My son took a bunch of Tylenol, thinking he could committ suicide. Bc he didn’t think his family would except that he’s gay. I ve heard him joke around before. But I never took him serious..Lately he has been alienating himself from his family . I really didn’t know what to say to him. I just hugged him and cried. I was upset that he is going through this situation and felt like he couldn’t talk to his parents. And I told him that I loved him noatter what.. And I feel that way. He’s my son. I love him unconditionally. His dad told him that he’s to young to decide if he’s gay or not bc he has never been on a date before. I really don’t know what to say. I don’t know anypeople that are gay.. The important thing is that my son knows I love him unconditionally. I feel like I could of been more supportive.
My 12 yr old son is gay.
r/Advice
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Just be there for your son because your husband doesn’t seem like he can. Gay teenagers go on dates all the time. With other gay teenagers.
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you clearly are such a beautiful person for being so accepting of him. what your son needs right now is support and for you to be by his side whilst he figures himself out/gets comfortable with accepting his sexuality. obviously 12 years old is quite young, but if he knows- he knows.
I think that you reminding him that he’s loved unconditionally is the best thing for him right now. He’s likely very confused and conflicted about his feelings and doesn’t know where to begin with dealing with the conclusion he came to. Supporting him and allowing him to figure out at his own pace while knowing that his mom loves him and is there him is doing more to help him than both of you realize at the moment.
Talk to your husband too. It doesn’t matter what his personal feelings are, his son NEEDS acceptance and love right now to keep him ALIVE, why does it matter if your husband believes it’s too early or not?? (I don’t think it is too early, I’m just saying it’s irrelevant)
I think you need to look more closely at what your husband might have said or done. Suicide is extremely drastic and it sounds very unlikely that what you’ve posted here is the only thing that your son had been through to take him to that extreme.
Just let him know that you love him unconditionally and that your family is incomplete without him. Tylenol will kill you though – melts your liver. Did he take actual tylenol? Is he at the hospital? Tylenol PM is mostly
Check out the Trevor Project if you’re looking for somewhere to donate to help others like him.
I have said it before and I will say it again, a 12 year old child doesn’t need to declare their sexuality. If he thinks he’s gay, that’s fine, he has his whole life ahead of him to learn about himself.
There should be no pressure on kids to announce whether they are gay or bi, or Trans. This world has gotten out of control. Let kids be kids.
Damn ig I never knew where I was straight or not until I went on my first date w my partner at age 18 after years of having crushes on women
Your son’s father is a bum. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the catalyst in your son’s attempt
My son knew when he was 5 yrs. old. Your husband is a dolt.
That’s really sad. I hope you’re able to access psychological support for him given the situation. His dad’s wrong btw & no doubt just caused more harm. There’s no universal rule that dictates what age people become aware of their sexual orientation. Maybe have a look at the PFLAG site. It’s a helpful starting point for families.
https://pflag.org/
I know this is not the asvice you were looking for, but if this just happened and he took a bunch of Tylenol, he should be in the hospital asap. Tylenol destroys your liver, and he may have permanent damage. It is only considered safe at recommended doses and is extremely toxic in higher ones. Please go to the hospital of you haven’t.
How about take him on a lunch date and tell him how you feel. He’s probably not sure how to feel with the mixed signals between you and your husband. Just let him know he can talk to you and ask you questions. Just don’t be weird about it just be real. Let him know that you’re a safe place and that even if he doesn’t feel like he can talk to his dad that he can always talk to you. That’s all you need in that situation but you’ve gotta mean it. They’re going to remember everything and feel everything just be a friend.
He is your son, before he is anything else.
Love him, support him, and continue to be a good mom. Your son is going to be fine as long as he can be assured of your unconditional support.
Please be aware that your husband is inflicting psychological damage on your boy. There is absolutely no need for him to be doing that. Perhaps you could make an appointment for your husband to visit your son‘s pediatrician or family doctor so that perhaps he, your husband, can receive an elementary education.
As a gay person, you’re at a crossroads. If that’s where your husband stands and no amount of talking will coax him into learning acceptance, you need to pick your son. He’s ALREADY trying to kill himself for fear of not being accepted. The only ways to stop that are therapy, love, and acceptance. Try to talk your husband into coming around, but if he won’t, you need to pick your son and walk away or every time you try to show him love and support, there’s always going to be a little asterisk next to it of “but I condone your fathers refusal to love and accept you”, and it’s going to make that supposed support feel painfully shallow.
The best thing you can do is continue to be supportive of your son, have those difficult and sometimes uncomfortable conversations. Maybe find some peer support groups in your area?
You need to sit down with your husband and agree on how to approach this situation from a point of love and acceptance. Nothing you say or do will change the way your son feels, if he believes himself to be gay you need to let him explore this. Anything else, and you would simply just be teaching him not to come to you with things. Your husbands response, I am sure is coming from a place of care, but was not the appropriate reaction. This would cause me immense anger to hear that.
At the end of the day though, you should not feel bad about how you where supporting him, you can only control how you handle this further. Best of luck to you and your family.
Hug him hard. Be his peace. Stand up for him.
IMO all you can do is keep an open dialogue.
I’m 15. I’m gay.
I’m glad that you’re supportive and there for him.
Please please please don’t let his dad say anything like that to him, you need to stand up for him because he may not be able to for himself.
I’m confused how you don’t know any gay people?
Support him now, he still here, and still gay. Dad will have to come to terms with it if he wants to be in his life. Love your child, unconditionally. God bless your family!
Oko
Love him..defend him..no matter what..You had him he’s yours ..I’ll never understand parents that give up on their kids …you raised this child..you influenced this child then when he comes out how you raised him you think you can throw them away..that’s their fear ..so support him..defend him and know your doing right by the baby you had.
I think it sounds like you are doing the right things, and a good job. When he’s feeling better you should ask him why he thought he wouldn’t be accepted by you and why he felt so trapped that he would want to be dead. Tylenol overdose is extremely dangerous and doesn’t mean dead necessarily but hooked up to machines awaiting a liver transplant. Did he take so much he required the antidote to tylenol poisoning? There is one if you get there in time. Did he get medical treatment and his liver checked out?
It sounds like he needs a therapist, I guess obviously, and if he is clinically depressed he may need medication. And lots of conversation with you and love and acceptance and listening. Tell your husband that 12 is not too young to know he’s gay. He’s probably always known on some level. But it’s too young to be sexually active so that isn’t something your husband needs to be worrying about. I hope. And find out what’s going on with him socially. It’s possible there is more than what he’s telling you involved. Make sure he isn’t feeling bullied or excluded. And some may disagree with me but while it’s not too young to know he’s gay it’s too early for him to announce it at school. Unless you live in a place where no one would blink, like NYC, he might want to wait on that since it can complicate the already complicated social stuff of adolescence.
Love him, hug him, listen to him, make him soup and tea and cinnamon toast. And treat the depression and suicidality with a professional. He should be seen and assessed by a psychiatrist.
Tylenol overdose can be really serious, please take him to the ER immediately. ‼️
What he really needs is love and support and acceptance. Your husband is completely wrong – many people know from a very young age that they are “different” which can cause a lot of confusion and self-hatred.
I see someone recommended pflag, which is a great resource. The other one that is really important is the Trevor Project. It is an organization dedicated to suicide prevention for members of LBGTQA+ community.
https://www.thetrevorproject.org
Just tell him over and over that you love him. That is what he needs right now. (Ideally from both parents).
I would LOVE one of my sons to be gay, some of the best people are, including most of my bffs.
First let me say I’m so sorry your son tried to hurt himself. NGL his Dad’s reaction wasn’t great, I mean there is a reason your son thought he couldn’t come out to you guys. Your husband, son, and you should really prioritize counseling. 100% for your son.
I hope your family can come together and support your son. He really needs to know home is a safe place.
I am bisexual. I knew this before I ever had my first boyfriend or girlfriend, or went on my first date. Probably a little bit younger than your son. Think about it. When you were in school you had crushes on boys, right? What makes you think gay kids don’t have their crushes on the kids of the same gender? They don’t have to date to know they like boys or girls.
Ask your husband how old he was when he knew he was straight.
Also, try to avoid saying “I love you no matter what.” This casts being gay in a negative light. You tell someone you love them “no matter what” after they’ve made a mistake or did something wrong. I love you is a complete sentence.
As a queer person (bi), thank you for being there for your son. Having family that’s supportive will definitely be important for him.
It sounds like your husband is having issues coming to terms with the fact that your son is gay. Again, support is extremely important for somebody in your son’s position, so I would reccomend researching/ looking at queer parent support groups. I’ll try to look for some in a few minutes after I post this, but I know “Mama Dragons” on Facebook has helped my own mom.
I will say, your kid is NOT too young to know his sexuality. Saying things like this to his face could be especially harmful, and less likely to open up to whoever tells him that. Just as straight people don’t need to go on a date with somebody of the same sex to know theyre straight, gay people don’t need to go on a date with somebody of the opposite sex to know they’re gay.
If you have any more questions I could help with from experience being queer, please don’t hesitate. You’re being a great parent by being there for your son and trying to learn more.
You should talk with you partner, he have for sure said more than that even if it was not to your son every time but close enough for him to hear it. He needs to be supporting or your son probably will try again at some point. Also your son needs to see someone asap
Also you can definitely know at that age and your partner is a moron
Divorce the husband if he can’t accept responsibility for his child …I guess a deadbeat dad is better than a gay kid?..it’s HIS CHILD
i started feeling sexually atracted to girls at 11, i remember. im not gay, but i do see who he could know he’s gay now, is what im trying to say.
he’s your son, and it’s called unconditional love, what you have for him. i would love my kids no matter what. tell him he can be whoever he wants to be. the only thing i wish for my kids is their happiness in this life.
Dad needs to get his shit together ASAP. Your son is very vulnerable and cannot be exposed to that in any way.
Please seek out PFLAG, the support group for parents of LGBTQ+ children.
You need support. It will help you be a better support to your child, too.
My daughter knew she was gay at 8. She said “I think I like girls” and we were like “okay cool”
OP what did the doctors say about recovery? Is he still in hospital? If so I wouldn’t bombard him. Just let him know you’re there and love him no matter what. No.Matter.What.
Good for him being so self aware at the age!
You did good in hugging him and telling him you love him no matter what. You need to have a conversation with your husband. If you’re going to be a united support, the “you can’t know because you’re too young” needs to stop. Yes phases happen. One identity can be a passage to fuller understanding of yourself, but it’s important that at every junction you feel supported and accepted.
A good first step is finding yourself some resources in the queer community… parent groups for queer kids can help. I promise you will not be the first person to rock up saying “my kid is queer. I love them but I don’t know what to do.” And in fact, there will be at least a couple people who were once exactly where you are.
So did your husband go on dates with girls and with guys to “decide” if he was straight or did he, y’know, just know he was?
Did you take him in? Tylenol is toxic and can be lethal, but it doesn’t kick in right away, so you won’t see the toxic effects immediately.
I’m sorry to hear your son is struggling with this and attempted (even if was not possible with that method) to commit suicide.
I think you did the right thing by telling your son you love him unconditionally no matter what. He has for some reason convinced himself that you won’t accept him for being gay and I think you have to help build that trust with him. Whether that’s having hard conversations, giving him the space to be alone or finding ways he can connect with other queer kids his own age. I feel like listening to him can go a long way.
Regarding his dad, he MIGHT be right that your son doesn’t know his sexuality and that gaining more experiences may help settle it better. However, given how alienated your son already feels, these kind of comments can make him feel more alienated. It’s important for his dad express more love than judgement or condescension right now. He’s free to have his thoughts and maybe he can express them to you or a therapist, but expressing them to his son right now might risk more alienation and I hate to say it but more self-harm.
I hope your son finds ways to explore & express his sexual orientation as he’s ready to but depending on where you live or the openness of his school that might be hard. Building trust and understanding is the best thing both parents can do right now.
It doesn’t matter if it’s “too early” or not. Your son needs love and support going through this. You’re doing a great thing by showing him your love is unconditional. I hope your husband will do that too. Sure, he’s a kid and he’s figuring things out but despite any kind of labels he should see that his parents love and support him and that he can talk to them. All the best to you and your family.
I hope your son is safe now but you and your husband should have a talk. Your husband needs to decide if he wants to be the father of a gay son kid or the dad of a dead one.
Sort his dad out quickly, that’s where the problem is.
12 years old is about right for starting to have a crush etc.
If dad is trying to make the “problem” go away by ignoring it your sons going to have a hard time of it.
Dad needs to man up and be a father to his son
Tell him the world is a much better place with him in it!
A couple things. Say, “our family” instead of his family because that shows inclusion.
Talk with friends about it. Talk with strangers about it.
The reality of your comment “I don’t know any gay people” is just an admission that the gay people around you think they can’t talk to you about their sexuality. They are definitely there.
please show him you care through actions. even if it’s just buying a mini pride flag, calling out your husband if he’s being homophobic, going to pride events or inviting your son to them too. you can say you love and accept him and that’s a good start, but i know from experience if you don’t see your parents really being accepting, it might be hard to believe it. i hope your son’s okay 🙁
I knew liked girls when I was 11, I just didn’t know the term for it, and thought every girl liked girls too. It wasn’t until I was 13 that I realised I was lesbian and understood what it meant for me, then came out to everyone. I’ve never been anything other than a lesbian.
I’d recommend talking to the dad and explaining that young teens can also establish their sexuality, however if later down the line your son comes out as bi, or even realises he’s straight, it’s all down to him and it’s part of the process of figuring himself out.
If the husband makes a lot of demeaning comments or jokes about gay people, then there’s your answer. Homophobia is disgusting.
I am just going to say I am 72 and have known I was gay from a very early age probably about 8 years old. We moved towns when I was 8 and left my best friend behind that was when I realized I was attracted to boys I was so emotionally broken it’s hard to explain it but I know now I was in love with him just go with the flow and it will work out for him. I was made to date girls it didn’t work out I was still gay but miserable 😭 thank goodness he is ok
This bout to make me cry
Believe people when they tell you who they are. Get in counseling, you and your husband as well. A lot of people need professional help to come to terms with a gay child. There is no shame in getting professional help.
The date thing doesn’t matter… you don’t “decide” who you’re attracted to, you’re just attracted to them. Driving school bus over the past decade and kids that age know. They can tell if they feel like someone is cute or not lol.
Great response from you, but you need to talk to your husband about his views on LGBTQ+ individuals. Ask him why he thinks his son is too young/inexperienced to know he’s gay. Have him explain what he means and correct his idea where you can in a logical way.
Make sure you also drive home that it doesn’t really matter if he thinks his son isn’t gay or can’t be at his age. What matters is his son is struggling with his sexuality, and believes he is gay, regardless of your husband’s personal beliefs, ha can’t change any attraction his son experiences.
If he loves his son he will tell his son he accepts him as he is. Even if your husband doesn’t believe that gay is okay, it’s his responsibility as a father to be a safe accepting person to his son and keep his son safe in his home, and from harming himself. Your husband’s personal beliefs do NOT trump your sons NEED for acceptance and emotional safety.
My daughter (then 11) dropped the fact she was gay, casually mid-conversation about something entirely unrelated and to her it was nothing; she didn’t bat an eyelid — it was perfect. No fuss was made, just as we don’t make a fuss of our straight children’s sexuality either. Just another day.
What did you say to your husband? I would have been so pissed.. This is your KID. You need to talk with your husband pronto, and don’t be submissive. Your husband doesn’t have a clue what he is saying and you need to tell him that flat out. He can research himself, you don’t need to explain why .
Please tell your son, without needing to be prompted by him, that you love him above all else. That you want him around, your life would be empty without him, and you just want him to be happy.
Tell your husband to save the communication to you if he’s going to answer like that.
100% unconditional acceptance is the only answer.
First off, I’m very glad to see you accept him. You did the right thing by hugging him and reassuring him that you’ll always love him. He’s blessed to have a loving mother like yourself.
Being gay is not something one “decides”. Your husband is having trouble accepting that his son is gay which is why he’s saying he’s “too young to “decide”. It’s a form of denial.
Homophobia isn’t always mean overt hatred. Sometimes, it’s more subtle and takes the form of anxiety.
I truly hope your husband can take some time to reflect on his choice of words, his beliefs, and take some time to allow himself to get in touch with his emotions. Your son is worthy of acceptance from his father.
If he doesn’t, please take your husband to family counseling. Your son’s life may depend on it.
Please make an SOS plan with your son. Ask him to come to you if he feels suicidal again. Ask him what you can do to make it easier for him to come to you in times of crisis.
I knew I was attracted to men long before puberty… doesn’t mean your son won’t change or grow or become something different but just because he’s 12 is definitely not an excuse to discount his sexuality
My daughter at 8 told me she was bi I told her that I would accept anything and she told me she was trans I told her I will accept whatever she wants but to make sure before we do anything and she changed but your husband is in denial I would be talking to him
Pops sounds like a potential problem here and the reason for the attempt. Kid wouldn’t do that unless your husband talks shit on gays where he can hear it. Get him on the program like Marlon Wayans (great u turn after he found out his kid is trans), or get him gone. Son comes first.
My suggestion, be open minded and stress the importance of him coming to you to talk. I’d also say, as you did, why do you say that? At age 12 things are starting to happen, they have FRIENDS. Male and female. I think you can read and you know your son too. It’s a totally real and difficult thing for some at that age. My granddaughter’s ages 11 and 12 both thought they might be gay last year. I just said that’s something you will have to figure out as you get older. (I indeed knew that both of them just truly liked their friends). I do re-introduce the topic at times to see what they are thinking.. It’s all out there so much more than when I was a kid. CAN I STRESS THE DANGER OF TYLENOL?! It’s SO BAD! Kids take it because it’s usually around the house and think it will kill them if they take enough. Well, it certainly could, however It’s more likely to damage organs and have life long effects. A long hospital stay, having to deal with things he would have imagined. Best of life to all of you. Enjoy your family! 💙❤️🤍
Please excuse my anger, but what in the actual fuck was your husband thinking. His son almost succeeded in taking his own life for being gay, and the dad still doubts his orientation?
Thank you for being the supportive parent your kid needs. That is really scary to go through
You can Google online and see if there are any lgbtq+ services in your area. Typically they have family counciling you can sign up for (might be a small donation price) where he can speak to someone about how he’s feeling and he can get some help from someone in his community. Sometimes it helps to be with “your people” aka people who get you and have traveled the same path or similar path in life. Hormonal changes and swing in the teenage years can really distort feelings and cause ppl to try to make permanent decisions off of temporary feelings.
Unfortunately a lot of straight males feel you have to sleep with a female first to decide you don’t like the experience and that’s not the case same as how you don’t have to sleep with a man as a man to know you’re not interested in men.
Your husband is wrong. Listen to your son.
At age 14, my son sat down next to me in front the TV, and after a moment’s silence, asked as he sometimes did “You love me, Dad, right?” and I responded as I always did “Of course I love you, you are my son, son”- that was our little ritual . But this time he looked across at me and said “I’m gay Dad” and I responded “What difference does that make to you being my son?” The relief on his face was almost too much.
2-3 years Daghestan and forget
So your husband didn’t know he was straight at 12 years old?
“his dad told him that he’s to young to decide if he’s gay or not bc he has never been on a date before.” that doesn’t matter if he’s been on dates or not and it’s not a decision that’s made by him or anyone. ppl r just born like that man it’s not a decision to be made. it’s either live ur truth or lie to urself to make the people around u that don’t accept it/are confused happy. don’t let ur son put his life on pause or wear a façade bc ppl r confused abt him being gay. he’s no different than he was before he came out. he’s still the same kid u raised. there shouldn’t be any “i don’t know what to say to him bc i don’t know any gay people” just meet him with love, that’s really the base of the matter man just love him, hes still ur kid. he didn’t wake up a different shade of human bc he came out to u guys. u can always take the step to learn things and surf the internet on the topic if u wanna find the right things to say. find other people stories on coming out, find positive lgbt articles if you’d like, find some good movies, “pray away” is a good documentary i watched last year or two years ago, it’s about parents sending their kids to conversion therapy and how it affected them and the leaders of the place. knowledge and compassion is power my friend :))
Sometimes the fear of being gay can make you question whether you’re gay.
Tell your son there’s no need to be afraid if he’s gay. If he is, your family will 100% accept him for who he is. There’s no need to feel fear regarding this issue.
Just let the your son know, most children deal with confusion during this point of time in their lives when hormones are at play.
I know kids make fun of other kids for being gay, which can sometimes make kids question whether they are, when it’s really the bullies making him believe that he is.
There’s only one way to know for sure, and that’s to wait until he gets a bit older. Just tell him to relax and take some time to make sure he’s attracted to men, rather than simply believing kids that may be calling him gay.
This is a big thing you should figure out… whether he’s being bullied about it at school. This can have a big influence on a child’s confusion.
I don’t understand the mindset of someone being too young to decide they’re gay. Yet if someone the same age decides they’re straight, that’s fine?
I hope the best for your son. He needs all the shows of support possible. He knows already that you love him but he needs to know without a doubt that you don’t hate or judge him