I (30F) am starting to get frustrated with my (36M) boyfriend for not taking accountability for his own problems. He had a vehicle that he used to drive but beat it into the ground and never gave the vehicle any TLC until we started dating 4 years ago. He drove it with an expired inspection sticker (like 3 years expired) until he got pulled over and an officer told him next time he would get a ticket.
The car sat for an entire year until we moved to a new apartment and the car continued to sit for another year until my landlord confronted me that it needed to be removed from the property due to no use and it was difficult to start and move during the winter snow fall for plowing. My BF got upset because “it’s his vehicle – he can have it there. Where doesn’t say in the lease he can’t have it here”. After a couple months my landlord brought it up again that he wouldn’t resign a lease with us if the car wasn’t removed.
So in January -after my last warning from the landlord. I went and bought a new battery for the car, installed it myself, got a storage unit, had it towed to said storage unit and told my BF he needed to figure out what to do with it. 7 months later the car still sits in the storage unit which I’m paying $200 a month for.
I recently brought up to him and stated “I don’t want this to be a fight – I’m just airing my truths” I stated that I found it really difficult for me to continue to store the vehicle because he’s not taking an accountability for it. He’s just forgotten about it until I’ve consistently bring it up to him and ask what he’s doing with it. I told him I found it really unattractive that there was no initiative and that it was really starting to piss me off. I’m the only one that’s helped him with it and he’s not given a shit. I told him at this point he owes me all the money back but deep down I know that probably won’t happen. He sat and listened to what I had to say but didn’t really input any sort of game plan to get rid of it. This was a month ago.
Today I sit here, getting the bank notification that $200 was taken out for the storage unit again and he’s given 0 effort to figuring it out.
He uses my car for whatever he needs – including when his kids were in school he would drive my car everyday to bring them. I really don’t have a problem with that – but I’m starting to feel used. He puts gas in the car but treats it like it’s an ours vehicle.
I paid my car off which was a huge accomplishment for me – but there’s a small anxious part of me that worries that if he’s driving it and gets in an accident I’m SOL.
I haven’t had the conversation with him yet. I know it’s going to be a hard one but it’s the only way I feel like I can stand my ground at this point. I know his kids may be a little disappointed that they can’t see their dad everyday but I feel that I can’t continue to keep allowing him to use it like he wants. And I also think I’m just going to have his car towed to his mother’s house so they can deal with it.
All I’ve done is put effort into this car. I put in spark plugs, new alternator & the new battery to get it to start. ALL BY MYSELF AND YOUTUBE. The car isn’t inspectable and needs a lot of work that I know he won’t put into it. And I barely got a thank you.
EDIT – yes he has a job. I take him to work everyday and pick him up at the end of his shift. He has a good job but saving money. Most of you have said that he doesn’t respect me and yes I do see that and have for a while. I know that I’m just letting him walk all over me and that’s why I talked to him last month about it and told him I needed him to figure it out.
Comments
Nta. He could have taken it to the scrap yard by now and saved $1600.
Man needs to step up and lead.
NTA but you have bigger problems than the car. You’re dating an entitled man child. Probs time to cut him loose
Let him know that this is the last month you will be paying for storage, then go in and let the storage place know that you are ending the contract at the end of the month. Make sure he knows that, and let him figure it out.
Then, don’t resign your lease, move out, and leave this loser behind. He doesn’t want a partner he wants a mommy. Let him figure out how to be a grown-up. You don’t need to waste your time and money on this man
NTA… but you will be if you continue to let him use you
NTA
Stop letting him drive your car and stop paying the storage fees.
Why in the world are you infantilizing a partner?
Have it towed to his mother’s, take your keys back, and tell him to get a life or get out of yours. I cannot imagine being with someone this incompetent. Cmon. What possible future is it you see with this clown?
YTA for taking responsibility for his car in the first place. He is 5aking advantage of you and you are letting him
Congrats to you for paying your car off. The thing here is your BF needs to get off his duff and do something with his car ASAP. My thoughts would be to tell him you are no longer going to pay for storage. If he wants to pay that’s one thing, if he doesn’t then the storage company sell it.
Leave him.
You need to kick him to the curb and move on. His lack of transportation and his kids are really not your responsibility. Don’t wait, just do it NOW !!
He’s using you, AND DON’T TELL ME YOU LOVE HIM AND HE’S SWEET. Tell him you’re giving up the storage unit and leaving his car abandoned somewhere. AND GET YOUR CAR KEYS BACK AND HIDE BOTH SETS. It’s clear he’s using you. Lose him.
NTA. Tow the car to his mom’s and scrap the relationship.
He won’t do a thing until he has to. You’re making things way too easy. Stop paying on the storage, stop letting him use your car, and see if he grows up. If he doesn’t, you don’t want him anyway.
Why are you with him? He’s completely useless.
Does he have a job? He sounds like a bit of a deadbeat – sorry. Even if he takes care of the car, I don’t see you getting any of the $ back and this type of behavior most likely won’t change. You just handle everything for him so why should he? You’ve got to stop bailing him out.
Ok you are enabling his behavior but NTA. It sounds like he will continue to not care about his car so long as you’ve dealt with it. What a shit move, I loathe people who force me to make decisions that I don’t want, such as having to beak up with a guy I love because he’s unmotivated and perfectly happy to let it all slide.
Why are you still with him? What exactly does he bring to the relationship? The sex ain’t that good trust me
He doesn’t respect you
NTA – you do not have a BF, you have a child. Does he work? Does he go to school? What does he do?
Why should he do anything? You provide a home, you provide a storage unit. You solved the car issue for him. You provide a car for him.
NTA
Does he bring ANYTHING to the table?
Sounds like an entitled, lazy, mooch who expects you to mommy him for life.
Why are you with him?
NTA- girl, you’re starting to feel used?? Just starting to? Give your head a shake. He’s a deadbeat loser boyfriend who’s living off you and making his issues into your problems. He’s a total cull. Throw him back and set the line again.
Why are you with him?
Yta for putting up with a giant loser like this for this long already.
You have to be absolutely exceedingly desperate to be in a relationship with absolutely anybody at all to be willing to put up with the kind of nonsense that you’re describing. And I’m betting what we’re hearing about is literally just the tip of the iceberg. Do you have any self-respect at all? Or did that just get thrown out the window years ago to begin with?
You need to put your big girl panties on, put your foot down, give this man-child an ultimatum and then be ready to walk away- because nothing’s going to change anyways until you do something drastic and take matters into your own hands
As others have said notify the rental unit that you will be ending your leasing contract at the end of this billing cycle, notify your now ex-boyfriend that he has 30 days to get his car out of that rental unit or you’re going to have it towed, and God forbid please don’t resign a lease with this guy.
And For the Love of All That’s holy, please go get some therapy to figure out your lack of self-respect for putting yourself in a situation and leaving yourself here and do not go back into the dating World until you understand exactly where you’ve gone wrong with this relationship and how you can love yourself first and foremost before you worry about throwing your love at another absolute bomb of a loser like this guy.
INFO: What is this man bringing into your life besides frustration and inconvenience? Because right now all you’ve told us is that he’s literally just costing you money to STORE HIS CAR that he REFUSES TO FIX and just uses yours. Because if you hadn’t done that, you would have had to move. You haven’t actually said one positive thing about him other than he sees his kids, and even then he’s using you and your belongings to facilitate that.
NTA. OP, this is more than just the car. He is taking you for granted and is taking no active role in taking care of his vehicle on the assumption he can use yours. He has also used his negligence to con you into providing him a new battery and storage of his vehicle to the tune of $200 a month. All he had to do was nothing. He is bleeding money out of you and you are letting him. Dump him.
You’re an idiot for moving and paying for his storage. You should have just moved out without him. He’s a child.
Give him deadlines, firm deadlines, and then stick to them cut off the bank payment to the storage unit after a certain point and tell him in writing what those deadlines are. Tell him that you’re going to stop the use of your car and make sure you get your key backand while you’re at it, you should probably just break up with him. There is no respect here on his end for you. For someone his age, he is very immature and irresponsible.
Just stop paying for the unit and let them auction the contents. Your nta for having boundaries. Yta to yourself for continuing to float him kn all ways woth this car.
Why are you still with this user and loser!!!! I just don’t understand why women put up with this kind of sh..t just to have a man around!!! As far as I’m concerned, you are the AH!!
Only the AH for staying with this total loser – he is a manchild and is never going to take accountability. Time to move on or carry on being his mommy!
You are taking on his problems as though they were yours. You replaced the battery and rented a storage space for HIS car that he refused to take responsibility for, now you are complaining that he still hasn’t done anything with the car, and you are paying $200 a month. Stop taking care of things for him.
Besides what everyone here has said (and I agree with,) how is your relationship with his Mom? How is his relationship with his Mom? Can you talk to her about your frustration? If you don’t feel comfortable with that, be prepared to end this relationship, because without a big wake-up call (like you no longer there to provide so much for him,) he will always be the same. In fact, he may never change no matter what you do. Are you prepared to live like this forever?
Dude this on you. He was already a mess why would you pay $200 a month to make a bigger mess. That’s all money that could have gone to a new car.
Go get the car out of the storage and cancel it. Tell him to sell it get it fixed whatever but you’re not fielding any more calls from the fucking landlord for him and he needs to handle his shit or the landlord won’t be the only one not renewing the lease.
Because you are being taking advantage of he’s treating you like a fucking mom. Are you his mom? NTA.
Read up on ADHD
JFC. Wake up. UTA for staying. No dick is that good
You need to separate yourself financially from him. Don’t share a lease, don’t let him use your car and give him 30 days to empty the storage unit or you’re letting them scrap the car inside.
Your bf needs to get his life together and show you months of sustained independence supporting himself and his kids. Maybe at that time you can consider living together and sharing a life. But he needs to adult without you as a safety net.
You deserve a better, mature, responsible adult partner.
You’re not only supporting your BF’ kids, you’re supporting him as well as the biggest kid. This relationship sounds exhausting and expensive. Not sure what you’re getting out of it other than financial drain. You could do much better by yourself. Are you really that afraid of being alone that you need to stay with this leech?
NTA, but you’re an AH to yourself if you stay with him.
Leave him!! He’s a lazy, using POS
You could take all the rest of his stuff to the storage unit and tell him to go live in his car.
NTA but I read your other posts and I think you need to take a real hard look at your relationship and ask yourself what are the advantages of staying with him are/what is he bringing to the table… Love is not an answer to that question… you need to dig deep and ask yourself if you see the next 50 years of your life with him.
You mentioned over and over in your other posts that you feel like a your living in his life where you have no place… is that what you want?
You deserve better, way better than someone who is using you as a place holder in life.
Why are you delaying the obviously better solution to your problem? This has been going on for years I don’t know why you’re still letting it …
Hand him the key to the storage unit and tell him he has x days to deal with it (until the next bill is due). Done
Lease is up? Move out and take your shit. Leave him no forwarding address
Park it in a Walmart parking lot and let him know it’s his problem now
Hon, you’re STARTING to feel used?!? He has been using you and will continue to do so until you stop letting him.
He sounds like a lazy AH and I am certain that you deserve much better.
NTA but you are a rug, everyone walks over you.
NTA this lazy, selfish man will continue to take advantage of you for as long as you let him.
You get what you settle for. If you settle for this man and his inability to properly care for himself and his own business but a great ability to take advantage of you, then that is what you will get.
Stop allowing him to use your car. Just stop!!!
If you can start the car in storage, drive it to his mother’s house or have it towed.
Are you living with this guy? Why?
You’re enabling him. It’s now time to face the reality that your relationship may come to an end over this. You’re doing all the work, taking all the financial hits and him, he’s being well taken care of. Why would he change? Sometimes reality hurts. I hope he does change, but I have major doubts. Sorry.
You are way to young to settle for this. Imagine this same issue in 5, 10 years. If not that car, then something else. Don’t waste any more time.
edit: spelling
NTA
But YTA if you don’t stop paying for this man!! You keep writing that he has 0 accountability. So why has this gone on so long? I would have given him 1 month to take care of the car. After that, no way José!
Why not get him to finance repairs instead of paying for storage? Have him sign the car over to you if you have to finance repairs. Then tell him to call you Mommy from now on.
If he gets in an accident, you are SOL.
NTA, your bf needs to grow up
Does this man have a job?
Stop the storage payment from coming out of your account, that’s his problem quit being a pushover. Put your foot down, you’re being used, time to kick him out and move on.
Are you dating a child? I see a field of red flags and absolutely NO future for you with this baby of a man. Throw him out. NTAH
As long as he can find someone like you who is willing to let him continue being a freeloading bum, he’s gonna continue exactly like he is. Moochers gonna mooch. If a grown man with multiple children cannot maintain transportation, what kind of winner do you think he is as a partner?
Tell him this is the last month you’re paying for the storage. Give him a deadline and mean it and then move the car out of the storage and tell him it’s his responsibility. But my main question is why are you choosing to stand a relationship with someone who’s such a mooch and who’s so lazy and doesn’t really give a damn? Why are you trying to be responsible for the things he should be responsible for himself?
NTA – He IS absolutely using you. He’s a grown man with kids! He needs to act like it.
Honestly, I’d get the car towed )or even let him figure it out but cancel that storage), get your key back and don’t re-sign the lease with him and move on. This guy does not and has not given a shit. You’ve spent $1600 on his car and he says nothing when you get upset!?? Hell no. I don’t care how good he is in bed, let him go. He’s on set himself on cruise control on your dime and tunes you out because he knows you won’t do anything.
Not only that, you’re paying insurance and if you were to get in a car accident, you could be sued by their mother. I’ve been on the receiving end of that and it’s scary when they lawyer up and try and go for more than what your insurance will cover. It could financially wreck you. Being out of car is the least of your worries. Not to mention all the miles, wear and tear on YOUR car.
He is using you. Stop paying for his crap, make him stand up and pay his own way. And stop paying that storage unit bill, let him know he has 2 months and he’s done.
YTA to yourself for putting up with his sh*t for so long.
Why on earth are you with this freeloader and user? What positives does he bring to the table? If it were me in your shoes, that guy would be gone and I wouldn’t give a flying f*ck how much he whines and cries. He’d be history. Good grief girl. Dig your self-respect out of the bin you dumped it in and tell that jerk to take a permanent hike off of a very short pier and never contact you again.
You deserve better than this.
YIKES!!
Listen. He is going to keep doing what he’s doing because you let him do it. In his mind, why should he bother with his car when you let him use your car, you do the work on it, AND you’re paying to store it? You can ask him many times to deal with the car but he won’t because he knows you’ll let him drag his feet about it.
I’ll share a story.
I’m currently separated from my husband and it took him over two years to get rid of “my” car. A car that would cost more then the value of it to repair. The car was registered in his name so I had no way to get rid of it myself. I even got a quote from a pick-a-part place that would have covered the cost of the expired registration and left him with some left over cash. The car sat in the driveway taking up space and his car that he actually drove was parked on the street. You know what happened? A hit and run driver totaled the car that was parked in front of the house if he had gotten rid of the junk car months ago when I first gave him the parts place quote, his car would have been in the driveway and he wouldn’t be making payments on a replacement.
NTA. He is using you and needs to move on. Tell him he has a month to do something with the car as you aren’t paying again for it. Most likely you’ll be telling him to find somewhere to go in a month too. Frankly, let the trash take itself out at this point. He’s using you like an ATM. Please stop enabling him. He will only continue.
…wow.
I understand the psychology behind relationships like this, but it still shocks me that anyone could have such low self-esteem and let themselves be used like this.
Girl, dump him, reclaim your dignity, get some therapy and learn how to love yourself.
If you’ve been paying for the car’s storage for this long, and he hasn’t used it in as long as you say he hasn’t, you might be able to claim adverse possession of it, and that he’s abandoned it by dumping all the responsibilities around it onto you. I’d call a junkyard or a you pull it parts place, and let them take the car for whatever they offer you, and take that money for repaying what you’ve spent on his car up until this point. Then dump him and move out, having yourself removed from the lease if you can. Otherwise, I’d kick him out, and leave it at that.
NTA. Why on EARTH are YOU paying to store HIS car?! Does he work? Are you supporting him and his kids?
I think you already know this won’t get better.
MY TWO CENTS…
Give 30 days notice on the rental unit to both storage facility and BF.
STOP future payments to storage facility so no longer gets paid.
Get your car keys AND buy a club or similar steering wheel lock and use it.
NTAH.
You’re not doing yourself nor him any favors with anything.
Your help has made one bit of difference to him, but I hope you learn from this very expensive lesson.
Tell him he needs to remove the car by the end of the month – and let him figure out/pay if he wants that to happen*. Notify the storage facility that you will no longer be keeping the space when the current month is through.
Bluff because I don’t know your liability since you moved the car to a storage space you rented, but it is technically his car. Storage facilities general can “claim” anything left in the unit as abandoned, so if they claim his car you put it there is it theft?
About half way through this I scrolled back up to verify that he’s your boyfriend not husband. That man is getting the premium package for the basic price.
NTA.
Nta
The problem is in the mirror. You put up with it.
YTA for dating a loser. Do you hate yourself that much? The guy is a loser. And you will be by association. Break up and don’t worry about $200+all the money he is sucking from you.
What are you doing? Get rid of this bum
This sounds exactly like my idiot, drug dealing, asshole ex bf…no accountability whatsoever, calls everyone a narcissist that disagrees with him and a total loser that still sleeps on everyone’s couch at 48. But nothing was ever his fault. Took a year to get him out of my house and the only way I did that was by moving cross country. This dude sounds the same. RUNNNN
YTA to yourself! You are with a hobosexual. He is always going to take advantage of you. You need to broom 🧹 his ass.
Why should he change when you keep enabling him?
If he lives with you he should be in your car insurance. This is not optional even if he does not regularly drive your car. Of course he should pay the extra cost. I would break up with him though as you don’t need a boyfriend who is a child.
NTA! Stop cleaning up after him. His car is not your responsibility and why are you letting him drive your car at all? Does he contribute to repairs or maintenance? What about insurance? $200 a month? $2400 a year? You could be putting that money in the bank to save. He clearly is not going to step up if you keep doing it for him. What happens when he wrecks your car? Do you have money to buy a new one? Would he replace it? If the answer is no, why is he driving your car anywhere? Yes! Tow the car to his parents house. Save your money and car before he bleeds you broke, carless and homeless!
NTA. Dump him. Tell him you won’t give him the keys to the car/storage unit until he pays you what is owed for storing it ( you might want to take the battery or something else important out of it so he can’t break in and steal it). If he says he needs to sell the car to get you your money, make him sign something giving you permission to sell the car and deduct your expenses from it. You might need to move it in the mean time though.
If you don’t want to do that and just want to wash your hands of the situation, I get it too. This man is NOT responsible and staying with him will just drag you down in so many ways you can’t imagine right now. Get out of there and don’t look back.
Updateme
ESH – him for being lazy and you for enabling it.
Stop paying for the storage unit, stop driving him to work, stop allowing him to borrow your car… he has no motivation to deal with anything because you enable him by doing these things
ESH him more than you, but you too
You need to drop him and his car at his mother’s house.
Why on earth would you buy parts and spend $200 a month on a car that has been abandoned by the owner for years and barely runs?
Did he ask you to do any of this? Because I can’t understand why you’re putting so much effort in and getting mad it’s not appreciated when you know he doesn’t care about it.
OP, you need to drive this “relationship” into storage and flush the title down the toilet. Much cheaper than financing some lazyass’s ride.
Dump him and the car.
Of course he is saving money, you are paying for the storage, giving him lifts etc..Why on earth are you putting up with this sort of nonsense?? He needs to sort these things out, without your assistance since he is clearly taking the mickey.
Have you ever thought, how nice it would be, to be in a relationship with a proper grown up?
He is genuinely taking advantage of you in this relationship, he gets what he wants and doesn’t actually care about your own needs, or what it costs you to do to support him. He is a leech on your life, better to get rid sooner.
Nta he needs to become an ex coz he is just using you an isn’t putting any thing into the relationship from what you have sed cut your losses before you loss more money
This is an obvious NTAH.
Why have you even let this situation get to this point? Do you enjoy drama?
You’re being used. Give him a two week notice that you are canceling the storage facility. He can either move the car or have it confiscated by the facility owners.
You’re enabling his behavior by not giving him an ultimatum. Set some firm boundaries and stick to them.
Wanting a man desperately continues to put women in bad situations. YTA for all that you’ve done especially living with him.
Damn. Are you his partner or his caregiver?
Have the car towed to legal street parking. Of it is not registered, it will be ticketed or towed. This is his problem. Stop paying for a storage space.
Give him a 30 day notice. Then give the storage unit your 30 day notice.
Tell him no matter what you are done paying a storage unit for it. If he wants to store it he will have to do it himself.
If he doesn’t handle it by 30 days, you will move it into a public place to get towed by the city.
Tell him where you’re moving the car so he can’t say you hid it from him. Keep all this in writing (texts).
And, yes, stop enabling him by letting him use your car. You’re making it too easy for him. You’re not the bad guy, he’s just lazy & taking advantage of your kindness.
What are you doing? Drop this loser like a hot potato. You teach people how to treat you
Stop giving him lifts
Stop letting him use your car
Give months storage unit and cancel payment out of your bank
Stop letting him use you
YTA, to yourself.
He doesn’t get to use your car and stop paying on the unit. He can take the bus. Tell him it was the last payment. He gets the car or it’s gone. And he can pay you what you are owed, he’s saving, no he owes you or he can move out.
You had the option to tow it to his mom’s house in the first place? Girl, do it. Stop giving this grown man warnings, he already knows you’ll figure it out for him and you ain’t going anywhere.
Stop wasting all that dang money and (maybe) if you talk to his mom about how much money you’ve spent on storing his problem, she might get your money back.
NTA but you can’t expect anyone to feel sorry for you if you don’t make some serious changes yourself.
I know you cannot time travel but what did you think would happen when you put it “out of sight,
Out of mind” for your childish BF … oh he forgot?
Did that shock you?
He has a job? Tell him to hitch hike or Uber.
He is an AH but you are a level 1 enabler!
NTA. Leave this man-child.
Updateme
This is the conversation you need to have if you are not going to leave this man-child:
“I have removed my checking account from the payment system for the storage unit. If you do not take over payments, they will put a lock on the unit and take possession of your car. This is no longer my problem anymore. You cannot bring the car here, unless it is repaired and in good working order or I will inform the landlord that he can have the car towed to whatever location he chooses, and you will be removed from my lease and will be expected to find a new place to live.”
This sounds exhausting. I think you’ve put in your time mamma’ing this boy.
NTA, time for some hard truths. He is a 36 year old man leeching off of you. Why are you with this manchild? Do you plan to mother him for life? Because he is showing you who he is. A lazy irresponsible leech.
Tell him you are canceling the storage unit. He can no longer use your car. He can use uber, lyft, taxie or a friend but you are done. He can either rent a new storage unit in his name or he can figure out what to do with the car. No longer your problem.
Did you sign up to raise a grown child? Why are you paying his bills? Stop!!! Tell him to go live in that car. Do not let him use you anymore! His kids are his responsibility, his vehicle is his responsibility. He can’t even say thank you, tells you he doesn’t care about the money and effort you put in, you are not appreciated or respected. Treat him how he treats you. You are letting him walk on you.
Seriously just get rid of him unless you like drama
He’s using you. What are you getting out of this relationship? Oops – meant to type WHEN are you getting out of this relationship? Pretty clear to see what you’re getting out of this…NTA. RUN!
YTAH, for allowing all of this. You took it upon yourself to pay out all this money on his car knowing he would never fix it. That money is gone and on you. Why even bother telling him to pay you back? You have played mommy this entire time and done everything for him, he knows you are not serious. You have now locked yourself into being responsible for removing the car since you put it in storage under your name. Get it out of there, do not sign another lease with your landlord and get out. Most definitely do not let him drive your car one more day. Nothing will change on this one sided relationship because you enable it all.
Why on earth are you paying for storage? Is this real?
Lawyer here – you’re setting yourself up for a huge liability lawsuit that can cost you everything by letting him use your car. Stop letting him use it.
NTA. He is under functioning because you let him by over functioning. Consider dating an adult instead of this baby.
NTA – Change the car insurance to specifically exclude him. Make up a contract that says he will either remove the car from storage or take over payments in two months, or you will have it towed out and left on the street. I used to be married to a guy a lot like your bf, and it took tough love to make things right (and a divorce).
You don’t seem to value yourself. Until you do this is the caliber of person you’ll attract. Someone who doesn’t think twice but to use you and take advantage of you. I hope you start to value yourself more and move on from this guy.
JFC! Wake up and smell the bacon! What does he bring to your table?
ESH. Relationships aren’t supposed to be this hard. Why do you think this is all you deserve?
You need to change yourself. You’ve become a sugar momma enabling doormat. Please be kinder to yourself & harder on that excuse for a man.
NTA. I am about 5 years out of a very similar situation myself. So I’m going to say to you but I wish I could go back and say to myself in the past. You are kind and loving person. This is your partner whom you love and whom you want to help. But what is really happening is that he doesn’t love you as much as you love him nor in the same way that you love him. He is taking advantage of your kind and loving heart. We can debate whether or not it’s on purpose, or what other damage he might have that makes him act like that. But at the end of the day, you are being taken advantage of. He has no reason to change because his needs are met. This will keep going for the rest of your life. If you don’t put a stop to it now. Stop paying for the storage unit. Take away the keys. He needs to be a responsible adult. If you keep going like this, it will kill your relationship and possibly harm you. Take care of yourself.
He’s a bum.
Plan your exit.
You do realize that he is never going to figure it out? Not by a long shot. If you want to be with him you have to come to the realization that this is what he is and always will be. If you don’t want to be taken advantage of then I suppose it’s time to move on.
Go with what you said, get the car towed to his mother’s. Then there will be no more storage fees and his mother will have to be the one to get after him about it.
This can’t possibly be real
Have you always been a doormat?
You clearly can tell he’s using you and it’s a deadend relationship?
Bleeding your savings while padding his own.
Where is your self respect?
Tell him he needs to take over paying for the storage unit and if he doesn’t, it’ll be towed to his mom’s. At HIS expense.
But no, you’re NTA here. He needs to be an adult and take care of his own business
Are you his girlfriend, or his mom?
If he can’t handle the little things, what will you expect when something big happens?
Dump him
YWBTA if you continue to pay to store that car. He is taking advantage of you and you are allowing it. This will not get better and you need to find an actual adult to share your life. Not this man child. Be as good to yourself as you’ve been to him.
This man is a hobosexual, which is a person who uses a romantic partner for financial benefits, such as housing, transportation, food, etc. Hobosexuals cannot be fixed. Throw the whole man away.
If he doesn’t ask about it, get it towed to a wrecker. Or, tell him this is the last onto of storage. If he doesn’t deal with it, it will be ceded to the storage company. You deserve better than this. Why are you staying? He sounds like the absolute worst kind of helpless man baby.
Ok not sure why a capable woman would want to be with this mess of a manchild
Not only paying the storage fee but chauffeuring him to and from work EVERY damn day??? Tell him to fix his car or get a bus pass.
yup, he is using you. so, unless you are getting something from him that you cant get from another guy time to clean house.
You’re just means too and end for him, not a partner. NTA
Why on earth are you paying for storage when he is “saving money?”
News flash: He has no money saved.
NTA, except to yourself.
What are you the asshole for? Is this a WIBTA for telling him he can’t use it? If that’s the case, no NTA.
Why woukd he chqnge anything if you are taking care of him financially as well as his problems as if he’s a child?!!! You are doing wife things when you are NOT a wife jeez. I see no benefit for you in this relationship its time u see it too. SMDH.
He’s a leech. He’ll bleed you dry
I really hope you can see that this is not really about the car. This is about who he is and who you are with. Even if you get the car fixed, it isn’t going to solve that he’s not a go-getter, that he ignores his responsibilities, that he’s just fine using a woman, you, to support and mother him. So don’t bother trying to change him (or make him take care of his shit). Just decide whether you are going to accept him for what he is or if you should leave the relationship seeking something more.
Best of luck to you!
Dump this guy and stop paying money to store his car! If you have to tell him you’re driving it to a junkyard!
Honey I’m going to hold you hand when I say this. He is a child and you need to leave him. He brings nothing to the relationship from what you have told us. You will be happier without him.
When a partner doesn’t do everything they reasonably can to pull their own weight they are effectively a child in the relationship.
Pack your stuff and leave. He’s using you for mommy-maid-bank-bang. Just do thr bare minimum. Move out asap. Dont tell him where, dont tell him when. Just ghost him. He’s not worth the effort.
You have to alert the insurance company that he is an infrequent driver. In GA if you’ve living with anyone, even roommates for 3 years, they must be listed as an infrequent driver
Give him an itemized bill for all of the parts purchased, as well as the $1400 spent on storage. It’s likely more than the value of the car.
Tell him that within the next 30 days, he can 1) reimburse you for all costs or 2) sign over the title to you so that you can sell it to recoup at least some of what you’ve spent.
Personally, I would also give him zero days to figure out new transportation options for getting his kids to school and (talk to your landlord) 30 days to find a new place to live.
Then celebrate removing this weight that’s holding you back and move into a better life.
It doesn’t sound like he takes responsibility for much, if anything.
At 30, I wouldn’t want the job of raising a 36 year old.
NTA. Cancel the storage and don’t resign the lease. Move out on your own. This man will bleed you dry and move on to the next one. Come back here and tell us how it works out when you put your foot down and he steals your car.
OP, wtf? Why are you paying a storage unit? Why didn’t you set it up with his card? Or moved it somewhere and let it get towed?
Why are you still paying for it?
Why does he use your car?
Why do you drive him around?
What possible motive would he have to do anything if you’re right behind him, cleaning up his mess?
Please, stop being a very voluntary doormat. As in “let me throw myself under you and walk in front so you can continue to use me”.
You have a hobosexual BF.
Why would he do anything when he has someone tripping over themselves to pay his bills and drive him, and pay for the car they don’t even pay insurance on?
What are you even doing with that jerk?
NTA for telling him he can’t use it, YTA for allowing him to use you. Stop paying for the car. Tell him this is the last month you will be paying for the car storage. Go and cancel it. If he wants the car, he will add his checking account to the storage. You continue to make things easy for him. Updateme
NTA but you must know that he is another worthless hobosexual.
Here’s an idea…stop dealing with someone who clearly can’t get their shit together and find a better boyfriend and move on with your life. 👍
Tell him to get rid of the car and give a 30 day notice to the storage unit. He will either take care of it or the storage unit will.
why are you allowing him to treat you like this, even helping and paying for him to treat you like this. He doesn’t need to do anything about the car because you are enabling him to do nothing.
Park it on a busy street and let the town tow it away. No more you problem. Then put him out on that same busy street. No more you problem
It says a lot about a person when they can’t even bother to take care of their own things. It means he doesn’t really care about yours either.
NTA- You can talk to him, at him, around him, and say all the words you need to say. Your actions show you’ll continue to let him do what hes doing. His actions show that hes going to keep letting it go because you’ll just take care of it.
Where’s the saved money going? Why is it always a fight? You’ve let him become accustomed to treating you like this. When you want it to end, take him with you to the storage unit, and he can see you close the account down, give 30 days notice to vacate.
Stop letting him use your car. He doesn’t pay the insurance and upkeep, take the keys back and make sure he hasn’t made a copy.
Think of what 200.00 a month could go to.
He is showing you what he thinks of you.
Stop listening to his words.
Stop torturing yourself.
Let him go..make a plan without him. Don’t tell him any more. Don’t let him follow you to a new place. Don’t let him tie you down with a kid. This type of person will fight to keep the easy life hes been handed him … but he won’t fight for you.
Silently plan and get the F out!
So he has kids and not with the baby or babies mommas. Wonder why. He is a little boy trapped in a man’s body. Man, enough to make kids. Not man enough to act like one. I’d cut your losses and move on. Find someone who will be a partner, not a dependant.
Move out as soon as you can. Stop letting him use your vehicle and stop payments to the storage place. Let them know that. If he doesn’t pay for the car to be stored. They can eventually sell it for non-payment of the unit. NTA
Don’t ever marry this douche-b.
Where is your self respect, common sense, and life skills. This guy is a complete loser dragging you down and you’re sleeping with and paying him to do it. Are you ok?
What exactly do you get out of this relationship with this man-child /scrub?
NTA to him, but totally TA to yourself. Move on and take your car with you, BUT FIRST take him to the storage unit and get it transfered into his name. Then be done.
Too much liability cus most likely he doesn’t have car insurance and even if you have coverage for that, if they find out y’all live in the same place, it won’t cover. It’s considered negligence. 100% preventable liability.
I guess if you want to be nice you can add him to your policy as an authorized driver, but even then, if he ends up filing a claim, it’s on your premium.
Y’all ain’t married and wholeheartedly, he’s not all there to be taking up husband responsibilities. A husband takes care of everything and doesn’t NEED his wife for finances.
NTA-but you’re just a fu<kable ATM at this point
My second husband got this (very) used small truck. For reasons too complicated to get into here, he/we put the papers under my name. It was a piece of shit little Mazda truck that he was able to drive for maybe six months.
When it died, he parked it in the far back yard of our home, spoiling an otherwise lovely yard. Our kid had to play around it. I wanted it gone but he never did anything about it and so it sat.
Then, I got a summons from the city to appear in court. The next door neighbor had complained about the eyesore, which, they had every right to.
Being that it was in my name, I had to miss work, go to municipal court, (which was embarrassing), pay court costs, a kinda hefty fine, and leave feeling like some hillbilly trashy loser.
Then, to add insult to injury? He called a towing company that HE HAD TO PAY, rather than having it towed and making a little cash, because, why not?
OP. Girl. You aren’t married to this man and I’m sorry, but, in my experience, what you see is what you get. How many more of his procrastinations, bad decisions, and lazy non actions are you willing to pay for? ❤️
Tell him if he doesn’t pay the storage it will be auctioned. Then cancel the bank draft. Get your keys for your vehicle and tell him he can no longer use it for himself. Stop being a doormat. This will blow up so decide if you’re worth more and if you can afford to stay without carrying him.
If he lives with you, he needs to be on your insurance if he is driving your car, or if you are in an accident you may get a nasty surprise.
Tell him no more. Keep the keys in your possession.
NTA unless this goes on for more than two more weeks.
He isn’t a BF. He is a freeloader. Kick him to the curb.
“I know that I’m letting him walk all over me, and that’s why I gave him one gentle verbal reminder a month ago and am now seeking advice on what else I can consider doing and take no action on.”
He isn’t ever going to stop taking advantage of you. You are avoiding enforcing your boundaries because you know in your heart that he’d rather be alone and lazy than even consider how his choices decrease your quality of life.
He isn’t going to become a different person because you really, really want him to. He knows you are invested in believing he’s a good guy with drawbacks that can be improved. He’s invested in keeping you believing that he’s worth taking care of while contributing the bare minimum. He will continue doing just enough to keep you from leaving for as long as you are stupid enough to believe that next time you ask him to think about you it will be different.
Why are you with this non-starter?
Why are you paying for his stored vehicle? Why didn’t you let the apartment complex tow the vehicle? How many other ways does this 36 year old act like a child? I’m wondering what he brings to the relationship that makes you stick around. NTAH
Jesus christ
Have it towed, then move to a different place. Quit being an enabler for a giant red flag. You’re a doormat, and the treatment will only get worse. Soon, he’ll be fckng other women in your bed, then telling you to cook for them and get them drinks. Next, you’ll be funding a few baby mamas while providing live-in nanny care. That will be your life because you choose to stay with him.
Dude. Dump him.
NTA. Stop allowing him to drive your car unless you are paying to have him on your policy. If you don’t, your life will be a legal mess if he gets into/causes a wreck.
you’re paying a $200 monthly fee to allow someone to treat you like shit. that’s a wild subscription.
Piss him off he’s no good get rid of gim
How men can be nearing forty and be like this…?
Nta
NTA dude needs to have working transportation and the fact that he doesn’t shows a lot.
See. I don’t get shit like this. Op, I need you to explain it to me like I’m 5, why you haven’t just let the car get towed from your place, stop payment on the storage unit, or towed it to his mother’s house from the get go, before buying parts???
Now you’re out parts money, time and effort, and storage fees, wear and tear on your car.
Stop letting him use your car and separate finances.
Holy shit
He’s a scrub and you’re an enabler. Something’s got to change if you want things to change.
You seriously have to stop enabling his behavior. You have now put yourself into a bind by getting the storage unit. You will be on the hook for it until the car is removed. You have to know he’s not going to do anything about it. So you didn’t solve anything. You do need to take your car key back and put your foot down about him driving it. You also need to seriously reevaluate your relationship. It sounds like a parent child relationship.
NTA for the car but you will be the AH to yourself if you stay with this loser. You’re not a doormat. Why are you allowing yourself to be treated like one?
SEND HIM AND THE CAR BACK TO HIS MOM ! Seriously this man does not respect you and is using you. Stop paying for him, stop pouring into him, stop mothering him, and leave his ass
If you don’t like the situation, then take ACTION. No more talking, no more reminding, no more expressing your feelings and thoughts.
Your BF’s strategy is serving him just fine, and he’s not gonna do anything different. Why would he? He has zero stress, zero responsibility, and zero issues- because YOU are taking all of that on for him!