I 17(f) was an unexpected child. My dad left my mom when I was 1 years old and I think from the story that I’ve heard, their relationship only started cause my mom got pregnant with me from a one night stand. When I was younger, my mom would work pretty late and so I would be raised by my grand mom. Growing up I feel like I’m not prioritize that much from my mom, it’s like I’m always second from her boyfriend or from work. Every weekends since I can remember, she would be spending time with her boyfriend and because she’s not that free on her weekdays, I barely see her. It’s not like I really care when I was younger. Of course I would cry sometimes like a child, but after a while I just got used to it. My relationship with her then was not bad, she was nice enough to me. I was in a good private school, got stuff I want, never lacks anything. The only thing I don’t have is her time. Then when I was in fifth grade, my mom broke up with her boyfriend and got a girlfriend instead. I don’t really know much about their relationship at that time and just thought they were friends, but as time went on, I then realized that they were together. I don’t really mind it, they never explain to me that they were together, and I never ask. This new girlfriend of her was very cool at first. She’s an equivalent of a cool uncle but in a girl version. She bought me some plushie, tutor me(even tho it ended in me crying my eyes out cuz she yelled at me, but I was a stupid child so that was fine) But then after a while she started to become very mean to me. She would yelled at me, nitpick me about my weight and how fat I am(I was in fifth grade and is a little chubby), telling me that I’m stupid and that I won’t be able to get into a good university, and just overall being an asshole. My mom wouldn’t do anything about it, sometimes she would also side with her girlfriend into yelling at me. In the end I just ended up hating her and try to avoid her as much as possible. As for my mom, she would find time on her weekdays to spend with her girlfriend. Even went as far as moving into her small apartment even tho we have a house. My time with mom was even less now since she would dedicate all her time and money to her girlfriend. Her girlfriend also try to convince my mom to take me out of my private school, away from my friends that I’ve known my whole life, so that they could go on a vacation. Now I’m even more than a second priority. Sometimes when we go out, I won’t be able to get any food because my mom’s new lifestyle includes her going out at night with her partner and spending all her money on her. After I was in six grade, she cheated on my mom with a younger girl and that kinda broke my mom. She was so depressed that she won’t eat, then a few months later she got back with her ex boyfriend and everything returns to normal. At least the ex boyfriend was nice to me, he would ignore me most of the time which makes him 10 times better than her ex gf. Now cut to the present time. I am a currently freshman at one of the top uni in my country. And I also do a freelance job on the side line which racks up around the same amount of money that my mom makes per month, which is really great for me since now I don’t really have to depend on her finances that much anymore. As for my mom, she would now parade me around like I’m a golden goose. She would praise me and try to spend time with me. She would always call or text me every time she has a free time, which is significantly different than before. She also hugs me and kisses me more now, even tho it’s a little uncomfortable for me since she doesn’t really do that when I was younger. I don’t really know what to do with the change. It’s like as soon as I’m worth something now, she’s now all over me. She’s also been trying to tell me to try to make more money too, which I don’t know why she cares now because she never does before when my freelance job was still starting out small. I don’t think she wants me for my money because she’s pretty well off herself, but I just couldn’t understand, why now? Why not care about me before? And what should I do now?
Ps: so sorry for my grammar. English is not my first language
Comments
Hey, I just want to say:
You’re not wrong for feeling this way. You were hurt, overlooked, and made to feel like a second option for years. That leaves real scars.
It makes total sense that your mom’s sudden interest now feels confusing or even fake. You’re allowed to take your time. You don’t owe forgiveness or closeness just because someone finally shows up.
Set the boundaries you need. Protect your peace. It’s okay to love her AND still not trust her fully. You’re allowed to heal at your own pace.
You deserved better then.
You still do now. ❤️
I’m really sorry that your mother treated you this way. It’s an absolute disgrace for a parent to be like that. And then she openly tolerated you being verbally abused by her girlfriend and said nothing?
No, you have plenty of justification to want a lot of distance between you and your mother. And while I’m not trying to pile onto your heart, I suspect she is only being nice to you because she now suspects one day you will make a lot of money and look after her. And if I were you, I would disabuse her of that notion very quickly.
You should be damn proud of yourself for building a life and having a good head on your shoulders, in spite of having too lousy parents.
If it was me, I wouldn’t even consider a relationship with your mother, unless she went through some very intense counseling, and started first of all by begging your forgiveness for what a piece of crap parent she was. I also wouldn’t get your hopes up because I have a feeling at some point somebody else come along and you’ll fade into the background again. Unless she needs you.
You deserve so much better. Good luck.