the best life you can.
No. I made my second husband pay for our divorce because I didn’t want it. This, after supporting him while he supported his 5 kids (w/ 2 ex-wives). He never, not even once, bought groceries, and would tell me that when he was done paying child support, he’d be able to support me. I have everything I had and was to that relationship, and the SOB thought I was going to pay half for a divorce? Nope. I refused to do it, and I wasn’t the asshole and neither are you.
NTA- It was never about the dog, my dear.
He needed ANY excuse to leave you. His actions clearly showed he does not love you. Keep the dog.
Divorce the man child.
Rebuild your life with the one who is loyal to you…and give them a good dog pat pat pat for us. 💜🕯💜
To be fair, you blamed your husband for being a mouth breather and that was why your husband gets dog fur in his mouth when he sleeps. Allowing your dog to sleep in the bed is your choice so that issue should be a simple fix. You valued the dog sleeping in the bed more than your husband’s comfort so you should look at why that is the case. You’re clearly biased in favor of your dog. With that said, your unemployed husband is lazy and not taking the dog outside to go to the bathroom is inexcusable. Get a separate agreement and file for divorce
He’s an ah. Good riddance. Let him pay for attorney’s fees also since he already has a girlfriend. Is your state an alienation of affection state? You can sue her also. Save all texts and emails.
Sis, the trash took itself out. Why are you tying to bring it back in? He’s an abusive freeloader. He made you work two jobs to support his lazy ass and couldn’t be bothered to help you while you’re injured. Of course his family is yelling at you. They don’t want to support a freeloader.
Pay half to get it over with. Then let him be someone else’s problem and live your best life with your dog.
Not the AH. He used the dog as an excuse. But for the divorce, you can use a mediator for less than $1000. A lot less cost and hassle. Get rid of him and move on. He was never worth it.
Maybe the girlfriend can pay for the divorce. Let her see the prize she’s won.
You are absolutely not the AH, although I have a few choice words for your husband…
You chose to protect your emotional wellbeing, your safety, and your dog, who clearly gave you more loyalty, love, and support than your husband ever did. He gave you an ultimatum, abandoned you after a traumatic accident, emotionally manipulated you, and now has the nerve to demand you pay for the divorce he wanted? The fact that he moved on in days and tried to guilt you after years of carrying the relationship financially and emotionally—while enduring abuse, is beyond unfair. His family backing him only shows how toxic the whole environment was. You’re not wrong. You’re not selfish. You’re finally free. Keep the dog. Keep your peace. Let him and his entitlement get the fuck outta there.