We were all at my place watching a movie together, it was the movie Substance (2024). Me, our friends and my bf were there watching the movie and enjoying ourselves, except for my bf, where his whole purpose of being there was to talk about how dumb and bad the movie was. Look, don’t get me wrong, I completely respect other peoples opinions because not everyone agrees on the same thing of course, but he was so loud and obnoxious about it.
We tried ignoring it at first, as it’s a tradition of ours to just talk badly about something even if it isn’t bad we just like to nitpick things for fun, we don’t really mean any of it, but we were all really into the movie except for him. He kept complaining and complaining about the movies themes and plotpoints until one of our friends finally entertained his nitpicking and asked what’s so bad about it. He went on about the movie being bad and kept trying to convince us to either watch a different movie because HE didn’t like it or play video games.
We continued watching the movie and so did his bickering. We eventually had enough and told him to leave the room, to which he refused and kept complaining about the movie and was ruining our experience with the film (the film was amazing by the way). We were all really getting angry at him and he just kept going without even considering our wishes. About an hour and a half into the movie he finally left and the room was so quiet and so blissful that I feel like weights were removed from my ears and I could actually hear the movie now.
After our friends left, I haven’t talked to him since. He keeps trying to justify that the movie was bad and not at all considering the fact that we were mad at him because of him being loud and obnoxious. Could you please give me the advice I desperately need because I really like him and want to keep this relationship going?
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You have just learned that he is rude, self-centered, and obnoxious. Please explain why you want to continue a relationship with someone like that.
Let’s pretend he is actually a decent guy and not a selfish, immature turd.
“Hey, can we chat about what happened last night? The way you were acting really impacted the enjoyment of the night. At any point, you could have gone to the bedroom while we watched the film, but instead you chose to force everyone to listen to you. It was selfish and uncalled for.”
If he doesn’t acknowledge that he was in the wrong then you really should rethink this situation
At 22 he still has some immaturity to iron out. He was self centered, rude and most of all obnoxious. Clearly not self aware. Why are you with him again?
How long have you been together, and does he normally do this?
Is he ten? Or is he an adult? Is he a neurotypical adult who understands social niceties?
Any typical adult would immediately understand that a FEW comments are okay, especially in a group that enjoys a bit of MST3K style trash talk, but only a few comments. He tried to completely take over the room and get everyone to change the movie. He would not shut up. That’s just rude. ANY normally functioning adult would immediately understand that is rude.
I would imagine he felt like an outsider in the group of you and your friends, not knowing your code of conduct. He might have tried to get a bit of power by getting you to choose another movie and by constantly nagging he showed his bad temper.
Not saying that what he did was ok, but maybe it could be an explanation. If he is that insecure in new social circles you have to help him feel included
Maintain the silence until he stops making excuses and actually apologizes.
So if he doesn’t get his way, watch a movie HE wants to watch, he’s going to make everyone’s. life miserable? Y’all tried to shush him, discuss his behavior, tell him to knock it off but he continued to punish everyone and ruin your good time, right? If he doesn’t get his way, he punishes those who deny him. Op, he did this in front of all these people and YOU. No shame, hesitation or qualms. He makes people life miserable DELIBERATELY because he doesn’t get his way.
You want advice? Live with it and learn to like it because he’s not going to change. Do you really think he doesn’t know what he’s doing? Do you really think he doesn’t know how awful, petty, childish, and UGLY his behavior is? C’mon, Op. He knows and doesn’t care. As long as he gets his way he’s good. If he doesn’t get his way he’s going to ruin peoples experience and make them miserable which is pleasant and rewarding to him. You understand that, right?
I want cake! You got cookies? I pissed on the cookies! I win, you loose and next time you’ll let me have what I want!
Balls in your court, Op. Choose to stay with him or have a happy life.
He doesn’t like The Substance, which is a body horror movie that uses extremes to show the lengths women will go to persevere/enhance their youth and beauty because of societal pressures of almost every form of media teaching women that their value lies in their youth and looks. (Context for those who never have seen the movie) Which he’s allowed to not like, but when he decided you needed to not like it, he crossed a line with you.
Sit down and explain to him that he doesn’t need to like every movie or form of media you like. I’m sure there are plenty of movies and games that you hate that he plays, but you don’t complain until he quits.