I was invited to my childhood friend’s wedding. On the same day, there’s a meaningful concert that I would rather go to with a current close friend.
Some background:
This childhood friend is someone that I would consider a close friend up until my last couple years of high school. We went to school together, and I would see them at events outside of school (i.e. church). We’ve known each other since we were toddlers. As we got older, especially when we got our licenses, we didn’t hang out a ton outside of school or church. When I moved away for college we didn’t really talk at all, and I maybe saw them a handful of times when I would visit home from college. College was almost 10 years ago now.
A couple of years ago, they had dinner with me and my extended family when I visited our hometown. First time I had seen them in probably 5 years. Earlier this year, they texted me and asked for my address for a wedding invitation. I hadn’t talked to them since that dinner a couple of years ago. The wedding is across the country in my hometown and would cost around $1000 to fly just for a short weekend. This person was in my wedding party, but I’m not in theirs, and if I’m being honest, I feel like that’s less incentive for me going.
On the same day as the wedding, there’s a concert coming to the town where I currently live that is a meaningful concert for me, and a bucket list show. I also would be going with a current close friend. We both agreed if this concert ever happened, we would both be going.
With that being said, AITAH?
EDIT: INFO: I have not RSVP’d to the wedding yet.
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I was invited to my childhood friend’s wedding. On the same day, there’s a meaningful concert that I would rather go to with a current close friend.
Some background:
This childhood friend is someone that I would consider a close friend up until my last couple years of high school. We went to school together, and I would see them at events outside of school (i.e. church). We’ve known each other since we were toddlers. As we got older, especially when we got our licenses, we didn’t hang out a ton outside of school or church. When I moved away for college we didn’t really talk at all, and I maybe saw them a handful of times when I would visit home from college. College was almost 10 years ago now.
A couple of years ago, they had dinner with me and my extended family when I visited our hometown. First time I had seen them in probably 5 years. Earlier this year, they texted me and asked for my address for a wedding invitation. I hadn’t talked to them since that dinner a couple of years ago. The wedding is across the country in my hometown and would cost around $1000 to fly just for a short weekend. This person was in my wedding party, but I’m not in theirs, and if I’m being honest, I feel like that’s less incentive for me going.
On the same day as the wedding, there’s a concert coming to the town where I currently live that is a meaningful concert for me, and a bucket list show. I also would be going with a current close friend. We both agreed if this concert ever happened, we would both be going.
With that being said, AITAH?
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> 1. Going to the concert instead of the wedding.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO…Did you receive and reply to the invitation yet?
NTA. You have several reasons for not attending. Send your regrets and a gift. You don’t owe her a reason. If she asks and you have to say something – a very valid reason is the expense and timing of the trip.
NTA. You sound like a B-list guest anyways.
I would buy tickets/RSVP immediately, and say you already had tickets to the concert, so it is clear you already have these plans, but it is also unrealistic for a B-list guest to attend anyways. I’m wondering if the bridal couple is just hoping a lot of folks send gifts but don’t attend, anyways, or are sending invites simply not to make you feel excluded.
NTA
This friend won’t even notice you aren’t there.
Assuming you haven’t yet rsvp’d yes then go without guilt to the concert and send a wedding gift and card
Ywnbta
Just RSVP that you can’t make it. You don’t need a reason.
NTA; just send your regrets. As long as you’re willing to accept that this might mark the end of your friendship, you have done all that you are obliged to do.
NTA. People fall out of touch after HS. It’s natural. And this is one where you’d have to spend money you don’t have. That’s the answer right there.
When you RSVP you state that as your reason. In a nice way, of course.
Just because it’s a wedding doesn’t mean you HAVE to go. Clearly there is something else you’d rather do. It’s fine to not go to the wedding.
NAH. Just send the decline and if questioned say you can’t financially make the trip and you already have commitments for that day. If the bride makes her feelings your problem, then you know you did nothing wrong and made a wise choice. That’s the risk you take when inviting guests to an event they have to travel for. Comparing who was in whose wedding is irrelevant to the reasons that are your ultimate deciding factors. The cherry on top of you not wanting to go is a little petty, but the main reason is another commitment and financial restraints. Stick to those.
NTA. You didn’t RSVP.
INFO-This person was in your wedding party (way to bury the lede), but you stopped hanging out with them regularly when you were 16? How does that make sense?
Just send your deepest regrets, you can’t attend.
You don’t have to explain a no.
NTA. For saving money or checking off a bucket list item with a current close friend.
I would hard decline that wedding invite. That’s very expensive for someone you haven’t seen in years.
INFO: you fell out with this friend after high school but they were in your wedding party. How long ago was your wedding?
There’s no conflict to judge on. It’s not like she told you off.
NTA y’all didn’t talk for 5 years, I’m not sure why it would ruin a friendship that’s tenuous at best now if y’all could go 5 years without giving a shit what’s going on each other’s lives
YWNBTA. A wedding invitation is not a court summons. A “no” RSVP is perfectly acceptable, especially given you’re not even in the wedding party and it’s an expensive trip.
Also, if I’m reading you correctly, it sounds like you wouldn’t necessarily want to go regardless if the concert was on the same day or not, so just go enjoy yourself and fulfill your bucket wish.
If you haven’t received the invite and responded yes to the wedding, NAH.
In my opinion, you have a valid reason to decline attending the wedding when invite arrives (travel and associated costs). Send your regrets and a gift and go enjoy yourself at the concert.
NAH. Your friend invited you, and seemingly hasn’t implied anything negative about you not attending. You can decline the RSVP with warm wishes, and a gift if you’re so moved, and that’s also perfectly acceptable behavior.
This is so no-AH it’s no conflict.
You would probably be an AH to directly tell your old friend that you consider a concert (even a ‘bucket list’ one) more important than the wedding, but you’re not going to do that, right?
Invitations are just that – you can decide to accept or decline for any reason.
NTA. It’s an invite, not a summons.
NAH, but it’s weird that you don’t consider yourself close to this person but had them in your wedding party. It reads like you’re rationalizing the decision to skip the wedding moreso than giving accurate context