We got together a few years ago when I was 25 and she was 20. At the time, she was going to college and living with a roommate. We lived in the same apartment complex a couple of doors over so we saw and visited each other a lot. She stayed over at my apartment most of the time and went home to her parent’s house some weekends so we never had an issue with her staying with me.
After 2 years she graduated, and the place I worked at closed so I got laid off. She was going back to her parent’s house and I had to move back to my hometown due to mental health and financial issues I was having. We decided to end things but stayed in contact for a whole year since we still cared about each other. I moved back to the area to start grad school after a year and we decided to get back together. Now she was living with her parents and working, so we would stay with me on the weekends or sometimes during the week. Towards the end of the school year, she was staying over more and we decided to get our own place together since it would benefit both of us financially and location-wise. We signed a lease to an apartment and moved in about a month ago.
During the time leading up to the move, I kept asking her when she would tell her parents and she always had an excuse or said she’d do it later after Father’s Day. A month has passed and she still hasn’t brought her things to the apartment. She usually stays over during the week and goes back to her parent’s house for the weekend. I keep asking her when she’s going to tell them but she says she’s scared of her parents’ reaction and that they won’t let her move in with me. It’s frustrating because it feels immature that she still needs to ask for permission to make decisions about her life.
Last week we were talking about it and she said we would have to tell them together. While I’m not completely against the idea, it feels like it should be her responsibility and not mine. Am I being unreasonable? I’m already living by myself, have moved a few times and my family doesn’t really have a say in what I do so this feels like going back to when I was young and had to ask for my family’s permission for anything.
Also, we’ve been together for so long, her family knows me and likes me, we’ve been on many trips, she stays with me more than she stays at her house so it just feels stupid that she’s so afraid to tell them we’re moving in.
TL;DR: Me and my partner have been together for about 4 years (with one year separated in between) and just got an apartment together. It’s been a month and she’s scared of telling her parents that she’s moving in with me, even though she stays here most of the time. Now she wants both of us to sit down with them and tell them but I think it should be her responsibility and not mine.