I’m 16 and my girlfriend is the same age as me, I had assumed that she’d want to get married, have kids and settle down by the time we’re like 30. This was not the case as she told me that she never wanted or will ever want to have kids and she also says that she’s planned out her entire life to be like this nomadic and impactful life where she travels the world constantly and fosters kids as she travels.
I know we’re still young so we shouldn’t even be thinking of kids or anything like that but she has her mind so set on that plan as if it’s the only thing she ever wants in her entire life and I can’t comprehend that. Can someone tell me if I’m being unreasonable by telling her that considering all the years we have ahead of us, there may be a change in her mindset and her plan? And please tell me what I should do about this, I really like her and she really likes me to the point that we don’t want to break up yet. But this is gonna be a serious issue in our relationship in the future.
I really need this advice.
Edit: Thank you to everyone who gave me advice, all of it was helpful and I’m able to think more clearly thanks to you all. Thank you very much.
Comments
Just take anything a person says at that age with a grain of salt. It doesn’t really matter because it’s all hypothetical anyways.
It’s okay to not agree with everything either, you’re both so young so just enjoy each others company.
“Traveling the world and fostering kids as she travels” doesn’t really make sense … you need stability to be allowed to foster.
It sounds like she has a really romanticized idea of the world from, like, old musicals or something? You can’t just take in street urchins wherever you go.
People have big dreams when they’re young, and life crushes them. You shouldn’t try to convince her, though. Support her but also take them with a grain of salt.
You need to realize that you’re not in these future plans of hers. You’ll be on your third girlfriend before you’re 18.
Sounds sweet theory but who is going to find that life style ? Is she so rich she doesn’t have to make any money because she already has it all ?
You are both deluded. You for trying to force her to be a tradwife her for every unrealistic part of her plan. Both of you need to work on your studies as neither of you are very intelligent.
All you should be taking away from this is that she had a wondering spirit with big travel hopes for the future. Forget the specific details. You want to settle down with a family and kids at some point, she has not dreamed of that. At all.
Don’t try to “rein her in” either and sell the family/house/kid thing. Why? Because you’re 16. Also, it will only caught a further divide. Enjoy your relationship for the teenage relationship that it is right now. Then, it’s a distant memory as you grow older and find the person you DO settle down with.
Let her go. How would you feel if a girl came up to you saying your dream is kinda weak sauce and you should be open to getting a new dream?
It’s irrelevant. You’re 16. You won’t end up together. It’s almost a certainty.
Sure it could be because she’s young. But it’s also entirely possible that she’ll never change her mind. I knew from a very young age that I never wanted kids and that never changed. If you want kids, that’s a pretty big difference that’s hard to overcome
You’re both still young, and I’m going to give you advice for your age, let her keep her plan as she sees it and you keep living your life as you would. The notion of kids isn’t even something that should be remotely relevant to either of you at that age. That’s something that years down the line when you’re both done with studies or working etc. you’ll be in a position to talk about and at that point if you disagree then you break up. But that is so far down the line that it’s not even worth thinking about at this time, right now just focus on enjoying the relationship and resolving RELEVANT disagreements.
Her plan is 100% gonna change, now whether her plan will ever include kids or even a stable home(ie not moving around) we don’t know til we get there, but no one I know who “had it all planned out” when they were 16 actually had it all work out that way when it was all said and done. Heck one of my better friends was staunchly anti kids through her 20s and now at I think 30-31 she’s having her first child with the same husband(and before boyfriend) that she had for like the last (I think) 7 years.
You two are young and have completely different directions for life. Don’t stress too much over it all and don’t hold each other back because there’s basically zero chance y’all get married
Don’t crush her dreams, but try to reframe them to be more realistic. No one can realistically travel the whole world and foster kids as they travel around, you need stability to foster. She could, however, join a nonprofit humanitarian aid group of some kind that helps underprivileged children around the world.
OK, now, you’re sixteen with hopefully a long life ahead of you. You can stick with her and hope she changes her mind & that it aligns more closely with you. Or you can cut loose so both of you can find someone who has goals similar to yourself. Trying to change her mind isn’t a good idea; it’s best for people to figure these things out themselves. Just because you part ways now doesn’t mean you might not reunite later. Her aim is unrealistic, but those things can occasionally work out. The fostering while traveling is pretty unlikely, even if she travels somewhere and settles there for awhile. Fostering isn’t adopting; it’s not permanent. Plus children REALLY need stability to thrive. Yes, it may be better for them for a bit, but it’s inherently is temporary, which is not stability. You might encourage her to actively look into the requirements for fostering. If she’s serious about it, that may give a reality check. She won’t if it’s just a dream she wants to hold onto. Good luck! Growing up can be hard, but it sounds like you may be doing it well.
Let this girl go do her nomad dreams. Go find another girl. You never know. Girlfriend could give up on the nomad life in 6 months or less. Then you could get back together if need be.
Oh please don’t worry. I’m not saying you won’t be together till your 85 or whatever I think that you’re just looking too far into the future
Sounds like you are wasting your time with her and she is wasting her time with you
There’s a lot of people in this thread who are saying your GF’s ambitions are hopeless, that the world doesn’t work that way.
USUALLY, yes.
I went to high school with a girl, and had a bit of a crush on her. She let me know in no uncertain terms that she was going to remain unmarried, travel the world, and see everything she could. She might have been 15 years old when she said this.
Over 40 years later, and that’s *exactly* what she did. Never got married (that I know about), traveled everywhere, posted amazing pictures all over her socials… Debbie, you did just what you set out to do. Good for you!
OP, you just never know…
Read between the lines buddy! You’re not in that future she’s painting! How about focusing on yourself and school first!
>considering all the years we have ahead of us, there may be a change in her mindset and her plan?
She may change her plans over the years,
but you may change your plans over the years also.
Each of you might change your plans on your own. That being said, it’s not a good idea to be in a relationship, hoping you can change them or hoping they’ll change in the way you want them to. That road leads to disaster.
Take each person as they are, right now.
Is she “slow”?
I’ve been here with my high school BF, and I’ll just be straight with you. She’s basically told you that you are a person among many that she will meet along the way to find her life’s purpose. Which is true of all of us, but she is very hyper aware of the temporary nature of all of her current relationships due to this nomadic lifestyle shes choosing to plan. I wouldn’t worry about it. She already sees you as a temporary phase, and to devote any energy into figuring out a future is really going to hurt you in the long run. Just hang out, enjoy the moment, learn what you can about dating and women, and don’t take it to hard when she’s ready to move on.
When I was 16 i wanted to open an underground hospital ER for all the people who would be too scared to go to a regular hospital, such as criminals and rape victims (I used to think that they HAD to report their assaulter…not so) and such. It was a silly and utterly implausible dream, but it made he happy to think about. I eventually grew up and realized that such a thing isn’t really possible, but it didn’t hurt to dream at the time, you know?
You’re too young to know for sure where your lives will take you yet. Maybe she will change her mind. Maybe she won’t. Maybe you will change your mind. Maybe you won’t.
Your futures are unwritten right now. They are two big empty books with chapters that will be written as you mature and grow.
Don’t worry about the life you want when you’re 30. Worry about what you want when you’re 16.
You’ll find someone who is more compatible with you, who wants to get married and have kids with you. And you deserve that.
Almost nobody marries the person they dated at 15 or 16 years old. Think about what you really want, and find someone who is a better match.
Also, they won’t let her foster kids and drag them all over the place like that. They choose a foster parent who has a STABLE home and stable income, so the child can have a stable life and go to school etc.
She’s not even imagining you two married and having kids, so it’s not a great match for you.
You’re 16, of course she doesn’t “ever want kids” GOOD
Also, you’re 16, neither if you knows jack shit about how the world works and how things are going to play out, GOOD
I advise you don’t marry her and date her
She has no grip on real life yet, its okay she’s still super young
That is a wildly unrealistic and delusional pipe dream. It’s not going to happen.
You’re getting worked up over and impossible and unattainable dream.
In order to foster kids, you have to provide a home to raise them. You can’t travel and be free while being tied down to foster kids. That’s not how the world works. You have to pick one. Foster kids or freedom to travel the world.
Reddit loves to say “break up” to anything.
I don’t think you have to make it such a big deal about future plans. You’re kids. So I’d say stay, and enjoy your life each day together. Take it day by day.
People’s minds change all the time and never in the way you expect
Honestly, your wants and ideals will change four times over by the time you’re 25. Enjoy your youth, live for today, and save money.
Lol….
You’re young and dumb.
Likely won’t even be together anymore in your 30s. High school sweethearts are rare and even then usually end in divorce.
Just focus on being a dumb kid like we all were at that age.
I’m being real with you. Any downvotes or comments to the contrary aren’t realistic in general terms.
I was dumb at 16 too….
A teenage love
Yeah she seems like she’s a little off mentally and has no idea how the real world works..