Looking for advice because I recently found out my girlfriend of 2 years had sexted with her ex while living with me. She moved here internationally and stayed with me until she found a job. When she found a job a month ago she moved out. Last night I found texts between her and her ex.
He sent her videos of him and his girlfriend fucking, I assume she sent some topless pictures and stuff, maybe a video – I’m not sure. Everything was one time viewing, except the texts around where I got the idea
Yada yada now we’re going through and she’s saying it was because I was neglecting her emotionally by always working (we were in the same room when this stuff went down), and how she just felt lonely and wanted to make friends but it got out of hand.
It’s tricky because I know her, and I don’t doubt she loves me, I don’t doubt she was lonely and frustrated not having friends in my area, and I don’t doubt things probably got more out of hand then she would have liked. From what I can tell she didn’t respond for a few days, and she did vaguely tell me that her ex had text her.
I assumed the ex texting her was a more general catchup, not full on exchanging videos, but I can sort of see maybe she wanted to tell me and couldn’t admit it.
Just rough, and I don’t really have the emotional energy to deal with and process it. I’ve told her I think we’re done, she wants to do therapy, I’m not sure I see any solution that could bring to sort this
Anyone got anything for this?
(Also, I feel like this is every breakup story, but she’s kind of hinting at hurting herself. She’s talked to her mom about what’s happened, so I think that’s a sure sign, but is there any advice to help navigate that? I really don’t want her hurt or anything, I do still love her, I just think there’s never going to be enough trust for a relationship again)
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I reckon you should forgive her, since it was clearly an accident.
Insert any excuse you want. She still made choices, and sent messages, and continue to cheating.
Bro. You’re 24, this doesn’t have to be your barrel of monkeys. You know what needs to be done.
Most well adjusted adults convey their frustrations and relationship issues by communicating with their partner. Not by sexting their ex, and especially when both are in relationships.
What she did was selfish, that’s all, she wanted the attention and instead of communicating issues she cheated. She failed the relationship test, so she no longer has a relationship
Break up. If she threatens to hurt herself, call the authorities or a medical professional. Tell her that you will not be a manipulated after she decided betrayal was the solution to her issues.
She will either backtrack, or you call, its not your fault, her actions caused this.
Cheaters are not smart people.
Bro she’s just a girl
I often send dick pics and such to establish friendships 🤣🤣🤣 what a lame ass excuse, she wanted him, chose him and now got caught, dump her ass.
Truple?
Doesnt matter. Outcome will be leave her and move on.
Trust shattered, no therapy can glue that. Emotional neglect or not, sexting your ex is a hard pass. Be clear, set boundaries, and don’t get sucked into playing savior, her mental health is her responsibility, not yours. Stay safe, keep distance.
She cheated. She’s going to give you every excuse she can think of to justify her actions but it doesn’t matter. She cheated and the respect and trust of this relationship is now non existent. All you can do now is ask yourself if you respect yourself enough to leave her or not
Right..
One of your biggest problems here, is her blaming you and not really taking responsibility for her choice to cheat
Essentially this means, you can never be safe with her again… next time she feels shes lacking attention, you know what will happen.. she will cheat again.. because thats what she does and what youve shown her youre prepared to tolerate
And.. be aware, the only reason she didnt fuck him, is distance.. if he lived near, this would not just be sexting…
Time to move on – unless she relents, accepts that any lack of attention from you, is no excuse and in no way justify her cheating, you would be better off breaking up…
This is becoming the template in this sub.
OP explains the awful shit their partner has done to their relationship but then responds they know how much the shady partner loves them and is truly remorseful while providing excuses for their grimy behavior.
The fact she was sexting with her ex while she’s sitting next to you is unforgivable, especially after you were gracious enough to let her live with you and I assume provide for her.
You’re not 38 and divorced with two kids so you have limited options. You’re only 24 and your possibilities are endless. There is no need to cling to this dumpster fire she has created. Just close the lid and walk away. Enjoy the rest of your summer looking for her replacement!
You’re thinking more about her feelings than your own dignity. She cheated. Period. Her loneliness isn’t your fault, and therapy won’t undo that betrayal. If you’re done, stay done, don’t let guilt or threats of self-harm rope you back in. If she talks about hurting herself, tell someone close to her and step back. You can care about her without staying her boyfriend.
Deep down you know the answer, and quite frankly you’d be a fool to stay.
She knew what she was doing yet instead of communicating her issues she’s resorted to gaslighting you and demonstrating little accountability in the process
She’s needs therapy for herself and you need to get away from her.
As for the self harm situation, again, not your problem as she’s an adult… do you think she doesn’t want to talk to her friends because she cheated? What makes you think she’ll be honest with her friends instead of twisting it on you?