I have a 4 year old son with special needs and I am a single parent so day to day life can be overwhelming sometimes. My mom always wanted to go on a cruise so last year I saved to treat her, my son, and I to go on a 7 day cruise for her 70th birthday. I paid for everything except her passport and airline ticket (hotel, cruise fare, excursions, all of her purchases, tips, gratuities, transportation to port). For the three of us, it was close to $8,000. We went over Christmas break and were in an ocean balcony.
While I had fun, we always had to do what she wanted since it was “her cruise” so I missed out on a lot. She spent most of the time eating (and complaining about the lack of her favorite foods) and how boring everything was (she never wanted to leave the room). If I booked anything, she would wait to the last minute to decide not to do it so I lost money. At the end of the cruise, she commented that we should do an entire family cruise this year. I told her that my son and I would be taking a vacation by ourselves this year. I was planning Disney but my son is still afraid of the characters so I decided to do another cruise.
I found one that was 8 days and would only cost my son and I $3100 plus airfare (we are going over Christmas break). I put down the deposit but haven’t finished paying it off.
Last night, she asked me who my travel agent was because she wanted to take a trip. I asked where she wanted to go and she mentioned the 4 stops my son and I will be going on (we had talked about it back in January as a large family trip). She said she wanted to come along with my cousin. My cousin is not someone I want my son around. I really don’t want them to come because I really want to enjoy my vacation and get to experience everything my son and I want to do.
WIBTA if I told her I don’t want her and my cousin to come along because I want to enjoy my trip.
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I have a 4 year old son with special needs and I am a single parent so day to day life can be overwhelming sometimes. My mom always wanted to go on a cruise so last year I saved to treat her, my son, and I to go on a 7 day cruise for her 70th birthday. I paid for everything except her passport and airline ticket (hotel, cruise fare, excursions, all of her purchases, tips, gratuities, transportation to port). For the three of us, it was close to $8,000. We went over Christmas break and were in an ocean balcony.
While I had fun, we always had to do what she wanted since it was “her cruise” so I missed out on a lot. She spent most of the time eating (and complaining about the lack of her favorite foods) and how boring everything was (she never wanted to leave the room). If I booked anything, she would wait to the last minute to decide not to do it so I lost money. At the end of the cruise, she commented that we should do an entire family cruise this year. I told her that my son and I would be taking a vacation by ourselves this year. I was planning Disney but my son is still afraid of the characters so I decided to do another cruise.
I found one that was 8 days and would only cost my son and I $3100 plus airfare (we are going over Christmas break). I put down the deposit but haven’t finished paying it off.
Last night, she asked me who my travel agent was because she wanted to take a trip. I asked where she wanted to go and she mentioned the 4 stops my son and I will be going on (we had talked about it back in January as a large family trip). She said she wanted to come along with my cousin. My cousin is not someone I want my son around. I really don’t want them to come because I really want to enjoy my vacation and get to experience everything my son and I want to do.
WIBTA if I told her I don’t want her and my cousin to come along because I want to enjoy my trip.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> WIBTA if I told my mom that I wanted a trip for just my son and I. If I exclude her, she wouldn’t get to see my son at Christmas. C
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
Do not tell her you are going on a trip with your son. It is HIS Vacay, not hers. Leave her home
You would not be the asshole for taking your son on a trip and you can mention some of the things that happened with your mom that she really didn’t seem to enjoy the food and that she wanted to stay in the room so that maybe you could do some sort of a local vacation that would cost significantly lessand that you want to spend the time with your son. It’s OK to have boundaries just be kind about it.
Cancel this trip and do a different one and don’t tell your mom
NTA. She had her trip, this one’s for you and your son. She’s not entitled to come on every vacation you take. And you have every reason not to invite her if she’s going to try to dictate everything you do and complain the whole time.
However, you also can’t stop her from booking her own fare on the same cruise ship. If she knows the ship you’re on and the dates, she can book her own cruise. However, cruise lines are flexible. You may be able to call your travel agent and change the dates without incurring a fee. (Then don’t tell her the dates or the ship.)
nta there is nothing wrong with doing something with just your son
ywbta if you said it like that. otherwise, nta but in a very sticky situation. good luck.
NTA. Tell her you want this to be a special trip for just you and your son. Let her know if she insists on going you all will not be doing anything together.
Nta, you and your son deserve to go alone to enjoy
> . I really don’t want them to come because I really want to enjoy my vacation and get to experience everything my son and I want to do.
NTA – You’re allowed to say no and she can be upset with that if she choses but there’s no reason to not tell her. Saying no sucks but if this is an important boundary and holiday for just you and your son, then do it.
No, you wouldn’t be the AH. After shelling out hard earned money for the last trip, that seemed to have been under appreciated, I think you deserve to enjoy this one. If I were in your shoes, I’d emphasize that you really want to spend and focus your time on your son and no one else. Hopefully they respect this but if they don’t… I’d definitely change up plans.
NTA. There is absolutely nothing wrong in doing something for yourself. There is absolutely nothing wrong on just wanting some time away with your son.
Stand by for the fallout. A mom who uses passive aggressive control tactics like waiting for the last minute to decide not to do something will escalate to get her way. The last minute decision is to show you she is in charge. She will try to get her way in this as well. Be warned, set boundaries, don’t let her guilt you. This will be about her trying to flex on you to maintain control since she’s the most important person in your life.
OP, I recommend that you be honest with her. Tell her that after the last cruise, you felt so badly after she had such a miserable time. She didn’t like the food or many of the activities – including those you prepaid and lost money on. You can’t imagine her signing up for another cruise and being so sad. Honestly, if she does decide to do so, tell her you would prefer not to be with her. For you, the cruise is a break away from the stresses of everyday life and you would rather think cheerful happy thoughts about fun filled days instead of nit picking the food and scenery. Tell her this is your vacation and you would rather not have her suck the joy out of it. If she wants to go to the local $9.95 all-you-can-eat Buffett on Sunday, fine. You just would not want to invest all of the time and money to hear about everything that is wrong with her world while you could be having fun with your son.
NTA. Don’t feel guilty for making your own plans without her.
Stop giving her any information at all, or give her a little vague info.
You went above and beyond on your gift cruise to her.
You desire a close-bonding trip with your son, how sweet!
She seems to be angling to interfere with your plans by going where you’re going and by inviting the cousin.
Perhaps you should be planning some other, or backup, plan where you head to a completely different place. Sometimes you need to play the game to get what you deserve!
nta
Absolutely NTA. Your mother is insinuating herself into your trip, and you have every right to refuse her manipulative behavior. Besides, she sounds like a horrible boor to spend time with on a vacation. No one wants selfish people with them when they’re trying to have a good time. She ruined one vacation, don’t let her ruin another. Your time with your son is the only priority here.
NTA. You don’t need to get into why she ruined the last trip you planned and wasted your money. Just say it’s a trip for me and my son I’d appreciate it if you could make your own plans and leave me out of it.
The great thing about a cruise is there are plenty of things to do that she likely won’t want to. Problem solved. Whether she’s there or not, do your trip with your son. If you run into her, be polite. If not, enjoy the peace. I’ve done a number of family cruises. We met for dinner some days. Some days not. Let her ruin her own trip but yours is separate.
NTA but get very vague from here on about vacations
NTA Tell your mom.if she brings this person, then they need to plan their outings and what to do with each other and not expect you to be around because you don’t want your son around them. Then do just that. Have fun with your son and let them.do their own stuff.
NTA. And remember, it’s a huge ship. You can book your stuff solo if if they joined.
NTA and all you have to say is “this is a special trip for just me and my son”
Make sure she doesn’t “accidentally“ end up sharing a table at dinner with you.
NTA. Every trip does not need to include your mom.
NTA
NTA. Be honest with her and be prepared for the fall out but hold firm.
Just tell Mom this is a mother and son vacation. No one else is invited. And no, you won’t be telling her who your travel agent is. If she starts getting pushy or being mean tell her you’ve changed the date so that she doesn’t try to do it through another agency
NTA. But, you can’t stop her from going on the cruise since she already has partial info. She already talked about going on this particular cruise last year, so she knows when and where. You don’t have to tell her your travel plans any further, but you could also still bump into her on it…
NTA. Just be diplomatic. You want the trip to be focused around your son and have some quality time with him. She can go where she wants with her cousin and do what she wants. She cannot demand your time or presence on any of her activities