Hi,
I’ve (30m) been with my girlfriend (26F) for four years. We’ve just spent a really nice day together. At the end of the day she wanted me to take some photos of her. She wasnt happy with how she looked in the photos that I was taking so she made a few suggestions which I followed but they still weren’t good enough. She was getting more and more annoyed with each photo so I told her that she was getting a little bratty in hopes she would just leave it and we could go home. This only caused her to be more confrontational as she began telling me how terrible I was at taking photos.
I eventually had enough I said that she was acting childish which was beginning to ruin a perfect day (I already know that it was wrong for me to say that). She didn’t respond well to this and began shouting and swearing at me in public. I tried calming her down by explaining why I lashed out but she just kept telling me to shut up and that she’d had enough. In the end I just stayed silent, she drove me back to the car and we have both gone back to our own houses.
TL;DR! – I would say this is unacceptable behaviour but I wanted to know if what I said warranted this sort of response? I’m terrible when it comes to arguments because I always doubt myself.
Comments
I would never let ANYONE yell at me in public (or ever for that matter)
So instead of communicating your frustration like an adult you chose to call your girlfriend demeaning names and accuse her of being childish. You told her she ruined the day. Over being annoying about getting some pictures. She absolutely should not have shouted at you in public, but you instigated that fight.
I think both of you were wrong. Neither of you communicated like an adult.
You called her names and then expected her to behave? Both in the wrong
I mean- you both need to apologize to eachother.
Also there are ways to work on taking photos- can she give you constructive feedback?
What have yall been doing in conflict for the last 4 years??
Bro if you swallow that disrespect especially in public than you deserve whatever you have coming to you.. grab Your balls you better set up your perimeters…
I mean, I don’t approve of her yelling.
But prior to her yelling you insulted her (“I told her she was getting a little bratty”) and then when she responded in kind (by telling you you’re terrible at taking pictures) you escalated AGAIN (telling her she’s acting childish) and then she went off the deep end.
So you’re absolutely both at fault here.
If the picture-taking was going badly, rather than insult her, say, “You know, I don’t feel like we’re going to get what you want right now and we might both be on the verge of getting frustrated, so let’s call it a day with the photos.”
You don’t get to play the victim when you repeatedly insult someone and the snap back. Even if she over-reacted, you planted those seeds and got the predictable harvest. Don’t try to parse out “well, I said something inappropriate, but it didn’t justify her saying THAT” – you both escalated when given the opportunity. You are both to blame.
This happened to me one time, exact same situation. it baffles me how taking photos on a phone can turn so hostile if they aren’t perceived to be good enough. it’s always going to be a tough situation, i was demeaned by my ex at the time and it really hurt. I felt humiliated that it was so public, almost as if it was intentional. Surely an argument of photos can take place somewhere less public? I’m biased but i think you tried your best, if this happened to us we’d probably just go “oh well we can try again another day” instead of making a HUGE deal out of it. We all say things we don’t mean, i would say stand up for yourself but people can’t always be rational. I’d maybe try to not burn the relationship over this but keep it in mind for next time.
I wouldnt call what you said lashing out, and I’m not sure that saying it better could have avoided this conflict. It was interesting that you said “in public”- does she often shout and swear at you and insult you? Because that’s not okay.
Regardless, from what you’ve said here she was being unreasonable and has a real issue regulating her emotions.
She shouldn’t have yelled and sworn at you, but likewise you shouldn’t have called her bratty and childish.
I’ve been there, I simply said, do it yourself, Then you can’t criticize anyone but yourself if they’re not good enough.
Calling her bratty wasnt very constructive. Yelling and swearing at your partner in any situation is dead wrong, in private and in public. You were embarrassed because everyone could see that she doesn’t respect you, but that is still true if she yells at you in private. It’s just easier to ignore it, because you don’t have witnesses.
Swearing and shouting in public is childish behavior. She should apologize to you.
And once she does that, then you can apologize for calling her bratty.
You both messed up, but her more so in severity than you.
Wow, calling your girlfriend bratty didn’t help the situation? Who would have guessed?
There’s probably a million different small tweaks that could have changed the outcome at the end. I dated someone like this, in between the pictures reminding her how beautiful she looks and apologizing for not being better at capturing it would be a much more diplomatic approach to the situation. Blaming her for ruining the day is the least emotionally intelligent approach to expressing your discomfort in the situation.
I became an expert at lighting/photography/and photoshop over time and still wasn’t good enough, every occassion would end in me getting yelled at. The real problem was my ex didn’t like the way she looked vs her RL friends with millions of followers and fans.
The real solution is finding a girl that doesn’t give a shit about taking pictures of herself, she only cares about spending time with you.